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MNHQ

The Sex topic - an update on moderation

465 replies

YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 01/03/2023 09:43

Hi everyone.

Thanks for all your comments over the past week regarding the Sex board. It’s become clear from the discussion that we needed a rethink about our approach to this part of the site and so we’re going to introduce some rules to help ensure that posters can get the support and advice they need from the board and that everyone has clear expectations of the behaviour we expect.

Posters must be at least 18 years of age - Mumsnet has always been a site for adults but we want to be crystal clear about this for this board.

The board is text based - we don’t allow NSFW (not safe for work) images.

We don’t allow links to any NSFW sites or personal profiles on other sites

We will not tolerate creepy or harassing behaviour in particular from male posters

We’ve also had concerns raised about the ongoing ‘sex chat threads’ including the risks involved with allowing users to PM each other. Our approach has always been to allow consenting adults to make their own judgement when it comes to what they’ll share and, broadly, that is still the case across the site - but we acknowledge there are additional vulnerabilities here that we ought to consider.

With that in mind, we will no longer allow users to ask for or to offer to send PMs for the purposes of sex chat. For one thing, we can’t guarantee that the person you’re chatting with is who they say they are and we can’t realistically safeguard these kind of off-board discussions. We’ve looked at the moderation principles of similar boards on other sites and this is indeed the policy on several others.

We’d also like to address some of your other comments if we may. Last year we reduced the time required from joining to posting on Sex from 90 days to seven. We’ve no plans to change this at the moment because this timeframe has proved to be a sufficient deterrent to bad actors and we believe that 90 days is too long if you’re a new user with a genuine concern. We’d also like to be clear that our commercial partnerships have had zero bearing on any changes we’ve made (nor did anyone ask us to make changes) and MNHQ does not (and would never) post affiliate links to products under the guise of a regular MNer. We may be many things, but we are not underhand!

As with everything, we’ll continue to monitor the situation and we hope these new rules will go some way to reassure you. If anyone has further questions, please post here and we’ll do our best to answer them.

Thanks.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 02/03/2023 08:14

@YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet if asking for PMs isn’t allowed on the sex chat thread why are you letting the thread stand. It literally has no point to it. Implying it’s allowed is damaging the ethos of this site.

And it’s not in any way a thread for advice.

Mermaidparades · 02/03/2023 06:51

@Theyresexpeoplemn I love your username!! That sketch is hilarious! Can I give my perspective? I use the Sex Board because I was already on Mumsnet and saw the topic, began to post and received replies from like minded folks whose sense of humour and advice made me smile. Nothing sinister.

i imagine it’s the same for the people who use the Sex Chat.
We didn’t create these areas on Mumsnet, we merely use them.

ProbablyNotAGoodIdea · 02/03/2023 02:11

MovingonfromMartin · 02/03/2023 01:46

5 of us who are willing to take the flack. Many others who don't want to get ripped to shreds. I have given my reason. I don't have to justify why I remain here.
I think maybe you should ask the people who post on threads about gardening and music and dog ownership should also consider why they are posting on a PARENTING website when they can do that elsewhere too then?

Show quote history

Well no because unless I'm wildly mistaken about what goes on in Gardening, it doesn't bring a load of creepy blokes to the site to harass women with PMs and post about their fetishes and fantasies so it's really not a problem.

MovingonfromMartin · 02/03/2023 01:46

Theyresexpeoplemn · 01/03/2023 23:37

Strange how it's the same 5 or so posters that pop up so, so many times vociferously defending their right to use mn as a hook-up and sex chat site. It seems to me that most people are against the changes.
Have any of the famous five actually said why they want to use a parenting website instead of any of the hundreds of sites that are available for sex chats etc?

5 of us who are willing to take the flack. Many others who don't want to get ripped to shreds. I have given my reason. I don't have to justify why I remain here.
I think maybe you should ask the people who post on threads about gardening and music and dog ownership should also consider why they are posting on a PARENTING website when they can do that elsewhere too then?

