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Could Neurodiverse Mumsnetters be renamed or its description changed to clarify it is for adults?

39 replies

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 12/07/2026 08:53

Please consider modifying the name and description of the Neurodiverse Mumsnetters board to make it clearer that it is intended for neurodivergent adults.

We often see threads from parents of neurodivergent children that would be more appropriately in SN Children. The posters would be more likely to get the support they seek if they posted in the correct board.

Additionally, some threads are unpleasant to read because children like the children we once were are described mainly in terms of the challenges they pose to their parents. Whilst this is understandable because parents don't ask for help with the aspects of parenting that are not challenging, it has the unintended effect of increasing the negative messaging that we as neurodivergent adults see about neurodivergence, and we get enough of that already without it being posted on the board set aside for us to support each other.

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selffellatingouroborosofhate · 14/07/2026 12:20

Lougle · 14/07/2026 05:08

There is a huge debate about how much of a class autistic people are. There will be many autistic people who will never have the privilege to be aware that they are being negatively messaged. There will also be those that are highly intelligent but have such impaired theory of mind that it won't occur to them that they are being negatively messaged because they don't recognise themselves in the description of the person that a post refers to.

In general, I'm sure if a poster started a thread about their child and you reported it, MNHQ could pop on to the thread and say "this topic is more appropriate, would you like us to move it, OP?" What they generally won't do is say "This thread will upset the folk who this board is intended for so we'll move it out of the way."

MNHQ could pop on to the thread and say "this topic is more appropriate, would you like us to move it, OP?"

Not the last time I reported one. The thread is still there, with all of three replies.

OP posts:
PiMCA · 14/07/2026 06:17

babschicken · 12/07/2026 09:18

Being pedantic but also technically the board should read neurodivergent rather than neurodiverse...bugs my autistic rigid brain every damn time.

Me too! Neurodiverse means everyone which is not what they mean at all.

Lougle · 14/07/2026 05:08

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 14/07/2026 01:50

When everyone reading a board sees the threads about children, which they will do because they have eyes, "we" is a reasonable word to use.

When the negative mental health outcomes of constant negative messaging on autistic people as a class are written up as a paper in Nature, the most prestigious science journal in the world, "we" is a reasonable word to use. Individual exceptions do not invalidate a class analysis.

Edited

There is a huge debate about how much of a class autistic people are. There will be many autistic people who will never have the privilege to be aware that they are being negatively messaged. There will also be those that are highly intelligent but have such impaired theory of mind that it won't occur to them that they are being negatively messaged because they don't recognise themselves in the description of the person that a post refers to.

In general, I'm sure if a poster started a thread about their child and you reported it, MNHQ could pop on to the thread and say "this topic is more appropriate, would you like us to move it, OP?" What they generally won't do is say "This thread will upset the folk who this board is intended for so we'll move it out of the way."

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 14/07/2026 01:50

Lougle · 13/07/2026 20:32

I'm not keen on any situation where people post with terms such as 'we', 'we're', or 'our', but are actually representing their views. I am ND and I don't align with the views of @selffellatingouroborosofhate.

It might also be worth knowing that the SN boards don't appear in active conversations for good reason. That has been the case for many years. So unless someone went looking for the SN section, they may not find it.

I personally don't find it triggering that someone might find a trait of mine hard to live with. I find myself hard to live with sometimes!

When everyone reading a board sees the threads about children, which they will do because they have eyes, "we" is a reasonable word to use.

When the negative mental health outcomes of constant negative messaging on autistic people as a class are written up as a paper in Nature, the most prestigious science journal in the world, "we" is a reasonable word to use. Individual exceptions do not invalidate a class analysis.

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selffellatingouroborosofhate · 14/07/2026 01:45

The message at the top of the board says one thing, but the message at the top of each thread is much less clear. "Neurodiverse parenting" could mean "parenting a neurodivergent child" or "parenting whilst being neurodivergent". If someone sees a thread, they'll think "this is the board to post on about my toddler".

Could Neurodiverse Mumsnetters be renamed or its description changed to clarify it is for adults?
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selffellatingouroborosofhate · 14/07/2026 01:39

TheCurious0range · 13/07/2026 11:59

Do you realise you are asking for grace because you were unclear/got something wrong, whilst criticising people for doing the same thing

There's a difference between many people making the same error because something is labelled unclearly and one person making an error.

