Unpleasant thread answers, but not ‘personal attacks’? Does it make Mumsnet into a place you don’t want to engage with as much, or at all?

I’m fascinated by the bot issue and wonder how they operate on a place like mumsnet. Do they post comments and to what end?

I was thinking exactly the same thing, There's been a few examples of just plain nasty comments this afternoon.

It's really hard, but as soon as you see they're goading you, ignore, ignore, ignore, because the troll type thrive off upsetting people and getting a response. Do not engage, do not feed the trolls.

Sorry I’ve been disconnected! I work in digital marketing and it’s industry standard to assume that. Many people are pulling out investment in digital marketing for this very reason. Different numbers here, but this article gives you an idea of how bad it is - DM me if you want more info, I’m a nerd for this kind of thing

That’s interesting, I have always wondered how much was real. Where did you find that statistic? Is it specific to MN or just the internet in general? I don’t doubt it, I’m just wondering where it came from.

Well I’m not going anywhere for now because I’m quite active on several sites and no where is it women centered and feminist like here. I guess you can’t help the bullies.

It does stop me from posting for help though. A while ago I posted for help under a different handle. I got absolutely roasted, reported for trolling, my account was locked and I had to beg to be let back in (and mumsnet asked me in so many words to stop engaging with the thread because they’d get lots of reports on it). I’m still dealing with that issue and muddling through it but not even considering posting for help. Ah well.

I’ve been on here since 2015 and it’s definitely been like this since then. And there have always been threads like this and people threatening to flounce because they don’t like the tone. But the bottom line is that more people seem to enjoy the nastiness. MN is a for-profit business so they will do whatever brings more engagement to the site. Not to mention they have to pay moderators for their time.
I see stuff like this all over the internet but a lot of people seem to think it’s nicer everywhere else. I think those people would be better served to stay where they feel comfortable because I would be absolutely shocked if anything changed around here.

Yeah but some people can be quite vile in their disagreeing with you - you get passive aggression, or even personal attacks and insinuating that you’re stupid etc, simply for voicing your own opinion. I think that’s wrong.

I also feel it’s quite wrong to “pile on” to one poster(as in personally replying to them / quoting them) by multiple people making same point - again, even if you’re disagreeing.

I love your comment. It captures everything that draws me to Mumsnet. The intelligence. The wit. The bluntness. The real feminism. It’s a place where people speak their minds in ways that are rare in popular discourse. I guess the moderation has something to do with it.

My least favorite comments are the gender reversals. I find them maddening. The “if this were a man posting, it would never be acceptable” type. Then the pile-ons agreeing that Mumsnet has a double standard for men and women. That the OP is a user, perv, molester, abuser, and so on.

But this isn’t a man posting! It’s a woman. And women are the oppressed class. That changes things in subtle ways. If it were a man, the context would often be completely different. So no, you can't flip it around and compare it apples to apples.

The reversal comments don't appreciate the quiet ways women move through the world differently. It's such an... un-feminist perspective. And it's so trite and boring and frankly, stupid. I wish it would stop.

PS: I don't know how to quote only a partial quote. Since this is site stuff, figured I'd bring it up!

Not necessarily - and still just as good a reason to put forward your own views and opinions for other (non-trolls/bots) to read.

Exactly, @BIWI,but don't we all have better things to do than scroll 5 pages of trolling to find the 3 posters with a vocabulary bigger than 5-6 trigger words who actually have something to contribute?

Eg I am 50+ and want to speak to 30something mums to find out their views and where they are coming from wrt to still voting Labour and are they happy with the level of political education they have received. Not a journalist, just mum of a teen curious and interested to expand my worldview to help guide my dd. If I start a thread it will get derailed by bots and agenda-holders, no?

I think if the first poster is nasty you get a pile on. But there's is a very heavy lean to picking threads apart and microdisecting and going off a tiny side detail.

I sometimes post about friends as I'm ND so need some prospective. I always get riped to shreds. I just get advice from chatgpt now as although it's geared to tell you what you want to hear, it actually gives you advice on things to try without calling you a freak. Unlike on here.

For the same reason I hold back on some advice even if I work or volunteer in that field as don't want some vitriol. It's always been like this unfortunately. But I especially dislike people picking one side aspect and turning the thread about that. Say you have a 18 year old cat and your asking if you should PTS as it's struggling on your flats stairs. People will ignore the question and vilifying the flat angle.

Can I just point out, though, that disagreeing with someone - even if it’s heated - is not bullying?

And I strongly disagree that MN shouldn’t have topics like politics. Politics affects us all, and it’s important that people do understand at least the basics of what’s going on in the world, day-to-day. Yes, some posters have an agenda (that’s often clear by the title of their thread(s)!) but that doesn’t mean you can’t put your own views and thoughts forward. Debate and discussion is what helps us all to learn about issues.

If MN was simply about babies and parenting it would be a lot poorer of a site.

I think the best thing when dealing with the bullies on here is to follow the advice my mother gave me as a child, which is "don't react." It's so hard not to respond and defend yourself, but really it's better simply to ignore the goady posts. As mum used to say, if they can see they've got you rattled they'll do it all the more. Don't feed the trolls!

I would suggest to continue reporting the posts.

