Page 3 | Ageism should be against Talk Guidelines

Somethingbland · 2026-05-30T17:16:21+00:00

In the past there has been a lot of disquiet about the blatant ageism on MN. Today I have been extremely annoyed by a blatantly and unashamedly ageist thread in AIBU about dressing " like an old lady" I reported the thread and of course was told by MN the thread is allowed to stand because it doesn't contravene Talk guidelines. But why doesn't it? Why does MN see ageism as perfectly acceptable? It's a total disgrace in my eyes. I was amongst the first women who were affected by the change in retirement law and was so unable to retire at 60 as had been the norm previously. The discrimination I experienced as an older woman amongst predominantly younger staff was extremely upsetting . To be a figure of fun and contempt because of your age is no joke. And yet MN is apoarently happy to enable such views on this site

CuriousPaper · 29/07/2026 21:54

PrettyLittleRose · 29/07/2026 21:31

I don't think it is at all.

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When you picture people of different ages and yourself at different ages how does a 60 year old dress? Is it different from a 50 year old? Or an 80 year old? Or a 20 year old?

When I picture myself at different ages and people I know a description of how people dress based on age doesn't accord with the living reality.

Bakeittillyoumakeit · 29/07/2026 21:38

I wouldn't want to dress like a teenager - is that ageist too?

I'm over 50 and still won't want to dress like an 'old lady' when I'm 60. HTH.

Original poster

Somethingbland · 29/07/2026 21:36

PrettyLittleRose · 29/07/2026 21:31

I don't think it is at all.

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Of course it is. It is assuming that all 60 year old dress in a certain way because of their age. And it assumes it is not an appealling way to dress.
I

OP posts:

PrettyLittleRose · 29/07/2026 21:31

CuriousPaper · 29/07/2026 21:25

Yes it is.

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I don't think it is at all.

CuriousPaper · 29/07/2026 21:25

spendyspend · 30/05/2026 18:59

Is it ageist to say you don’t want to dress like a 60 year old when you’re in your 20s?

Yes it is.

Lippyblippy · 29/07/2026 21:20

Definitely was an ageist thread. Casual ageism, disguised as something else.

Original poster

Somethingbland · 26/07/2026 16:32

@Anonymouseposter
www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5558046-to-think-gill-pharaoh-had-the-ideal-end-of-life?reply=153720234

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Anonymouseposter · 26/07/2026 16:11

Somethingbland · 26/07/2026 14:43

I'd actually forgotten I'd started this thread back at the end of May.

In the last few days I have been embroiled in the thread about whether people should just end their lives at the age of 75 because apparently, in the view of some pp , life isn't worth living after that age..

Certainly my lived experience is that many many older people in my community live full, active, and enjoyable lives into their 70s 80s and beyond. I find it really horrible that MN continues to pedal the line the line that older people are to be lumped into the category of not counting as people because they are too old to actually matter as individuals.

Edited

I can’t find that thread. Do you have a link please?

Original poster

Somethingbland · 26/07/2026 14:43

I'd actually forgotten I'd started this thread back at the end of May.

In the last few days I have been embroiled in the thread about whether people should just end their lives at the age of 75 because apparently, in the view of some pp , life isn't worth living after that age..

Certainly my lived experience is that many many older people in my community live full, active, and enjoyable lives into their 70s 80s and beyond. I find it really horrible that MN continues to pedal the line the line that older people are to be lumped into the category of not counting as people because they are too old to actually matter as individuals.

OP posts:

MNHQ

BeckyAMumsnet · 02/06/2026 11:19

Thanks for raising this. We do understand why ageism matters, and we don’t want anyone on Mumsnet to feel dismissed or mocked because of their age. If a post appears to be attacking or goading people on that basis, we’ll look at it in context against our Talk guidelines.

We can't reasonably remove every clumsy reference to age or generational difference though. Age comes up naturally in all sorts of conversations on Mumsnet and sometimes posters will word things imperfectly, and other posters are free to challenge that, but it doesn’t automatically mean the whole thread breaches our guidelines or that the poster had bad intentions.

