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Original poster

Ageism should be against Talk Guidelines

187 replies

Somethingbland · 30/05/2026 18:16

In the past there has been a lot of disquiet about the blatant ageism on MN.

Today I have been extremely annoyed by a blatantly and unashamedly ageist thread in AIBU about dressing " like an old lady"
I reported the thread and of course was told by MN the thread is allowed to stand because it doesn't contravene Talk guidelines.
But why doesn't it? Why does MN see ageism as perfectly acceptable? It's a total disgrace in my eyes.

I was amongst the first women who were affected by the change in retirement law and was so unable to retire at 60 as had been the norm previously. The discrimination I experienced as an older woman amongst predominantly younger staff was extremely upsetting . To be a figure of fun and contempt because of your age is no joke. And yet MN is apoarently happy to enable such views on this site

OP posts:
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6
PillsBox · 30/05/2026 20:38

You’re right OP that thread is very ageist.

But if MNHQ banned ageism they’d also have to ban sexism.

And that would cause outrage amongst those who regularly state they hate all men.

SomeGarlic · 30/05/2026 20:33

Notsosweetcaroline · 30/05/2026 19:56

I just don’t see the insinuation it meant frumpy. The dress is frumpy on the op, but when you say someone dresses like a teen, or an old lady, or a mum, it’s a uniform typical of that age range.

for ageism to be taken seriously. As it is important you need to actually fight real battles, not run round your living room screaming there was a negative connotation thay was never said.

Show quote history

Oh, we shouldn't concern ourselves with commonplace trivia. Right, got it.

So it's fine & harmless to tell boys not to cry like a girl, to ridicule them if they run like a girl or throw like a girl, to sneer at a man for doing women's work. It's just words, everyone knows what they mean.

CurlewKate · 30/05/2026 20:30

MyThreeWords · 30/05/2026 20:00

It's not the job of moderation to censor wrongthink. I agree with you that ageism is rife on MN, and i feel increasingly frustrated by it as I grow older. But the relevant talk guideline is, I think, 'no hate speech', and plenty of examples of ageism, including this one, are simply not hate speech. They are just stupid and lacking in empathy and wisdom.

Annoying as it is, we haven't got any right not to see stupid and unkind posts.

EDIT: Actually it sounds like this example wasn't even stupid or unkind. I'm in my sixties now and I don't think I'd be offended by someone speaking of 'old lady dressing styles'. I'd know what they were getting at.

Edited

well-it kind of is. It quite rightly moderates racism, disablism, homophobia for example. Why is agism different?

thisfilmisboring123 · 30/05/2026 20:28

Cactusali · 30/05/2026 18:54

Completely agree OP. Ageism is absolutely rife on Mumsnet and is rarely called out.

Rarely called out?
You must be joking!!

Notsosweetcaroline · 30/05/2026 20:24

SomeGarlic · 30/05/2026 20:13

It's ageism when it's implicit that the 'preferred by older people' style is uglier, frumpier, dowdier than that 'preferred by younger people'.

The dress in today's thread was an unremarkable sun dress, could be worn by any woman who doesn't mind long skirts and bare arms. Yet the OP's friend said it was an old lady dress, the OP was unhappy about that, and replies agreed it was frumpy, dowdy - like old ladies.

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That’s not true, the responses are irs dowdy frumpy but not like an old lady. You can’t just make stuff up.

SomeGarlic · 30/05/2026 20:20

spendyspend · 30/05/2026 20:13

Use your eyes. It’s how they dress.

Show quote history

So you're saying we dress in ugly, dowdy, frumpy clothes.

All of us. At what age does one suddenly start choosing ugly clothes?

SomeGarlic · 30/05/2026 20:17

spendyspend · 30/05/2026 19:11

Now I’m wondering if this is about a thread where I said I don’t want to wear walking sandals while on holiday because they look like something a 60 year old would wear 😬

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This is a sense check.

I don’t want to wear walking sandals while on holiday because they look like something a Jew would wear.

Offensive? Think about it.

spendyspend · 30/05/2026 20:13

SomeGarlic · 30/05/2026 20:13

It's ageism when it's implicit that the 'preferred by older people' style is uglier, frumpier, dowdier than that 'preferred by younger people'.

The dress in today's thread was an unremarkable sun dress, could be worn by any woman who doesn't mind long skirts and bare arms. Yet the OP's friend said it was an old lady dress, the OP was unhappy about that, and replies agreed it was frumpy, dowdy - like old ladies.

Show quote history

Use your eyes. It’s how they dress.

SomeGarlic · 30/05/2026 20:13

spendyspend · 30/05/2026 19:17

Yet you’re here saying it’s “ageism” to say older women have a different style to younger!

Show quote history

It's ageism when it's implicit that the 'preferred by older people' style is uglier, frumpier, dowdier than that 'preferred by younger people'.

