Met rozzers - update needed please MN

Oh hell. I've started making the trifle now thinking of get to eat it tomorrow, I forgot this little flaw in my escaping. Hopefully the name change will confuse Felix until boxing day

Too right! They haven't even got to go trawling for our comments as I've nicely collated them and printed them out for them! They've just got to get £20 out of the pretty cash tom (oops tin! But it was Tom who snitched on us all, he must be on my mind!) and they are sorted! That will cover about (and no I've not counted I'm guessing) 50 maybe 60 of us over the two books!

Us unrepentant bastard in both books are properly fucked, aren't we!

But if you submit a FOI request, will you have to reveal that your name is truly @SirChenjins and not a made up MN user name, which people currently think it is?🤔

Somewhere today a woman will be arrested for something else entirely and during the interview the police are going to be slightly confused when she keeps asking if they want to know her mumsnet username!

Nee naw nee naw! Yep! You are going in the cells with the rest of us!!! Annnnnd yours was about animals!!!!

Why not the second?

I'm in the second!

Ohhhh shit. Shouldn't have said that. I'm going down, aren't I?

Are we all still here?

Still knock at the door. All seems quiet. I have been out to the butchers, did pass a police car coming the other way but they ignored me.

Maybe they are letting us have Christmas, and will come for us after (I am guessing they can't risk the backlash if suddenly there are a load of women absented from cooking the Christmas dinner....).

Bum tattoos are a pain in the arse. Who knew?!

I tried to ask Dr Google if buttocks have nerves but didn't understand the answers. A slight refinement of search factors (well, OK it was 'do bum tattoos hurt?') came up with this info

Butt Cheek TattoosEven though the buttocks have a proper layer of fat, muscle, and skin padding, it is a well known phenomenon that tattoos in this area are still painful. This is due to the fact that there are around 2500 nerve endings in each cheek. However, it’s not just all those nerve endings that causes pain...the healing process can be very difficult since, obviously, this is an area you use often!

Sorry to derail. As you were.

I’ve just left the gym & I'm in my favourite coffee shop. I’m a regular at both. If the police don’t find me at home do you think they’d know where to look?

I'm having a Bailey's with a splash of coffee. Might be a while before we see decent grog again.

We had a takeaway, last treat before prison obvs, but still no knock on the door.

I'm back from my night out. All seems quiet on the Western front.

The police came into the restaurant and just for a second I was ready to resist but they weren't there for me. DH thinks we can all breathe easy.

I only know one person with a tattoo on her arse and I don't think she'd appreciate me phoning her right now to randomly asked if It hurt when she got it done! I may ask her when I speak to her on Christmas Day though if I remember!

Banged to rights!

I read that arse tattoos are some of the most painful. You wouldn't think that, would you, with all the fat to cushion it? It's not like we have lots of nerves in the arse, is it?

I’ll have one on each arse cheek, please.

.

Brilliant @KnowsWhatAGiraffeIs 🤣

oooh, I can have a shot at the aliens thing again!

That might be seen as an aggravator offense, tbh.

I’m hoping Justine is cracking the whip on the Tech people to short out the long threads crashing issue

I’d just joked about politicians being planks and had a nice Special Branch follow up but neither big thread will load now they’re over 600 posts
<hurummph>

It’s Christmas, under threat of mass arrest, I can’t drink due to abx, least I should be able to do is read the funny threads and attempt some wooden jokes

At least if we’re banged up together we won’t need a hi-tech MN, we can just scrawl posts on the walls to each other

I have a nice set of multicoloured chalks for when we need diagrams of whose toothpaste is parked over whose flannel at the sinks

Perfect opportunity for you to mess around with the fonts!!!