I’m getting really fed up of my posts being deleted.

If you’d said, ‘oh, really?! Is that what’s getting deleted?! Bloody hell that’s a shocker!’, no one would be berating you.

People ares still here because you don’t seem to believe the issue. You can’t argue the rules or a site. You just get to decide whether to stay or not.

Personally I hope you stay. It’s a good place, loads to learn and interesting perspectives. But being argumentative is unwelcome.

Except on AIBU! Go on there and do a poll, AIBU to think ‘are you stupid’ is a perfectly friendly phrase to lob into a disagreement?!

You’ll like it there. It’s robust.

TBF I’ve seen worse things on here than “are you stupid”. It’s not a phrase I would use, but I’m surprised people bother reporting - if the OP had called someone a cunt I’d have understood the issue.

I'm fairly ancient - 65. When I was a child, calling someone 'stupid' was deemed to be unforgivably rude.

I believe that youngsters round my way are still told that it's rude.

I don't understand why you keep saying it doesn't come across the same written as spoken - it's rude either way!

You're talking to strangers, you don't just call randoms stupid and expect them to be ok with it!

Other mumsnetters don't come here to be called stupid, I expect they were quite upset by that too!

I am Irish, living in the UK. I think it is a disgusting thing to say to anyone.

If you are getting so many posts deleted, you need to look a the common denominator.

I've been on here for 20 years+ and think I've only ever had one post deleted, and, when I looked back, I could see why it could have been interpreted in a way that upset people so I accepted it.

Do you go round in your day to day life telling colleagues, and people you meet in the service industry, retail and shops, medical appointments etc, they are stupid ? Or generally insulting them in other ways ?

Asking someone that where I am from is very aggressive and wanting a fight. It is a horrible way to speak to anyone!

You don't have to address anyone personally at all, you could just make your interesting points.

Adding are you stupid / hard of thinking / wow you must be a delight to be around isn't really bringing anything to the party.

OP since you are genuinely trying to understand flippancy is rude.

Being flippant is rude.

No OP it’s rude. Asking someone if they are stuoid implies you already think they are. And calling someone stupid is a personal attack and breaks their guidelines.. There are much more civil and polite ways to discuss something than to personally attack something than by calling. Someone a name, implying something unkind or attacking then personally because of something they have said. In my opinion calling someone a name or implying they are stupid is a lazy way to argue.

OP, if your bank manager or the cashier in the supermarket, or your Dr, or your DC's teacher, or a random in the street said to you 'are you stupid?!' surely you'd be pissed off?! It's incredibly rude.

If someone said that to me I wouldn't cry, I'd be very cross, and depending on the setting I'd quite likely tell them to fuck off.

You can't go around calling people stupid just because your family dish out good natured insults to each other. I really don't understand how you've for to (presumably) adulthood without working that out. I often call my DB a raging twat, it doesn't mean I'd say it to a colleague! If I did I'd expect to get hauled into a disciplinary. If I said it outside the pub on a Friday I'd expect to get a smack on the nose.

In what way?

So concentrate on your interesting insights, not the argument. People don’t have to agree with you. Your points will still be interesting.

Me? I mentioned where you’re from, because you said

‘Asking someone ‘are you stupid’ is a deliberate turn of phrase where I’m from.’

I suppose this is where I could ask if you are stupid for not understanding that….but I won’t, because it wouldn’t be polite and I think you just missed it, not that you’re stupid.

Yes.
You can comment about someone's post, and disagree with them, without being insulting, and you should try to do so.
Personal attacks are not permitted on MN.

I'm Irish and I certainly don't and if anyone said that to me I would definitely take it as an insult!

Think of it like this…. Lots of your posts were deleted, so lots of people reported them for being rude, so lots of people thought they were rude so… you sounded rude.

I get that you don’t think you sounded rude, but other people did.

Remember tone doesn’t come across in print! Maybe with your accent and intonation it’s ok.

When I read it, I hear the voices of sneering bullies on the back seat of the bus. “Are you stupid or what?!” <not aimed at OP- just reporting the bullies’ speech!>

Look, it’s not worth getting aireated over. Let it go, find a new phrase.

• Are you hard of understanding?

On MN the classic would be ‘did you mean to be so rude’ 🤣😇

Why would you assume someone was stupid because they don't agree with you?

Or you could edit your own language before you post. MN are not going to waste their resources on making your written word acceptable, when it’s quicker to delete.

It is your responsibility to learn how to communicate in a way which is acceptable to their guidelines. It’ll help in real life too if you speak to people that are not from where you’re from, where apparently your way of communicating is ok. You’ll most likely find if you travel elsewhere and ask people if they’re stupid, it won’t end well.