The dress in today's thread was an unremarkable sun dress, could be worn by any woman who doesn't mind long skirts and bare arms. Yet the OP's friend said it was an old lady dress, the OP was unhappy about that, and replies agreed it was frumpy, dowdy - like old ladies.

sesquipedalian · 30/05/2026 20:07

OP, I suspect everyone reading that thread new exactly what the poster of it meant - she didn’t want to look like Miss Marple, or a granny when she’s in her thirties, or however you choose to express it. I’m a retired DGM, and I don’t find it in the least offensive. I fear you are conflating your poor treatment at the hands of younger people at work with the idea that any reference to being old in terms of style or anything else is ageist. I’m very sorry you were badly treated at work, but to refer to something as “granny” or “old lady” is simply shorthand. And yes, grannies do matter, but I think my people (particularly my DD’s) would be a bit startled to see me wear skirts as short as some young girls do - if I wanted to, I would, but with age it is to be hoped comes a little discernment and realism over the fact that one no longer has the legs one had at twenty. It’s not ageist to point that out: it’s just a fact of life.

MyThreeWords · 30/05/2026 20:00

It's not the job of moderation to censor wrongthink. I agree with you that ageism is rife on MN, and i feel increasingly frustrated by it as I grow older. But the relevant talk guideline is, I think, 'no hate speech', and plenty of examples of ageism, including this one, are simply not hate speech. They are just stupid and lacking in empathy and wisdom.

Annoying as it is, we haven't got any right not to see stupid and unkind posts.

EDIT: Actually it sounds like this example wasn't even stupid or unkind. I'm in my sixties now and I don't think I'd be offended by someone speaking of 'old lady dressing styles'. I'd know what they were getting at.

ElixirOfLife · 30/05/2026 19:59

ElixirOfLife · 30/05/2026 19:50

I can see how the other thread was ageist and I am definitely more aware of ageism as I get older.

It’s like most things, it doesn’t feel like a real issue until it’s you. I’m not sure it’s the same in every country, it seems some cultures really value their older generation’s life experience and knowledge.

I thought of this book which was recommended on another thread yesterday - looks worth a read https://www.amazon.co.uk/Hags-Eloquent-clever-devastating-TIMES/dp/0349726981/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=3KS3OSLRZX7XO&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.d3y8f6EBp7SkR9PukUlSmPzPripqROMYRxhVgc4CBkUo6EUoCuSm3oA0wd7ZKJvoHSFIy05QliW-vI4QjmVSZJ7tm9psSaOB0wiAY6gTtb4R5Y2GeUA2Bz-BroD-1jqIHoEcC04ZpkVzE4nHWGzW0w4H-cITXZpgfk1s-ZAikmfakeDFOpJirRVvqeamfeDE1PzbnGX3pmTXKO3LHc8i0g.lkWGMELZJUHq4d9YhYSZdEB7AkeavzgUjIi_u03AVsA&dib_tag=se&keywords=hags&qid=1780164970&sprefix=%2Caps%2C2315&sr=8-1

This

Ageism should be against Talk Guidelines
Notsosweetcaroline · 30/05/2026 19:56

Somethingbland · 30/05/2026 19:25

If your mother has a different style that's great.
That's totally different from saying your mother dresses like all the women of her age group and different from saying she dresses in a style which you consider something to be "frumpy " or inferior which was the premise of the other thread .

I dont want this to become a thread about another thread.

I was incensed by the blatant ageism of the other thread but unfortunately ageism is rife on MN. I can remember various threads where in all seriousness OPs have talked about being old and past it at 30 or younger. And this is really important stuff at a time when there is so much emphasis on being young and looking young is the only thing that appears to matter.

All women matter. And we should be ensuring on MN that women aren't dismissed and derided and stereotyped because of age

Show quote history

I just don’t see the insinuation it meant frumpy. The dress is frumpy on the op, but when you say someone dresses like a teen, or an old lady, or a mum, it’s a uniform typical of that age range.

for ageism to be taken seriously. As it is important you need to actually fight real battles, not run round your living room screaming there was a negative connotation thay was never said.

Notsosweetcaroline · 30/05/2026 19:53

BIWI · 30/05/2026 18:52

It absolutely was ageist. The term 'old lady' was being used to imply something poor/inferior/unstylish etc.

Ageism is supposed to be against Talk Guidelines but, IME, it can be very hard to get MHQ to agree with reports!

No it was being used to indicate a style typically worn by women if an older demographic. Like dressing like a teen is dressing like a girl of a younger demographic. Trying to pretend people don’t dress differently oh the whole at different life stages is silly and it’s not ageist to say it.

InconsequentialFerret · 30/05/2026 19:31

Twisterlollies · 30/05/2026 19:13

My Gran calls things ‘old granny’. She doesn’t see herself as such. Because it’s not referring to a person, it’s referring to a style.

Show quote history

My mum, who died in her nineties, always dressed in a very smart way. She talked about "old lady" style, and didn't want to wear anything that could be construed as such.

