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MNHQ

The Sex topic - an update on moderation

465 replies

YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 01/03/2023 09:43

Hi everyone.

Thanks for all your comments over the past week regarding the Sex board. It’s become clear from the discussion that we needed a rethink about our approach to this part of the site and so we’re going to introduce some rules to help ensure that posters can get the support and advice they need from the board and that everyone has clear expectations of the behaviour we expect.

Posters must be at least 18 years of age - Mumsnet has always been a site for adults but we want to be crystal clear about this for this board.

The board is text based - we don’t allow NSFW (not safe for work) images.

We don’t allow links to any NSFW sites or personal profiles on other sites

We will not tolerate creepy or harassing behaviour in particular from male posters

We’ve also had concerns raised about the ongoing ‘sex chat threads’ including the risks involved with allowing users to PM each other. Our approach has always been to allow consenting adults to make their own judgement when it comes to what they’ll share and, broadly, that is still the case across the site - but we acknowledge there are additional vulnerabilities here that we ought to consider.

With that in mind, we will no longer allow users to ask for or to offer to send PMs for the purposes of sex chat. For one thing, we can’t guarantee that the person you’re chatting with is who they say they are and we can’t realistically safeguard these kind of off-board discussions. We’ve looked at the moderation principles of similar boards on other sites and this is indeed the policy on several others.

We’d also like to address some of your other comments if we may. Last year we reduced the time required from joining to posting on Sex from 90 days to seven. We’ve no plans to change this at the moment because this timeframe has proved to be a sufficient deterrent to bad actors and we believe that 90 days is too long if you’re a new user with a genuine concern. We’d also like to be clear that our commercial partnerships have had zero bearing on any changes we’ve made (nor did anyone ask us to make changes) and MNHQ does not (and would never) post affiliate links to products under the guise of a regular MNer. We may be many things, but we are not underhand!

As with everything, we’ll continue to monitor the situation and we hope these new rules will go some way to reassure you. If anyone has further questions, please post here and we’ll do our best to answer them.

Thanks.

OP posts:
OneOfEachPlease · 02/03/2023 11:10

I think all that is covered by the health and relationships topics personally. And people post where they choose anyway - chat, AIBU, etc

GoAgainstNicki · 02/03/2023 11:09

If you’re not interested in the sex chat thread then just don’t engage with it?

Many people in the comments don’t actually use the sex board but are still trying to get rid of something that doesn’t bother them at all, why is that? There’s many men AND women who comment on the sex chat thread hoping to engage with someone.

Why should it be taken away just because some don’t want it on MN when you don’t even use it anyway?!

Surplus2requirements · 02/03/2023 11:07

Further to @Janiie comment I do believe that any woman posting on the sex board asking for women only to reply would have the request respected and if needed defended

TangledUpInDreams · 02/03/2023 11:06

If people want contributions from both they can continue to go to the sex topic.

Rhondaa · 02/03/2023 11:01

'Your point about ‘for women to ask for advice, and for women to answer’ was implicit in my comment but I should have stated it outright.'

Many women ask for a man's perspective. If there's any concerns about replies posts will be reported, mnhq will check it out and take it from there I presume. As sex involves men and women I do think it is reasonable that both contribute.

HaroldsHoodie · 02/03/2023 10:57

I agree, on both counts!

Your point about ‘for women to ask for advice, and for women to answer’ was implicit in my comment but I should have stated it outright.

As you said, there’s no way to actually police that, but it should be considered a women’s space, and it should be understood that any individual who is asked to leave because others are uncomfortable, should respect that and do so (and that should be backed up by the group and by moderation team).

Bamboux · 02/03/2023 10:51

HaroldsHoodie · 02/03/2023 10:39

Must add, I specifically avoided ‘sexual health’ because I think it needs to be clear it’s about sex itself and advice support around that (which will, to an extent, include sexual health).

Ah sorry for misquoting you.

I personally think any topic in which women ask for advice on sex itself is going to be a magnet for pervs and creeps unless it is at least theoretically meant to be women-only.

I wouldn't ask for advice on sex here. Probably not anywhere online tbf but certainly not here.

