Making Adoption board "opt in"

I think the adoption board does consider 'normal' developmental stages too and I have had advice on threads which have considered reasons for behaviours which include trauma, but also 'normal' toddler behaviour. The thing is, there are many places we can get advice about 'normal' behaviour, but very few where we can discuss and consider the possibility of behaviour being a result of trauma. And even if the behaviour is a 'normal' developmental stage, the way in which it can be dealt with is often very different for adopted children (see above comments on controlled crying and time out etc). Please make it opt in.

Agree regarding the adoption board being opt in. I'm a foster carer and have under various names posted on the fostering board over the years. It's not helpful when you are in the midst of a difficult situational a foster carer to have someone with no experience of looked after children to give their input. Bringing up an adopted or fostered child is not the same as looking after birth children.

straight after his birth

I have just read the Letterbox thread like this and then towards the end laughed somuch I woke my 13 month old. My ds who I gave birth to. For 6 weeks straight after his when I was in a state of shock I got the most amazing support on my thread. People who took their time to help me, advise me and talk to me on the phone and text me.
I would definitely opt in to Adoptions, not because I have anything to add and will probably never post in there again but because I am nosey interested and want to learn and also because I see it as my personal 'Sliding Doors'
I could have been the birth mum asking for help. I very nearly was. But thanks to the very kind and selfless posters (most of them regulars on Adoption board) my life took a different path.
to all who had a hand in helping me and I will contine to lurk on yur threads if that is ok.

My issue is this.

In the time I have been a member of Mumsnet, I have enjoyed reading the adoption board, as the ladies there were lovely and threads respectful. I didn't engage, for the most part (the odd 'congratulations' :)) but it was always a pleasure to read.

As a consequence, I have learned a huge amount about the adoption process, about the trials and challenges and about the sort of issues children who are adopted may present.

However, I will doubtless get flamed for this but here goes - adopted children may (or may not) have issues - there is at least one adopter on here who's DC does not have any issues at all and is happy and well-adjusted - but they are all still children. There has been a real shift away from 'this could be a normal developmental stage but it could also be stemming from adoption; bear both in mind' to 'it is DEFINITELY because this child was adopted and woe betide any birth parent who states otherwise.'

I feel the adoption board is becoming very 'othered' and I think that's a shame. I think minds need to be opened on both sides of the 'debate' as it were.

I think at the moment adoptive families are almost becoming a species apart on here and I really feel that's a shame.

Agree with OP - adoption board needs to be opt -in.

I also enjoy dipping into the adoption threads. dh and I thought about adoption (or maybe fostering) a while ago and dd has a couple of friends who have been adopted within their wider families (becasue of alcohol and drug addiction) and they always give me food for thought and much admiration and sympathy for the adoptive parents, adopted adults and those that for one reason or another have had to relinquish their children.

It's really painful to watch the threads which go wrong, some people have been really aggressive there in a way that's really quite hard to understand. I think that having that little bit less visibility might be a good thing (especially as otherwise adoption is often top of the list of active convos/last 15mins etc).

Great idea
I've given up posting because threads often end up in a battle between adopters and non adopters

That letterbox thread is horrible but I'm going to stick my neck out and say I think there's a lot of unpleasantness on both sides.

Sorry about the ignoramus thing if it was me
I was using it in a sort of affectionate way because I am one too

I think to be described as ignoramus because I have no personal experience is harsh. well take that up with the one poster who said it - don't tar the majority with the brush of the few.

i'm being generous, perhaps posters do realise that they are in an adoption thread and decide to plough on in with their views on how we're doing it wrong anyway.

You will still be able to read the board - it just won;t be exposed to the 800,000 visitors Mumsnet get a week only those who either opt in or who look for us via the topic.

Okay. Thankyou for the explanation. Ive always lurked by going there via the talk menu. I don't tend to use active conversations on MN.

I like to lurk and read threads on the adoption board regularly. Not because I have any experience of adoption but because it adds a valuable different perspective to my own parenting role. I also find some of the threads very thought provoking and inspiring.

I think to be described as ignoramus because I have no personal experience is harsh.

I, and many others, are more than capable of noting the board on which a thread is posted when it shows up in Active. Don't tar the majority with the brush of a few.

I would have far less understanding (and so be much more of an "ignoramus") without being able to read and learn from the board.

So you can always look at adoption threads by going to "TOPICS" and chosing adoption (thats how I review them)

But unless you opt-n they won't appear on everyones active convo's. This is how special needs works

Sorry the first bit of that was to Three second bit to BEcca

Does that make sense?

Becca If you go onto "Talk- customise" (first option at top of screen under "MUMSNET TALK") then you can follow a link through to which threads you want to hide and change the default on SN to opt in to seeing them on active convo's.

It doesn;t mean that you can;t go looking for SN threads through talk topics just that they don;t appear in Active unless you've opted for that.

I lurk, a lot, on those boards. I don't actually understand the concept of opt in. Can someone please explain? (Sorry if it's a really obvious question!!)

I find the adoption boards a fascinating insight into a world of people I admire hugely, and would certainly opt in to carry on reading and learning, and I respect the views of those who post in there. But I'm confused by the reference to the SN boards being opt in. I had no idea this was the case. I see them in my active conversations - does this mean I've actively asked to do so? I had no idea.

Yes please.

Lurk all you like Hearts and opt-in if it ever becomes an opt in.

I think what we'd like to stop is people treating the the adoption section like an interesting game which has no real life implications. There are plenty of section where you can speak on any subject just to hear your own voice if you like or on more serious matters if you prefer. I don;t like the hijacking of threads where the OP's issue becomes secondary to the need for someone to point out the error of our ways.

Yes please

I completely agree, yes they should be opt in.

(NB I lurk on the adoption boards / threads for slightly selfish unresolved issues of my own - I guess I am a second-generation "adoptee" my DDad having been adopted by my grandparents at 3 days old. We know nothing about his birth parents apart from a name we think might have been his birth mother. I have been having some trouble with this in the past few years but we never talk about it and I have learned a lot thanks to the lovely people on the adoption threads. I have seen the trolls and the well-meaning ignoramuses and wholly support the opt-in idea. Even if I am not really qualified to have a vote IYSWIM).