OP posts:
Lougle · 13/07/2026 20:32

I'm not keen on any situation where people post with terms such as 'we', 'we're', or 'our', but are actually representing their views. I am ND and I don't align with the views of @selffellatingouroborosofhate.

It might also be worth knowing that the SN boards don't appear in active conversations for good reason. That has been the case for many years. So unless someone went looking for the SN section, they may not find it.

I personally don't find it triggering that someone might find a trait of mine hard to live with. I find myself hard to live with sometimes!

KellyMumsnet · 13/07/2026 20:17

Evening, all. As others have said, the text at the top of the board explains all this, we hope. "This board exists primarily for the use of Neurodiverse Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful." If that is nnot quite clear though, we'd be happy to consider changing it or adding to it. Perhaps something directing parents of ND children to the SEN boards might do it? But we'd be interested to hear what others think so do comment below and we'll keep reading.

WhatHappenedToYourFurnitureCuz · 13/07/2026 13:25

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 12/07/2026 10:23

You've missed a word: "here". "...that shouldn’t be allowed here".

Being talked about like we are burdens is soul-destroying, it's hurtful, and over time harms our mental health. ND people are bombarded with negative messaging all our lives. When someone NT posts about how they struggle to raise their ND child, that's more of the "burden" messaging.

The NT parents of ND children need support and they should get it from the SN boards set up for that purpose. It's unfair to expect us to solve their problems.

The ND MNetters board is meant to be a safe space for ND adults. "Burden" messaging makes it not a safe space any more. We are already disproportionately more likely to blame ourselves for things unfairly. ND MNetters should be a space for us to recover from that.

Edited

MN isn't a safe space for anybody. There have always been non-Black people posting drivel on Black Mumsnetters and parents waxing lyrical about not knowing true love until you have a child on MNers Without Children.

MNHQ have made it clear they won't stop people on specific boards.

TheCurious0range · 13/07/2026 11:59

Do you realise you are asking for grace because you were unclear/got something wrong, whilst criticising people for doing the same thing

inthequietofdawn · 13/07/2026 11:52

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 12/07/2026 11:36

The description could be similar to that for Black Mumsnetters, saying that NT people are welcome to post respectfully but that the space is primarily for ND Mumsnetters to discuss ND adult life.

Just because I hadn't hammered out the exact wording doesn't mean you need to get stroppy with me.

If you look at the board, it already says similar. It already says “This board exists primarily for the use of Neurodiverse Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.”

Werhere · 12/07/2026 13:34

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 12/07/2026 12:29

I was trying to ask that questions about parenting autistic children be more clearly signposted to the SN boards. No, I didn't phrase it very clearly. Am I not allowed to misjudge things?

Your questions have helped me clarify what I actually meant, so thank you.

Edited

No problem

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 12/07/2026 12:29

Werhere · 12/07/2026 12:16

So you start a wooly thread
but expect people to know that by asking for it to stipulate the thread is for ND adults you actually mean something else

I was trying to ask that questions about parenting autistic children be more clearly signposted to the SN boards. No, I didn't phrase it very clearly. Am I not allowed to misjudge things?

Your questions have helped me clarify what I actually meant, so thank you.

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EmpressaurusKitty · 12/07/2026 12:17

HyggeTygge · 12/07/2026 10:48

Parents insist on posting on MNers without parents

I don't understand this, sorry

Oh shit, sorry. That was meant to be Parents insist on posting on MNers without children threads.

Werhere · 12/07/2026 12:16

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 12/07/2026 11:36

The description could be similar to that for Black Mumsnetters, saying that NT people are welcome to post respectfully but that the space is primarily for ND Mumsnetters to discuss ND adult life.

Just because I hadn't hammered out the exact wording doesn't mean you need to get stroppy with me.

So you start a wooly thread
but expect people to know that by asking for it to stipulate the thread is for ND adults you actually mean something else

DrRylandGrace · 12/07/2026 12:12

EmpressaurusKitty · 12/07/2026 09:27

Parents insist on posting on MNers without parents threads & I think the Black MNers board has similar problems.

You’ll get comments like ‘It came up in Active’ and ‘I have a right to give my opinion.’

Good luck though.