A thread asking whether an outfit feels “old lady-ish” may not be phrased in a way everyone likes, but we wouldn’t treat that in the same way as someone attacking another poster because of their age.

What we do need to avoid is unrelated threads being pulled off course into a wider argument about ageism. It isn’t fair on the OP, and it often leads to pile-ons and personal comments that make the thread worse for everyone. By all means challenge ageist assumptions where they appear, but please keep it relevant to the thread and don’t pursue other posters across the discussion. If you think something crosses the line, report it and we’ll take a look. We won’t delete every mention of age or every awkward phrase, but we will review reports in context.

Thanks.
MNHQ

Theresmagicwheretheflowersgrow · 31/05/2026 12:11

Cornishtwine · 30/05/2026 21:59

I don't think that thread was ageist.

Fwiw I've been on Gransnet recently and they were discussing how "younger women" in leopard print were "tarty"

Swings and roundabouts

If you object to something posted on Gransnet you need to comment there!

Did you mention their ageism to them? If you did, what was the response?

Cornishtwine · 31/05/2026 11:15

@Somethingbland what are your thoughts about Gransnet being equally ageist? Just curious 💐

Cornishtwine · 31/05/2026 11:14

tobee · 31/05/2026 01:20

That’s equally offensive

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Exactly! but if Gransnet removed every thread similar then the forum would be empty.

Yesterday there was one on Gransnet about the youth being overly anxious and incapable of work.

By their standards it's acceptable to generalise and criticise a whole generation.

🤷‍♀️

basoon · 31/05/2026 10:58

sesquipedalian · 31/05/2026 09:43

@ Peony1985 -
I said that if I wanted to wear a short skirt I would - and I would defend anyone’s right to do so - but there aren’t many women approaching seventy who would look as good in a vest top and a bum-skimming skirt as they did in their teens and twenties. Ditto a bikini. Helen Mirren wore one when she was 63 and looked fabulous: many women wouldn’t. It’s just a matter of choice and facing up to reality. As I say, people should do what they want, but it’s not ageist to point out that people’s bodies do change as they age.

Pretty true. Very few people look good in bum skimming skirts though to be fair 😁

basoon · 31/05/2026 10:56

spendyspend · 30/05/2026 18:59

Is it ageist to say you don’t want to dress like a 60 year old when you’re in your 20s?

I think that's ok, it's about how you phrase it I suppose. I'm 62. Probably wouldn't take offense at this example, at other ones I might.

Original poster

Somethingbland · 31/05/2026 10:50

TotalBaloney · 31/05/2026 09:55

Then you probably shouldn’t have posted on that specific thread that you’d started a thread about ageism in response to it. People are bound to link the two.

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You definitely have a point.
When I started this thread I was very incensed about the blatant ageism of that thread that MN obviously didnt have a problem with.
However I have tried to make it clear that thread was just the latest example of ageism on MN..

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TotalBaloney · 31/05/2026 09:55

Somethingbland · 31/05/2026 08:24

As I've already said i don't want this to become a taat.

Ageism is rife on MN. And yes I agree with pp that ageism works both ways. Generalising and complaining about younger people as an homogeneous group is also offensive.

Language matters. And we shouldn't use language without being aware of it's effects. That's why racist language and language inciting religious hatred is illegal.

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Then you probably shouldn’t have posted on that specific thread that you’d started a thread about ageism in response to it. People are bound to link the two.

sesquipedalian · 31/05/2026 09:43

@ Peony1985 -
I said that if I wanted to wear a short skirt I would - and I would defend anyone’s right to do so - but there aren’t many women approaching seventy who would look as good in a vest top and a bum-skimming skirt as they did in their teens and twenties. Ditto a bikini. Helen Mirren wore one when she was 63 and looked fabulous: many women wouldn’t. It’s just a matter of choice and facing up to reality. As I say, people should do what they want, but it’s not ageist to point out that people’s bodies do change as they age.

