This Is My Child - the new MNHQ campaign. Everyone come look please!

I have had people speak very loudly next to me in the school playground saying things like 'well perhaps if she didn't work her son wouldn't be trying to gain so much attention' or 'all he needs is a little bit of discipline and good smacked bottom, he wouldn't be allowed to behave like that in my house'. The times I walked across the playground in tears biting my tongue, the times we saw invites being handed out to the whole class but my son. I felt like standing on the roof and shouting 'Listen you ignorant sods, he has autism and ADHD, we do the very best we can, try and show some understanding, he has feelings like us, and perhaps try living with him for a week to understand that he is actually a very loving, sensitive little boy albeit one who can be handful'. But of course I didn't. A move to a new school and a new start, medication and a lot more understanding from those around him have seen a lovely Little Man emerge who 80% of the time functions very well and very normally, yes he is a loner, yes he still does odd things but he is more accepted and helped now, we still do worry about the future, who knows what that holds but we will get through it together as a family. I wouldn't change him, the ADHD and autism make him the awesome boy he is x

this is a brilliant campaign and "long overdue"! I am the 61 year old mother of a 40 year old daughter with special needs who was eventually diagnosed with schizo affective disorder in her 30s. She was a slow learner and I thought for years she might be dyslexic. She was statemented when she was 10 after enduring what I can only describe as abysmal "help" from the local Council. I was/am a single parent had no help from anyone with her education or managing her at home - my family and anyone else we came into contact with thought she just needed a good slap I think .. she now lives in the North West in a care home and despite now living in London (long story) I see her nearly every other weekend thanks to Virgin trains. My life is still 100% bound up with her needs/happiness and whilst I have found the people who have looked after her over the years unremittingly kind, I worry every day of my life what will happen to her when I'm not around to make sure she's ok. when not overtaken with anxiety, she is also a very funny lovely person but unfortunately a bit loud in public, particularly if she's anxious in a crowd or a restaurant. I feel guilty every day as I feel as if I've abandoned her but tbh if I hadn't gone to make my own life, and instead stayed in the North West and tried to look after her myself, neither of us would be here now. I will follow this campaign with interest as the assistance people like my daughter need doesn't stop once they leave school.

Sunny, she really is inspirational. She was runner up a few years ago for a local child of courage newspaper competition. We didn't enter her. Our local hospital did!!

Muchado..I would just say that was the teenager expressing his feelings.

Thank you MNHQ and all the brave parents who stepped up to say what I couldn't, care don't stare x

Sunny - the fact of the matter is that when you have a child with a facial disfigurement or craniofacial issues, there comes a point quite quickly when you cease to see it yourself and just see the beauty in their eyes, or their smile, the softness of their skin, the curl in their hair. It's hard dealing with the stares and there have been occasions when I have said "Don't stare" to people because it infuriated me. My DD has so much spirit, that once you realise that you stop noticing her lack of ears, her scars, her hearing aid attached to her head and you see a courageous, funny, bright, and pretty girl with huge eyes who so much gumption that you marvel at what else she will achieve in her life. This is my child, and I love and admire her for her uniqueness, strength and compassion for others. You would too.

I am very pleased to hear about this. My son (16.5 months or 14 corrected) was born at 29 weeks and, as a result of contracting meningitis on day 3, has cerebral palsy, infantile spasms (a 'catastrophic' form of epilepsy), global developmental delay and is the happiest and loveliest boy you could ever meet. I started a blog about him and our family (including his lovely nearly 6 year old sister) a few months ago partly to work through some of these challenges and also to raise awareness. I wrote a post about people staring last week which lots of other parents of SEN children seem to relate to. The judgement is quite hard to deal with sometimes.

Hi. I just want to add that yes MNSN has a lot of threads about ASD. But there are so many other threads on their including some long running ones on other disabilities.

I have a child with another disability, but still find the ASD ones so useful. For example I took DS to a clinic last week where there was a teenager who was clearly very disabled, in a wheelchair and non-verbal. He had 3 adults with him (2 ambulance and I assume a parent) He made a lot of noises and I still have no idea how to answer DS when he says what's that noise? My heart went out to them and apart from just saying it was another person in as matter a fact a way as possible, I had no idea what to say in response.