HaroldsHoodie · 02/03/2023 10:39

Must add, I specifically avoided ‘sexual health’ because I think it needs to be clear it’s about sex itself and advice support around that (which will, to an extent, include sexual health).

Bamboux · 02/03/2023 10:34

Thank you @YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet thanks for listening and for being willing to change things for the better.

I like @HaroldsHoodie 's suggestion of creating a separate topic for 'women's sexual health and wellbeing'. Reddit has rules on various subforums that only certain people may post there (e.g. 'askoldpeople' you must have been born in 1980 or earlier, other forums are specifically for those who are/identify as specific categories). I wonder if it would be worth making that an explicit rule - that it's for women seeking advice and support on sexual health and wellbeing from other women.

While I realise there is no way to actually police that, I believe it would have a definite impact on the tone and content of the support offered, and would make it a more worthwhile forum.

The difference in tone and content between what men and women post is very clear across the sex and relationships boards. Obviously doesn't apply to 100% of posters, but on balance the contrast is clear

HornyBee · 02/03/2023 10:33

There we are then. Normal service resumed. The site is now free of perverts and nobody will ever receive an unsolicited PM ever again.
Good result all round I'd say 👍

Clymene · 02/03/2023 10:20

Yes thank you @YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet. I'm really glad that thread's gone.

BIWI · 02/03/2023 10:18

Thank you @YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet

Mermaidparades · 02/03/2023 10:14

I’m so glad for the posters who were fundamentally opposed to the chat thread and equally
so sad for those who found benefit from it. 💖 to all

HaroldsHoodie · 02/03/2023 10:13

@YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet

Perhaps there’s call for a second Sex topic.

’Women’s sex and wellbeing: support and advice’ or something like that?

I think if people want to discuss sex as a thing (which I really have no objection to in principle - I love sex and engage in a lot of it, I’ve got a collection of things with which to play, was raised in a very relaxed Scandinavian hippy household, yadda yadda yadda) I’ve no issues with that per se, barring the objections and reservations I’ve already gone into at length so I’ll spare everyone. I have absolutely no problem with highly sexed women or women who like to discuss what they like to do (or don’t like to do!) nor with respectful, decent men who don’t trample over women’s boundaries.

But for women who might not want to have to wade through all that, and might not want to have to deal with the sorts of men that is going to attract, then for advice/problems/health questions or worries they’ve got it’s probably better that there's somewhere else where women can go if they want to ask questions around sex rather than discuss the act itself.

OneOfEachPlease · 02/03/2023 10:12

Great. I hope we can now leave this happily.

(unless the malicious deleting of ENM/bisexual threads continues)

Mermaidparades · 02/03/2023 10:11

@MeganTheeScallion 😂

MeganTheeScallion · 02/03/2023 10:10

@YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet @Mermaidparades @onirgellep Perhaps some sort of...sheath... (I'll get my coat)

Mermaidparades · 02/03/2023 10:08

A lacy cloak with a masquerade eye mask! Count me in 🥂

MNHQ
YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 02/03/2023 10:05

@onirgellep @MeganTheeScallion we'll have a chat about this! I feel they'd need a special cloak.

OP posts:
Surplus2requirements · 02/03/2023 10:04

@onirgellep Sex watch sounds a bit pervy 😬

MeganTheeScallion · 02/03/2023 10:03

@onirgellep that's an idea! @YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet what do you think?

onirgellep · 02/03/2023 10:02

@MeganTheeScallion perhaps MNHQ could get some volunteer moderators
'
maybe Sex Watch a bit like Night Watch

Surplus2requirements · 02/03/2023 10:02

@HaroldsHoodie there has been some discussion about wiping the whole board and renaming it, I can't remember where though as there's so many threads

OutOfThisState · 02/03/2023 10:00

Well done mumsnet, you got there in the end. 👏

MeganTheeScallion · 02/03/2023 09:58

@Janiie in my opinion the topic should definitely stay, and be moderated in such a way that is safe for everyone, especially the posters who use it. I don't have many ideas on what that should look like, that's for better qualified people than me! (By which I mean people who use the topic regularly and have a good understanding of online safety.)