BIWI · 02/03/2023 00:30

With apologies for the duplication

BIWI · 02/03/2023 00:29

Oh look! The latest post in the sex topic. Is this really what Mumsnet is about?:^
^

Not really sure if anyone can advise here.

I’m going on a trip for work next week for a few days to the USA. It’s a big trip for me, so I’m really excited. They are putting me up in a really nice hotel and flying me business class. However, I will have quite a bit of free time in the evenings.

I’ve been single for about 2 years now and had a few flings but nothing serious and the idea of getting up to some fun while away in a hotel seems so hot to me.

Has anyone ever done anything similar or got any advice on how to find a local guy who might be up for something? Tinder maybe?

I’m going on a trip for work next week for a few days to the USA. It’s a big trip for me, so I’m really excited. They are putting me up in a really nice hotel and flying me business class. However, I will have quite a bit of free time in the evenings.

I’ve been single for about 2 years now and had a few flings but nothing serious and the idea of getting up to some fun while away in a hotel seems so hot to me.

Has anyone ever done anything similar or got any advice on how to find a local guy who might be up for something? Tinder maybe?

Theyresexpeoplemn · 01/03/2023 23:37

Strange how it's the same 5 or so posters that pop up so, so many times vociferously defending their right to use mn as a hook-up and sex chat site. It seems to me that most people are against the changes.
Have any of the famous five actually said why they want to use a parenting website instead of any of the hundreds of sites that are available for sex chats etc?

HJ40 · 01/03/2023 23:14

I'm happy to flounce. I was actually just coming on to say I think the only answer is a boycott. I fundamentally disagree with how MNHQ view this.

I have had some extremely useful help from the various boards over the years, but most of the time I'm idly passing time or contributing to random threads so actually a couple of weeks off will do me good to realise how much time I spend waste on here and what else I could achieve with that time. Perhaps once my habit it broken that might be it.

Sayonara.

sadpanda82 · 01/03/2023 23:13

BaroldFromEastenders · 01/03/2023 23:09

My god there are some incredibly pompous people on this thread.

if you’re going to flounce then flounce

We are allowed to have our opinions and say our pieces. What you fail to grasp is that MN has been a haven for many women for a long time. The recent changes and backflips and excuses have just become too much.

Up and leaving isn't just as simple as having a hissy fit. There is somewhere for MN refugees to go but we are still allowed to mourn what was.

BaroldFromEastenders · 01/03/2023 23:09

My god there are some incredibly pompous people on this thread.

if you’re going to flounce then flounce

sadpanda82 · 01/03/2023 23:07

I was holding out hope that there would be a good decision made around this and now I feel like I'm being gaslighted. I was resisting joining the decampment but this is the final straw.

Surplus2requirements · 01/03/2023 23:04

@BIWI I've no desire to get into the sort of unpleasantness that happened last night. I think this thread has been useful and informative but Ive said what I wanted to say (with a few clarifications)so I'll wish you a good night

Surplus2requirements · 01/03/2023 23:00

@LangClegsInSpace as I said it was a passing thought after reading many posts insisting MN is infested with predatory pervs.

I've no idea if it really is, I have my doubts but completely accept that my viewpoint and experience is very different to others.

MNHQ is best placed to judge.

BIWI · 01/03/2023 22:58

FFS. And yet again @Surplus2requirements you turn up.

You use lots of words but contribute fuck all. You love it, don't you? Being Mr Nice Guy.

LangClegsInSpace · 01/03/2023 22:47

I do wonder if unsolicited PMs will increase if there's no place for solicited PMs but I guess we'll find out.

This belongs with statements like 'If you criminalise buying sex then there will be more rapes.'

There was never a problem with creepy PMs before MNHQ decided to encourage them. Before then, everyone understood they were unacceptable and should be reported (and occasionally copied onto a thread so we could all rip the piss out of them).

Yellowdays · 01/03/2023 22:37

Given the nature of the whole site, which can be quite personal, I think it would be good to know the uses to which our data is put. I see you have a right to commercialise the site, but people should be clear in what way, surely. Then we can make an informed decision when posting.