Fantastic campaign, love today's guest blog. It's opened my eyes to the way some families are treated.

When total strangers say to you (sometimes in front of her) 'What's wrong with her?' That is intrusive, clumsy and rude. She does not actively want to draw attention to her looks. She was born that way. So when I reply 'Nothing is wrong with her' that is because she is the most courageous person I know and I couldn't be more proud of being her mother.

Hi Amber - I'm certain the children are cute :) I just think some people can be a bit patronising.

Thank you for mentioning selective mutism. My dd has this and as it's so rare people really don't know how to react around her. Reactions can range from anger (she's very rude isn't she?), fear (no, she really can't play with my child because.....well refer to the previous reason), to being patronised and babied. Education really is the key.

The picture I sent in isn't there, either, Star.

Yes, the MNSN board is dominated by autism but I guess that just reflects the predominance of autism in the population as a whole. Not a lot we can do about that, but I think we do try to be as inclusive as possible. Lots of threads about education, DLA etc are just as relevant to other disabilities. Threads celebrating little successes are always well supported.

you might not like this, but I think you need to get rid of the word 'special' - children with disabilities and teens are not treated as special people when they arrive in the adult world - they are treated as scroungers, are friendless, and excluded from most things. My daughter who is nearly 21 has been patted on the head, has been told she is beautiful and touched by strangers in shops and I've been told to offer up her 'suffering' to a higher power, it's all a load of bull - its a tough world out there. Then there are the children who stare and their parents pull them away in case they 'catch it'. We need to concentrate on teaching 'ordinary' children, and 'parents' AND health care 'professionals' that disabled children/teens are equal to everyone else.

How do you get to see the other pictures in the gallery.

The first one is absolutely gorgeous but I'd like to look at the others and the buttons don't seem to work.

Also, the pic I sent in doesn't appear to be there. Not sure why but assume there must be a reason!?

This is an excellent campaign, I especially like the "What you can do to help," section. Photos also good, agree the comment made by one parent - Would you know unless I told you? for many of the pictures.

Well done MN and all the contributors.

There is a huge onus on the MNSN board about Autism, and whilst I have two DS with ASD it is worth bearing in mind that there are fellow Mumsnetters dealing with other disabilities that are just as important and valid to their families.

Sallybear is absolutely right. I have two children with ASD, but there are many here with other disabilities.

And yes, ignore KTH. She's being deliberately outrageous to get a following - all publicity is good publicity and all that!

Hi,
A couple of friends linked this article and campaign on their FB pages so I had to take a look. You see, I am no a mother but I AM THIS CHILD.
Though now 45+ years old I am not longer a child per se but I certainly remember being that child. And that child is now this adult.
I am not part of any formal organization but I do have my own website: www.justcallmegeri.com and a FB page of the same name: Just Call Me Geri.
I would be most pleased to offer any support, advice, encouragement, "Dos and/or Don'ts" or whatever may be useful for this awareness campaign. I enjoy going around to schools and talking with students because as far as we have come I love seeing the "light bulb" going on in the children's eyes as they start to "get it." I talk about my life experiences which include being given up as a baby b/c my biological parents did not want "this child" to be their child. In the late 1960s society was indeed undergoing changes as to what might be acceptable and I was given a chance to live out in society as opposed to being institutionalized. I was enrolled in public school in 1972 before it was legally mandated that special needs students be accepted. I was mainstreamed before mainstreaming became a term associated with educational practices.
I welcome anyone to contact me if there is interest.
In the meantime, all good wishes for a successful campaign. I have already shared this article and site on my FB page.
Best, Geri

DS is off to university in a few weeks. He has AS. The uni will be putting in support, we've had meetings and it's all arranged, but most importantly, off he goes to do Literature (not maths!) and live a life. I'm scared silly, but equally, he's made it and I'm so proud. One down, two to go. Yep, I have three children with Asperger Syndrome!