I think the difference is that anybody posting racist comments anywhere on Mumsnet — let alone on the Black MNers board — would swiftly be banned, yet Mumsnet is rife with appalling and discriminatory comments about autistic people, etc and Mumsnet does nothing about it in most cases.

DrRylandGrace · 12/07/2026 12:09

Gingerkittykat · 12/07/2026 10:37

I've read the thread for partners and spouses of neurodiverse people, and it is pretty nasty. I would prefer if talk like that was kept away from a board for ND adults.

“Pretty nasty” is a very understated way to describe it! It’s appalling. A large number of those posting there make discriminatory and factually disproved comments about ND people and many of their partners have no diagnosis anyway and are simply exhibiting behaviour of being unpleasant people rather than ND, yet those posters have decided to attribute it to neurodiversity for no fathomable reason and reinforce each other’s misguided prejudices and ignorance. It’s astonishing the Mumsnet still allows it to go on, frankly.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 12/07/2026 11:36

Werhere · 12/07/2026 11:13

Good heavens it’s like banging my head against a brick wall

YOU say you want a description to confirm that the thread is for ND adults.

That is presumably excluding anyone not ND including partners

The description could be similar to that for Black Mumsnetters, saying that NT people are welcome to post respectfully but that the space is primarily for ND Mumsnetters to discuss ND adult life.

Just because I hadn't hammered out the exact wording doesn't mean you need to get stroppy with me.

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Werhere · 12/07/2026 11:13

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 12/07/2026 10:05

No I'm not. I don't mention partners at all. I only mention parents. I wasn't even thinking about NT partners when I posted, but have since clarified that I think they should be allowed.

Good heavens it’s like banging my head against a brick wall

YOU say you want a description to confirm that the thread is for ND adults.

That is presumably excluding anyone not ND including partners

HyggeTygge · 12/07/2026 10:48

Parents insist on posting on MNers without parents

I don't understand this, sorry

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 12/07/2026 10:44

Gingerkittykat · 12/07/2026 10:37

I've read the thread for partners and spouses of neurodiverse people, and it is pretty nasty. I would prefer if talk like that was kept away from a board for ND adults.

The infamous support thread in Relationships is awful. We made a parody of it, a support thread for the ND partners of NT people.

Generally, the "my DH has been diagnosed autistic" threads in ND MNetters I've seen have been not like that.

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Gingerkittykat · 12/07/2026 10:37

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 12/07/2026 10:05

No I'm not. I don't mention partners at all. I only mention parents. I wasn't even thinking about NT partners when I posted, but have since clarified that I think they should be allowed.

I've read the thread for partners and spouses of neurodiverse people, and it is pretty nasty. I would prefer if talk like that was kept away from a board for ND adults.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 12/07/2026 10:33

Imagine if the local community centre ran a High Intensity Interval Training fitness class and a model train club at the same time in different rooms and people carrying model trains kept walking into the HIIT class by mistake because the door sign said "TRAIN HERE" and the model train people misread it as "TRAINS HERE".

I'm talking about the same kind of mistake: parents posting about their ND children in such a way that it's clear that they expect other parents of ND children to see the thread, then posting "bump" and "anyone?" when they get no replies.

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selffellatingouroborosofhate · 12/07/2026 10:23

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · 12/07/2026 09:50

Actually @Werhere is right here, you may not have meant it to come across like that, but it reads as I don’t like when you post you have difficulty in your life as I feel that you are talking about me and that shouldn’t be allowed.”

You've missed a word: "here". "...that shouldn’t be allowed here".

Being talked about like we are burdens is soul-destroying, it's hurtful, and over time harms our mental health. ND people are bombarded with negative messaging all our lives. When someone NT posts about how they struggle to raise their ND child, that's more of the "burden" messaging.

The NT parents of ND children need support and they should get it from the SN boards set up for that purpose. It's unfair to expect us to solve their problems.

The ND MNetters board is meant to be a safe space for ND adults. "Burden" messaging makes it not a safe space any more. We are already disproportionately more likely to blame ourselves for things unfairly. ND MNetters should be a space for us to recover from that.

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selffellatingouroborosofhate · 12/07/2026 10:05

Werhere · 12/07/2026 09:31

Read your op. You are essentially asking for partners to also not be entitled to post

No I'm not. I don't mention partners at all. I only mention parents. I wasn't even thinking about NT partners when I posted, but have since clarified that I think they should be allowed.

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