trolls, attention seekers and other wierdos.

True, I suppose it depends on the level too, I mean you could for arguments sake have someone who is so embriolled in their misery that they want peole to feed off their pain and have no intention of resolving their issues, taking a victim stance but this can be for want of a better word someone who may be genuine but has yet to work through their problems as opposed to someone who is deliberatly setting out to cause a drama where none or very grey areas exist. In my experience as a trainee counsellor I have encountered clients who present with so many defences and working through issues can and does take time and sadly as supportive as the threads can be it often takes a lot more than however well intentioned advice offered on the boards.

i didn't read every single one of the fox threads but surely the point is that this person is deserving of our sympathy, if not for the reasons she'd like us to believe. she can't be in a very healthy place mentally if she's doing this sort of thing. everyone who tried to help or was concerned did so with the purest of motives, so that doesn't make a mug of anyone.

afaik there was dv in the situation because embassy contacts had previously been made for a similar event, so there is a villain. that the victim has become unstable, vulnerable and needy as a recult is hardly surprising. Domestic abusers pick vulnerable people and render them more vulnerable. they don't often pick on people who are feeling strong... too much like hard work breaking them.

i've had experience of this with a friend who is still with a very abusive man... she had a fairly rich fantasy life and i did feel hurt and lied to when i found out, but it doesn't actually change the fact that she's got a shit life and is unable to change it.

Message withdrawn

Sorry pruni misread your post and yes would have to agree with you on that point but also sadly by the same token some genuine people can act this way when they are messed up and can't see the woods for the trees so to speak. I think the point about consistency is probably key though as to those who are genuine.

Message withdrawn

I agree Pruni, and this was exactly the case here. For example I told her not to sign for the sale of her oh so expensive family home until she had agreed a divorce settlement, or at least knew she would get some of the money. She didnt listen. Now I know there was no house sale....

Also, some others gave her details of a safe contact at the British Embassy in Japan. If my life and that of my dc;s was in danger I would have contacted this person rather than writing on MN about escaping while my dh was asleep.

these seem to me to be so inconsistent with someone genuinely in trouble that it doesnt ring true.

Her db didn't have a passport, and there were lots of excuses as to why she could not get one in time locally, so think it was suggested that she just turn up at UK Immigration with her sob story, someone get one in UK on her behalf to send out to her or borrow another child's..... Only eavesdropped on the threads so may not have the full picture .

Message withdrawn

Pruni although i agree with most off your post, I can't help but feel your comment re people not acting on advice a little back and white. Change is and can be very difficult for people and may not often happen immediatley.

I dont know, I was on the right side of the law at least.

how was the law going to be broken?

I think you are right wannabe. I know when I saw her first story and I realised she was asking for help, I dont think i could have just sat there knowing that about 15 miles away from me someone was thinking of sending their dc's away and then killing themselves.

I hoped that if I was ever that desperate someone, even a stranger, would take a chance and help me.

I think my lesson learned is that it is ok to offer help, but not to let too many of my personal details be known. I have visions of her turning up on doorstep.

You live and learn eh

Message withdrawn

Haven?t read all posts so apologies if repeating.

I think that one key factor in telling whether someone is genuine or not is consistency. I think that as soon as there is one bit of inconsistency that should set alarm bells ringing. In order to be a good lier you have to have a good memory, and often this is where liers trip up because they get a bit of their story wrong and that causes their downfall.

I think there?s never anything wrong with giving advice as someone else may be helped by it, but I do think that one should be very careful when considering offering practical help, i.e. somewhere to stay, to someone you?ve never met. And even if you?ve met them and others have raised concerns I think that it?s important to be on guard. Just look at how many people were taken in by that izzy woman on childmodelling and yet suspicions had been raised about her some time before the police became involved.

I have to say that I?m extremely cautious about people, especially people I?ve not had a long chat history with, I?ve been coming on the internet for about 5 years now, and I?ve talked to many, many people. I?ve only ever given out my mobile number when giving out a number, I?ve only ever given my address to two people, and that was to buy things off them, and it only happened after I?d known them for over a year.

I have to say that I do find it somewhat disturbing that people would consider breaking the law for someone they?d never met. I wouldn?t break the law for my closest friends, let alone for someone who I knew only from a chat nickname and an email address.

There are people on here I would go out of my way to help, but I?m afraid that if it was someone I knew little about I would be very cautious.

Yes WWJD - seems like a break might be in order.

See you in about 10 mins?

Lizs - yes the same one!

ok so think I've got the measure of most of this , however can anyone clarify if this was the same poster who asked for advice as her husband was bullying her not to breastfeed her young baby boy and being generally threatening towarsd her and an older dd (based in same part of the world iirc and he was of a different cultural background)

i think th ereason that wwjd got the reactipon she did was that she stated in her op that it wasn't aimed at anyone or anythread but in actual fact it was. If she had just said that in the first place then she would have got a different reaction.

i am so sorry that all the people concerned who did their upmost to help this lady have now found they were being duped,but im sure that for every single person who is deceitful there are hundreds who are genuine.Dont give up trying to help because it may be that a genuine person wont get the help they need.What kind hearted people you all must be.

Popsy look at the post...

By KezzaG on Fri 12-Jan-07 08:14:53

below... HTH

can someone please email on
posycal2005
at yahoo dot co dot uk
and tell me what is happening...i followed the threads too.
ta

Message withdrawn

cod hasnt told you the good news ,its on the thread i started last nite fiofio told me they are having a baby