The Sex topic - an update on moderation

Yes, this.

Yeah, this sounds like a really good idea.

I also agree with @BIWI that 7 days is too short a time from registration to posting. Would 30 days not be a good compromise?

Many topics could fall under relationships or health anyway

@YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet

Re. With that in mind, we will no longer allow users to ask for or to offer to send PMs for the purposes of sex chat.

My only concern with this is that by the time a post has been spotted, reported and deleted it might be too late - especially at night, which is peak troll time, and you are relying on the goodwill and availability of the Nightwatch. With no offence intended to the Nightwatch, I do think you need at least one paid, dedicated nightshift moderator on the site (I know this has been said before).

Why on earth have you looked as it such a den of depravity and discust?!

I think this will probably depend on how you describe yourself and your particular interests on the thread - even if you can no longer specifically invite PMs from anyone.

I presume if people want to chat privately they'd just keep introductions on the thread vague then filter any dms they may get. Or, alternatively as others have said use other sites.

I think that is part of the problem? The false feeling of safety that mumsnet gives users when in reality you have no idea who is behind a username and what their motivations may be. That's exactly why mumsnet shouldn't be used as a sex chat forum.

I'll just copy what Becky said about this again:

With that in mind, we will no longer allow users to ask for or to offer to send PMs for the purposes of sex chat. For one thing, we can’t guarantee that the person you’re chatting with is who they say they are and we can’t realistically safeguard these kind of off-board discussions. We’ve looked at the moderation principles of similar boards on other sites and this is indeed the policy on several others.

@YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet - will you be going through the sex chat and deleting all the PM requests on there?

It appears this thread has also been started in the Sex Topic, so there may well be different opinions coming in from their perspective.

@Clymene and others, Not being like these other Hookup sites you describe,, has been what made MN unique. There is a feeling of safety here, and it was nearly always light-hearted compared to others.

@chipndip's idea is an excellent one! I commend it to the House.

That's a really good idea.

Have you considered putting all new member on pre-mod for their first half a dozen posts on the Sex board? I appreciate this might mean a little more work for MNHQ, but it is something that can definitely be coded. Something to think about, I hope.

This approach is something that quite a few of the other message boards I post on use.

@YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet - firstly - thank you, and thanks to MNHQ for listening to people's concerns.

Secondly, can I suggest that things are reviewed after a couple of months, to see if the new guidelines outlined here have stopped the problems that people have been having with the Sex topic recently.

In particular, it might be worth reviewing the reduction of the wait of 90 days until you can post on the topic to 7 days - to see if that still prevents 'bad acts/bad actors' from misusing the topic.

You go to fetlife or fab swingers or any of the other many many hook up sites.

MN is (thankfully) no longer the place for that.

(again, any rules for men will apply to women too, I'm sure)

we will no longer allow users to ask for or to offer to send PMs for the purposes of sex chat. For one thing, we can’t guarantee that the person you’re chatting with is who they say they are and we can’t realistically safeguard these kind of off-board discussions.

So how are we going to make contact with fresh people if I can't say that I would like a PM from say a Bi woman?
Will I get PMs from mostly Straight men or Women then filter myself.
That would be tedious!
Or have I got the 'wrong end of this stick'. Which can happen.

Thank you for your reply, but for clarity's sake, I would like you to confirm that this is not acceptable behaviour on Mumsnet according to the principles you apply when you decide on these matters. It's not a difficult question to answer.

Is it fair and correct to say that according to MNHQ's moderation standards and the values of your brand which you imbue into this space, an unsolicited PM from a man about intimate matters such as sex/ejaculation is creepy and intrusive?

Is it acceptable behaviour on this site or not?

(Sorry, random ‘is’ there)

This seems a sensible balance. I would not support the deletion of the sex topic and it’s replacement with something which implied you could only discuss health. That strays too far into morality policing.

I would ask the MN Towers also keep an eye on the practice of people maliciously shutting down any bi/lesbian/ENM chat with troll hunting and weird accusations. Is bi women do exist too!

Have I missed an update somewhere on if it's staying in Active?

Thank you @YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet and thanks for considering the further points people are raising.

As has been said, relying on reports from users of the topic, when most of us who don't use the topic have it hidden, means that you can't rely on reports flagging up valid concerns. Same goes for PMs.

Might I suggest you consider extra monitoring of the topic by MNHQ, also random checking of PMs to ensure rules are being adhered to?

I realise this would mean extra work for your team, but I think it would reassure those of us who have expressed our concerns and also help avoid anything like this situation occurring in the future. It might also help to deter the sleazy types who would hopefully go elsewhere to get their jollies if they knew they were likely to get busted.

Thank you again and thanks to all the mods, I don't doubt it's been very difficult to deal with all the reports and fall-out