Parents, how do you feel about risk?

And we don't actually know whether those were stranger abductions, do we?

"Stranger abduction of a child is extremely rare. Once you look into older age groups, it's sadly teenage girls who are most at risk from strangers"

Apart from Milly Dowler- can anyone think of one?

I had a look at numbers actually.
The real number of children abducted is very very low. About 45 per year.

That's just under the number of children killed in a car accident (about 60 a year).

And again not dissimilar to the number of children dying from chocking (About 30 a year)

But parents still cut grapes in half.

Because when you say that 1/4 of children deaths are due to chocking, it looks like an awful big number and one where you really HAVE to do something about it. If you say that 30 children died from chocking in the UK, it doesn't look that bad does it?
Abduction from a stranger is always making the headlines. It's always emotionally charged.
Does it happen? Yes it does? Should you stop your dcs from being out alone because of it? Well yes if you also stop them from going in car. Actually the risk of being in a car is higher because there are also the 2500 who are serioulsy injured and the 17000 who are slightly injured.

Or when you read guidelines about choking, they will tell you that 80 persons per day go to A&E because of chocking. Again it looks like a very big number which is not reflecting reality.

Imo this is one of the reason why people are also so confused on what is a risky thing to do or not. Numbers are put forward in such a way that it makes you think it is important, probably more so than it actually is.

My dc's have been playing out since reception year. We're lucky that the whole street goes out and parents are constantly coming and going.

I do try to keep my anxiety in check. The dc's (8 &7) have been sea kayaking and play in a feral tree climbing den after school. Although I've been slightly peeved by Parkrun rules that state under 11's must run within arms length of their dc's, ds is 8 and almost faster than me and imo would be fine charging off ahead in a busy park. It's all to do with their insurance apparently but holds back a lot of kids.

Of course horrible things can and do happen, but the rareness of it allows me to refuse to lead my life as if it was an imminent threat.
I suppose it does come down to how risk averse an individual is. Personally, I see lives very severely limited and stunted in their possibilities by fear: fear of abduction, fear of flying, fear of child falling out of a tree, fear of traffic, fear of all the many, many 'what ifs'.
Otoh, many of the most 'protected' children I have contact with through my DCs spends many hours daily with various screen games that I consider highly dangerous and detrimental. But they are in the house under their parents noses, so not 'in danger'.
'Tis a personal choice, innit. I don't know - I hate how much we limit ourselves, not just as individuals, but as a society as a whole.

Well I remember it more because it was just down the road from where I live, tbh - but yes, I have accepted and said it's rare - just not a "never happens" thing.

Bertrand - it does happen. Do you not remember the case of Milly Dowler? She was local to me, but not as local as Marsha McBrady, who was killed by the same man, apparently, a few 100m away from a family member's home.

Yes, it's rare, yes, abduction is usually by an estranged parent or similar; but you can't say it never happens because it does.

And we regularly have reports up here (different country) of strangers trying to entice/force children into their cars. Again, it happens. So IF it happened to a child from DS1's school AND no one was caught for it THEN I would not be letting DS1 out by himself.

I meant I know people who've had their dc die in a spontaneous car fire and people who've had a house rendered uninhabitable due to a dishwasher fire ie the events that are 'unlikely' in many people's minds. Hence I find it harder to dismiss them as ridiculous fears.

"Children aren't abducted very often. I know nobody who has been. But I do know of those things happening (actually know the people) so to me they aren't abstract risks"

Out of interest, what did you mean by this?

No problem :)

"I said. I know nobody who has."

Sorry- I misunderstood. I thought your said that you actually know the people this had happened to........

I said. I know nobody who has.

Giddy- do you know someone who has been abducted by strangers while walking to school?

I understand what you are saying but that's sort of my point. That these things are rare. Children aren't abducted very often. I know nobody who has been. But I do know of those things happening (actually know the people) so to me they aren't abstract risks.
Now do I try to make sure that my dc are unaware of my fears and don't feel restricted. We live practically in sight of the school and when DD wants to walk home she can. I have at 8 left her at home alone for short periods of time.
It's a bit like popping over to the pg after mc threads and telling them that their risk of mc is the same as it was before their mc so they're daft for worrying. Once it's happened you can't put it out of your mind 100%

I worry about how risk averse we have become as a society and how much we are limiting ourselves and our children, often due to overestimated, perceived risk rather than real likelihood.

I am a risk taker, and live to tell the tale

My DCs have been left asleep in their cot while I nip to the shop (corner shop, 2 minutes away), they have been encouraged to practice good road-safety awareness from a young age, they have been encouraged to balance on walls/climb trees/get dirty, they cycle without a helmet when not on the roads etc etc.

I think stranger danger is being over-emphasised - I don't see the alleged paedophile who lives in our street (no idea whether it's actually true) as a potential risk and chose to trust my DCs teachers/coaches/friends' parents. I hope I have taught them about trusting their instincts and being able to speak up if something is 'not right' or uncomfortable wrt how others treat them.

I think constant 'risk assessments' about every activity encourages to NOT look at what could be gained by taking a risk.

The local new built high school is about 100 yards away from a major river - people were up in arms about all the drownings that were to happen. So far, none. The banks of said river have been a popular meeting and drinking spot for teens around here for generations. Yes, there is a risk, but it's always been there and managing it surely is more around encouraging responsible behaviour, rather than where exactly the school is places?!

Anyway, I sometimes am made to feel quite insane for my stance on this, but hey ho.

The problem is that, although a child being abducted on the way home from school by a stranger is something that just does not happen, many people live their lives as if it is likely.........

Sorry, yes, that should have been added as a rider. Of course until the abductor is caught.

"But if you'd said "a child at your child's school is abducted by strangers while walking home from school, would you still let yours walk home by themselves?" Then my answer to that would be "Hell no!"

Well, presumably "hell no" until the abductor is caught.

Giddyon - I have to agree with Bertrand with the examples you've given.

But if you'd said "a child at your child's school is abducted by strangers while walking home from school, would you still let yours walk home by themselves?" Then my answer to that would be "Hell no!" Because that is something that someone else is choosing to do, not random 1-in-a-verylargenumber chances of something going wrong.

Cars very rarely spontaneously catch fire. Dishwashers more often - and perhaps if my neighbour had the same make and model dishwasher as I did, then I'd be more wary of when I used it - but still not that often.

Accidents happen, freak accidents happen a lot more rarely - but when there is a wrongdoer around, then it makes sense to be more wary yourself.

Burglars in the area - make even more sure that everything is locked up safe.
Car thieves in the area - buy a steering lock, make your car less attractive.
Child abductors in the area - don't let your child out alone.

Different types of risk.

"If your friends dc dies in a spontaneous car fire would you leave yours unattended in a car? If your neighbour's dishwasher catches fire would you leave yours on while you were out?"

I hope so.

I nearly died in a riding accident when I was a child. And a boy in ds's class was knocked off his bike and killed. I still let mine ride and cycle. It's hard, but you have to do it.