And it was a definite style, the floral nightie with trim for instance, or the dress that looked like it came from a bygone era.

She wore clothes that I was never going to wear, but they weren't "old lady" clothes.

TheyGrewUp · 30/05/2026 19:30

Firstly, I think the thread in question was ageist.

Secondly, I am sick of seeing the term "boomer" used on this site in a pejorative way and it being allowed to stand.

Thirdly, I am almost 66 and still working. I love my work and have not experienced any snark due to my age, despote exoressing concern about what I consider the over-reliance on AI. I feel I am respected by younger colleagues. I am delighted that the retirement age was increased. I went back to work in my early 40s and it gave me a good crack at a second career.

Lastly, as one of those of us who have been here since it were all fields and who enabled Justine's success in the early days, are in or heading to our 60s, I would venture that a little more support for our demographic should be forthcoming.

CieloElmers · 30/05/2026 19:29

MrsSchadenfreude · 30/05/2026 19:26

It was ever thus with every generation!

Show quote history

And I imagine it will go on for all of time

CieloElmers · 30/05/2026 19:28

Blimms · 30/05/2026 19:26

That’s a complete mischaracterisation of MN and its users. It’s a rather ironic statement too seeing as you are sneering at and moaning about ‘the older generation’.

Show quote history

In my opinion it’s not, I see it all the time. I’m not sneering at the older generation (you have no idea how old I am). I was pointing out its not just the younger generation who is ageists on here

spendyspend · 30/05/2026 19:27

Somethingbland · 30/05/2026 19:25

If your mother has a different style that's great.
That's totally different from saying your mother dresses like all the women of her age group and different from saying she dresses in a style which you consider something to be "frumpy " or inferior which was the premise of the other thread .

I dont want this to become a thread about another thread.

I was incensed by the blatant ageism of the other thread but unfortunately ageism is rife on MN. I can remember various threads where in all seriousness OPs have talked about being old and past it at 30 or younger. And this is really important stuff at a time when there is so much emphasis on being young and looking young is the only thing that appears to matter.

All women matter. And we should be ensuring on MN that women aren't dismissed and derided and stereotyped because of age

Show quote history

It’s not ageism. It’s just a fact. I’m in my 20s and don’t want to dress like I’m 70.

Newsenmum · 30/05/2026 19:27

My mum is in her 70s and worries about dressing like an ‘old lady’. It’s more like the style.

Newsenmum · 30/05/2026 19:27

BIWI · 30/05/2026 18:52

It absolutely was ageist. The term 'old lady' was being used to imply something poor/inferior/unstylish etc.

Ageism is supposed to be against Talk Guidelines but, IME, it can be very hard to get MHQ to agree with reports!

The thing is it isnt necessarily pejorative. Old lady, old man, teenager, toddler. The person was talking about stereotypical clothes of different ages and generations.

Blimms · 30/05/2026 19:26

CieloElmers · 30/05/2026 19:24

I think the older generation on MN love moaning and sneering, about younger generations and expect everything to be like it was in “their day”

things like:
I managed to buy a house in my day, stop buying coffee and you can too
Young people who can’t find employment are lazy
We never did that with kids in my day, todays parents bla bla bla
Kids make to much noise in their own gardens
DILs are awful because they have rules about their own kids
Baby names are awful nowadays
Comments about how young girls dress

That’s a complete mischaracterisation of MN and its users. It’s a rather ironic statement too seeing as you are sneering at and moaning about ‘the older generation’.

MrsSchadenfreude · 30/05/2026 19:26

CieloElmers · 30/05/2026 19:24

I think the older generation on MN love moaning and sneering, about younger generations and expect everything to be like it was in “their day”

things like:
I managed to buy a house in my day, stop buying coffee and you can too
Young people who can’t find employment are lazy
We never did that with kids in my day, todays parents bla bla bla
Kids make to much noise in their own gardens
DILs are awful because they have rules about their own kids
Baby names are awful nowadays
Comments about how young girls dress

It was ever thus with every generation!

Original poster
Somethingbland · 30/05/2026 19:25

spendyspend · 30/05/2026 19:09

How is it negative?

My mother is 60 and she has a very different style to me. It’s not negative it’s just an observation

Show quote history

If your mother has a different style that's great.
That's totally different from saying your mother dresses like all the women of her age group and different from saying she dresses in a style which you consider something to be "frumpy " or inferior which was the premise of the other thread .

I dont want this to become a thread about another thread.

I was incensed by the blatant ageism of the other thread but unfortunately ageism is rife on MN. I can remember various threads where in all seriousness OPs have talked about being old and past it at 30 or younger. And this is really important stuff at a time when there is so much emphasis on being young and looking young is the only thing that appears to matter.

All women matter. And we should be ensuring on MN that women aren't dismissed and derided and stereotyped because of age

OP posts: