What did you learn from giving birth? - Your help needed

yes coddy,midwife from hell

That however articulate and assertive you normally are, you may find yourself totally incapable of clear communication - that's when you need your birth-partner to be your advocate.

Yet, at the same time, giving birth to my children has given me such a feeling of personal strenght and capability.

However flabby and unfit your body was before pregnancy, after giving birth you realise that your pre-pregnancy body was supermodel-class!

That even one of the biggest, most high profile trusts in the country, where govt. ministers go for the photo opportunities, gets away with one midwife to seven women ? appallingly dangerous. This was on the 'midwife led' unit!!! (more like birth partner led) but at same time in hospital birth centre so the midwife couldn't even transfer me. Thank God everything was OK, apart from major tear as she wasn't around to stop me pushing too soon. Community midwife later told me 'Tommy's has been really lucky there haven't been any disasters'. Oh, and that their chief exec thinks is OK to profit from women in labour by charging something like £2.80/hour car parking, costing us £48 by the time my husband was able to take the car home. God knows what women who are poor do, catch the bus?

I don't think I really knew the meaning of fear, the agony of intense pain and the feeling of heart-hurting over-whelming love until I gave birth.

why mummy - no not really?

aaawww, thanks, aloha

That a little purple screaming starfish baby could be the most beautiful thing in the world

I have learnt that

For me personally Diamorphine is not good for me neither is an epidural, both make me sleep and throw up.

That getting onto the bed was a bad thing to do as I never got off it again.

That some midwives can be really really rude, obnoxious and unhelpful to a first time mother who has no idea what she's doing and would appreciate a bit of help and advice instead of being left to wonder what she's supposed to be doing with this tiny being that is now hers to take care of and others can be just so lovely that you want to take them home with you.

That it was not the breeze that my mother told me it would be.

You do to a certain extent forget the pain, although I think it's always at the back of your mind it does lessen with time.

That I must be mad to be doing it all again, lol

Bossykate, I really feel for you. I do. I am horrified by what you endured. I too wish all midwives were like Mears.
You deserve better and I bloody well hope you get it.

That next time I will be really assertive and not let them take my baby away from me for a moment let alone 2.5 days.

That I can last through 20 hours of labour with no painkillers at all.

That my dh could cope with all the goo and gunk without vomitting or leaving the room.

That an epistiotomy (sp?) is not the worst thing in the world.

That writing my birth plan was a waste of time.

That although dh was with me for the last 2 thirds of the experience, he still had no idea, and went on to tell people how easy it was.

That I would want to do it all again.

That I would feel cheated by only being pregnant for 8mths instead of 9.

That people who told me it would all the worth it weren't lying.

......that however crap the pregnancy and labour it really is worth it.

..........and that dh and I produce really hairy (but gorgeous!) babies.

.......that there's nothing quite like that first cup of tea and piece of toast after all that pushing.

.......that the word blancmange took on a whole new meaning after I looked at my stomach post delivery!

That having your baby wrapped up tight, and being put in your arms by a midwife who tucks you in to bed, is a blissful experience, even if you still have a drip in your hand, and a catheter up your bits!

God, I thought all the midwives I encountered were fantastic, I feel quite emotional about how lovely they were to me, despite being rushed off their feet. I wanted to hug them all when I left.

Giving birth gave me a completely new insight into how fabulous my mum is, felt there was a new understanding there.

Also felt I'd crossed some threshold and joined this club that is impossible to imagine if you've never had a child. BUT that you can never say that to anyone who is childless.

Oh yes, and that it is possible to sleep through the majority of your labour (or was I just lucky and very very drugged?)

aloha, everything you said about midwives was true in my experience, from booking in appointment through miserable labour experience. next time i plan to get independent midwives - my only reservation is that my trust in the whole lot of them is so destroyed that it won't be worth it.

i want mears to be my midwife - why aren't there more like her around?

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That if you have worked for the NHS and defended the service it provides for years you can change your mind very quickly when you're on the receiving end of its "care"...

that a midwife shouting "SHUT UP"in your face while you're in labour with your first baby 7 weeks early and left in a dark room,can do a lot of psycological damage

The skill of sticking supposetries up ones bottom (sorry don't know how to spell it)

That, both times, the midwives did read and follow my birth plan Just to prove that it does happen!

yes my feet were filthy after ds3

What I've learned from other people giving birth. That hospitals need proper cleaners who actually work for and are employed by the hospital - not contract cleaners who cannot be bothered and leave wards disgustingly filthy.
That midwives are often - with honorable exceptions of course - breathtaking rude to women (if anyone called me a silly woman they might not like what they heard back), ignorant of best practise and high-handed and even downright deceitful in the way they refuse epidurals. The more I read the more utterly horrified I am. Is anyone else as shocked as I am by all this?

oh I thought of another one!!

Everyone should have a doula

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That you honestly cannot imagine why anyone wouldn't have a caesarian!
That your baby may not like his little plastic cot but want to be right next to you.