CrotchetyCrocheting · 01/03/2023 22:31

Surplus2requirements · 01/03/2023 22:22

I don't know it is, I don't use sex sites but MN is very strongly female led and has robust moderation policies against predatory men.

More so than any forum I've been on.

I completely understand some women don't want any form of sex chat, some don't want any chat about sex at all. That's all fine but some do.

The 3 some thread is interesting, I've just read it. I've no idea of the motivation of the poster but all of the replies (disapproval aside) are dry, factual experience from both men and women with nothing I could remotely describe as wank fodder.

If the OP was indeed a perv then they were sorely disappointed

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OK. I was just a bit confused because one minute you are suggesting that if men can't get what they are looking for on sex chat threads they might go rogue and start dming anyone and everyone, next you are suggesting that mumsnet might be a safe space. Both of those strongly contradict each other so I will believe you when you say that you don't know what you are talking about and leave it there Smile

GertrudeBell · 01/03/2023 22:25

Thanks @YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet I think this is a step in the right direction.

I would also welcome clarity around the Ann Summers adverts. Has MN also now listened to the concerns of MNers about video ads trying to sell sexy underwear or “treats” with girls in lingerie dancing and gyrating?

Surplus2requirements · 01/03/2023 22:22

CrotchetyCrocheting · 01/03/2023 22:11

So why did you say that there is possibly no where else on the Internet as safe as mumsnet for sex chat? Why even throw that out there when you know it is untrue Confused

Show quote history

I don't know it is, I don't use sex sites but MN is very strongly female led and has robust moderation policies against predatory men.

More so than any forum I've been on.

I completely understand some women don't want any form of sex chat, some don't want any chat about sex at all. That's all fine but some do.

The 3 some thread is interesting, I've just read it. I've no idea of the motivation of the poster but all of the replies (disapproval aside) are dry, factual experience from both men and women with nothing I could remotely describe as wank fodder.

If the OP was indeed a perv then they were sorely disappointed

scrumpf · 01/03/2023 22:14

MN isn’t a safe space, though. Nowhere on the Internet is.

At least with the more focused sites you aren’t lulled into a false sense of security.

This.

Surplus2requirements · 01/03/2023 22:12

ProbablyNotAGoodIdea · 01/03/2023 22:06

Reread the opening post of this thread. Sex chat PMs are banned for safeguarding reasons. It's not being enforced, inexplicably, but don't assert sex chat is safer here than anywhere else.

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Yes I've already said I surprised it hasn't been taken down

CrotchetyCrocheting · 01/03/2023 22:11

Surplus2requirements · 01/03/2023 22:02

Of course there isn't and sadly it goes for all the other boards on MN. That's why informed risk management is so important

Show quote history

So why did you say that there is possibly no where else on the Internet as safe as mumsnet for sex chat? Why even throw that out there when you know it is untrue Confused

MovingonfromMartin · 01/03/2023 22:09

BIWI · 01/03/2023 21:47

There is a world of difference between hooking up for sex and chatting about it with a like minded adult

And I ask again: on a parenting site? Why not post somewhere that's specifically about sex/hook-ups? Why Mumsnet?

I'm a parent. I've used Mn for years. I was struggling with a break up from the arsehole that was Martin and was searching for help to get over him. I found it on MN all over the place. The he's a bastard, you are better off without him, you were silly to fall for him type thing, didn't help. The sex chat thread did.

ProbablyNotAGoodIdea · 01/03/2023 22:06

Surplus2requirements · 01/03/2023 22:02

Of course there isn't and sadly it goes for all the other boards on MN. That's why informed risk management is so important

Show quote history

Reread the opening post of this thread. Sex chat PMs are banned for safeguarding reasons. It's not being enforced, inexplicably, but don't assert sex chat is safer here than anywhere else.

Surplus2requirements · 01/03/2023 22:02

CrotchetyCrocheting · 01/03/2023 21:58

You are the second person to allude to mumsnet being a 'safe space' or 'safer' for sex chat on this thread. There is nowhere safe on the Internet, especially when you are soliciting sex chat.

Show quote history

Of course there isn't and sadly it goes for all the other boards on MN. That's why informed risk management is so important

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