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all your principles about kids you had before you had them will join the pigs flying past the window.

you willl never wattch the news inthe same way again.

you will become a kinder teacher. ( i did)

You will never again be able to hold a 10 minute conversation with someone without being interrupted/have to act as referee/save your dc from certain harm - whilst they are in the vacinity

no matter how squeemish you are, you will, at some point, cup your hands to catch their sick.

oh yes I agree

johnsons baby wipes get rid of about 95% of stains on your clothes and sofas

Just dont take yoursefl too seriously!

Children don't actually die if they eat catfood (but it would help if they didn't look quite so like cheerios). And dd does now have shiny hair and strong teeth. (And if it was your first child you would have taken it to the doctor)

Leanr to say, 'It's just a phase' whilst breathing slowly and remaining calm (especially useful when faced with other mum s talking of their sleeping/walking/talking cherubs).

Do not use a (brand new!!) travel potty as a crown, turn round, leave 2 year old to make it into a 'necklace'. You may have to waste valuable olive oil greasing said child to remove the potty.

When you?ve moved everything out of their reach, your child will learn to get a chair to make themselves taller.

1. Vaseline makes a superb alternative to wet-look hair gel.

2. It takes roughly 3 hairwashes and a buzz-cut with a pair of clippers to completely remove Vaseline from a 5 year old?s hair. Nothing short of a steam stripper and a coat of paint will shift it from wallpaper.

Bum wipes clean everything! No need for a variety of products anymore.

You must have a sense of hunour and lose all thoughts of family privacy when they can talk.

att he supermarket put everything they naga bout int he trolley then take it out and hide it all over the shop when they are not looking.

It keeps someone isn a job.

remember almost everything washes
Pooey hands, muddy trousers, but not cats.

somebody should warn first time mums that there will be a time when you suck snot out of your little cherbub's nose...yes really

men's hearing seems to go a bit downhill once the baby is born - especially at night.

sweets/chocolate bribery works

making home seem really boring means school is much more exciting and they are more willing to go ('mummy we get to paint at school and we never do that with you. School's much more fun')

give your babies mild curry right from the start of weaning then they will happily accompany you to Tandoori Nights for your Saturday night curry (so one less pre-child outing you have to sacrifice)

Soupy Very true!

When you are on the phone your child will need the loo...and then yell (for all to hear)
"I've finished...I said I've finished will you wipe my bum please?"
It is at this point that you tie your phone to your ear with a pair of tights!!

Whatever you claim that you will not do BC, you will find yourself doing/saying when you have the child.......

#1 Babies DO bounce, and will fall off beds, settees, chairs, changing tables , without coming to much harm. #2 Arnica is very good on bruises #3 1 & 2 are not necessarily related items

While it is good not to lie to your children about where babies come from, it can have a down side. DS1 (4.5)in Mothercare stated to a pregnant lady, "I know you got a seed from your husband to make your baby (then whispered, by a special cuddle), and Mummy says that you get it out by pushing like doing a poo!" Oh how I wished he hadn't really listened to me, and be like his friends that think you get babies from a baby shop

You can remove an envelope necked vest downwards rather than pulling it over your precious baby's head. There will be a time when there is poo up to their armpits and this is an essential piece of information

be prepared....DS will always produce amazing fountain during nappy-changing process....