I have started being careful not to get drawn in. Sometimes someone quotes me or tags me with a horrible little passive aggressive comment, often pointing out an error, and my instinct is to respond. I got caught up in a debate with a poster a while back and ended up calling them rude and condescending. As insults go, I reckon that’s pretty restrained, but they reported my comment and it was deleted. I was pretty pissed off because I knew, looking back, that I had been baited by them. Also, some people can dish it out but can’t take it. So now if I start to write a comment biting back, I stop and ask myself if it’s worth my energy and my sanity. Most of the time now I delete before I get to the point of posting and put it out of my mind. At least starting to write the comment can be quite cathartic!

100% agree!!!!

Mmm I’ve been here a long time under different nns and the early days weren’t all sweetness and light either! Yes, everyone knew each other’s names, but it was cliquey in the extreme. There were however lots of intelligent and humorous women posting and I think the no nonsense blunt style of Mumsnet was established in that era; and, within reason, I would argue is much preferable to hugs, rainbows and bunnies.

There are some very annoying trolls nowadays, out to just purely upset others and victim blame, who do it with little wit or style. And for that reason you have to be brave if you are genuinely seeking advice and that’s sad.

Some topics are notoriously rambunctious such as the royal threads and the dog house, where unfortunately a lot of condescending know-alls reside; the worst of whom have the fervent belief that they are right and no one else can possibly have anything of value to add and therefore must be rounded on! 😆

BUT I don’t think Mumsnet’s value in allowing women’s voices to be heard in the feminism and politics topics should be underestimated! Misogyny being what it is today and getting worse than ever before, there are not many places left where women can speak freely and openly and where women’s issues come first. Long may that continue!

Ditto consumer reviews ; you can rely on getting sound product recommendations here if you ignore the promotional gumph and simply ask; I’m about to buy a hoover or an air fryer, which is the best one? And that is refreshing in this day and age,

I was going to make a similar point to the poster above about moderation being rather indiscriminate at times and if two posters get in to a barney, it’s often the poster who is reported who gets deleted, rather than the one who is being most vituperative and goady. So reassuring to see Mumsnet HQ responding to that point on here. It can’t be an easy site to moderate!

Finally, agree with pp, that once you are older, you simply don’t care so much and you can skim over the bumps a little or know to leave a goady thread behind.

I do think it’s disingenuous though when people say “why are you upset, it’s only strangers on the internet” because of course there are humans behind the key boards who do take things personally and some posters forget that. And we can all have a bad day!

It's not the nasty comments that make me not want to engage with mn. It's the absence of moderators, the blatant AI posts allowed to stand, and the tolerance of vexatious posters (aka trolls).

Some of the Talk categories should be removed. This is a parenting website. If mn wants to set itself up as a politics chat forum and then completely fail to moderate highly sensitive discussions, it's going to attract troublemakers.

It's also wasting people's time because politics concerns and affects all of us, and I get the impression that a lot of mners would like to discuss these issues - which, after all, affect their children - but can't because of the posters with their own agendas.

There does need to be stricter monitoring imo. I agree OP.

People are gonna say you need a thick skin for social media, or that we are all adults etc, but the truth is there are some of us that are quite vulnerable!

I got a comment deleted for calling someone simple - the poster was failing to understand a straightforward issue and ultimately looked like some kind of Reform shill. I don’t particularly want that kind of discourse to thrive on MN.

I also got a comment deleted for pointing out that a PP had a Motability car which was almost solely used by her DH for him to commute to his work. This was found just by looking at her post history. Apparently exposing fraudsters and liers is against the spirit of MN.

On first glance, I was the meanie.

Remember online interactions coming from bots are around 30% of the total. Add to that themes that are planted by opinion groups to create polarisation, and your regular nasties are not as many as you think. I need to remind myself of this every time I get enraged with some threads. It’s so difficult to find genuine stuff now that I think forums like this will end up dying. And tbh they brought it up upon themselves given their resistance to moderate certain things

I think some of the comments on MN are far worse than saying f*k off you c*t, they’re condescending, designed to humiliate and bully, and just really, really nasty. I just pity people who write comments like that because it’s clear they’re deeply unhappy in their own lives and don’t have a lot going on. What happy, fulfilled, busy person would ever take the time to write a hateful comment to a stranger on an anonymous forum? The best thing you can do imo is ignore them. If someone’s looking for a fight why give them what they want?

Funnily enough, I had an absolute twat hone in on me the other day. Couldn't understand what I was saying so kept angrily posting that I made no sense. Just kept getting angrier and then nasty. Did a quick search on the name after, and turns out it was a man, and he had the same pattern of unkind posting on other threads.

I've been on mumsnet for probably 15 plus years. Early on I never posted, just read, but back then it was easy to 'get to know' more prolific posters because I recognised their user names. That made it feel less anonymous and more interesting as I got some sense of who they were. Personally I think it has got worse and there's much less actual discussion and more posters just repeating pretty much what the previous 50 have said.

I rarely start threads and comment under different user names now to keep things more anonymous and I assume many others do too. Also as many threads can become so long, I don't always have the time or patience to keep checking back, so get less "emotionally" involved. So I find it easier overall to ignore negative or abusive reactions. Only time I got really riled was a few years back when someone repeatedly attacked me over a situation I'd used as an example of a friend being unsupportive, by tryng to convince me (very rudely) I had been the unsupportive one. I reported that poster.