RedTagAlan · 31/05/2026 09:16

Peony1985 · 31/05/2026 06:49

This just shows how “old” is deeply ingrained as undesirable.
Should old women not wear bikinis because their bodies aren’t 20 years old?

If you said a wheelchair user shouldn’t be in a short skirt because her legs don’t look great, you’d be rightly shot down.

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There is nothing stopping anyone from wearing a bikini. It's up to the person if they want to wear one.

Re the wheelchair user in a short skirt ? Who says "don't wear a short skirt because legs don't look great ?" Anyone saying that should be ignored, no matter who they say it about.

footbeds · 31/05/2026 08:36

I wear some of the same items as my mum (70s) and have always done so but she has always dressed quite differently from her peers.

I would never dress like my granny (90s when she died) as her style was completely different eg she would never wear trousers.

footbeds · 31/05/2026 08:32

benefits budget high then let's cut the pensions... this thing about age seems to even be a narrative the government is happy to push, as it deflects from the real issues imo, which are myriad and complex!

But pensioner benefits are a huge part of the welfare bill. An ageing population is expensive, that isn’t rocket science or ageist.

Original poster

Somethingbland · 31/05/2026 08:24

abracadabra1980 · 31/05/2026 03:47

Christ. Why do people take offence at so much these days. The woman in that thread is entitled to describe her dilemma in whichever way she wishes. It is NOT offensive. Get a life, OP.

As I've already said i don't want this to become a taat.

Ageism is rife on MN. And yes I agree with pp that ageism works both ways. Generalising and complaining about younger people as an homogeneous group is also offensive.

Language matters. And we shouldn't use language without being aware of it's effects. That's why racist language and language inciting religious hatred is illegal.

OP posts:

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 31/05/2026 08:19

Another view of 'old lady dressing' is that it is just another chip on the rock that is ageism. Can't get a home, then it must be the older generations, NEETs, then why don't people retire, older people don't have skills and can't use IT / AI, benefits budget high then let's cut the pensions... this thing about age seems to even be a narrative the government is happy to push, as it deflects from the real issues imo, which are myriad and complex! I get what is being asked but it is not 'old lady' dressing but frumpy and staid dressing and this 64 year old knows words and labels can harm, she dealt with it in her role in helping those living in social housing deal with stigma. Labels stick and words can hurt, perhaps a little more thought about what we say and when would benefit us all. This 64 year old is out on her motorbike today, in clothing that would not look out of place on Whowhatwear and has had to deal with much, but ageism even related to clothing, just reinforces ageism elsewhere.

footbeds · 31/05/2026 07:58

Also I would think the average age of a user on here is late 50s so it isn’t.a “young” site which should mean less ageism to older people.

Peony1985 · 31/05/2026 06:49

sesquipedalian · 30/05/2026 20:07

OP, I suspect everyone reading that thread new exactly what the poster of it meant - she didn’t want to look like Miss Marple, or a granny when she’s in her thirties, or however you choose to express it. I’m a retired DGM, and I don’t find it in the least offensive. I fear you are conflating your poor treatment at the hands of younger people at work with the idea that any reference to being old in terms of style or anything else is ageist. I’m very sorry you were badly treated at work, but to refer to something as “granny” or “old lady” is simply shorthand. And yes, grannies do matter, but I think my people (particularly my DD’s) would be a bit startled to see me wear skirts as short as some young girls do - if I wanted to, I would, but with age it is to be hoped comes a little discernment and realism over the fact that one no longer has the legs one had at twenty. It’s not ageist to point that out: it’s just a fact of life.

This just shows how “old” is deeply ingrained as undesirable.
Should old women not wear bikinis because their bodies aren’t 20 years old?

If you said a wheelchair user shouldn’t be in a short skirt because her legs don’t look great, you’d be rightly shot down.