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Original poster

suspension halfway through exams?

55 replies

mortifiedmother · 01/06/2010 09:53

Am absolutely livid and mortified amongst other things and have namechanged out of shame (I'm a regular and not a troll or DM reporter!) DC is at boarding school which is not local to where I live. Half term at moment and guardian picked up and had for a few days. I get a call yesterday from guardian saying there had been an incident and DC was suspended. This happened last week and DC was informed after the exam on Thursday and guardian informed when collected DC on Friday. I only found out last night as no one at school contacted me. From what I've been told (from guardian) it was a silly incident, (high jinx they tend to call it I understand) that was of poor taste. No one was hurt, nothing was damaged, stolen etc, it was just a joke in poor taste and both pupils involved accepted it was poor taste and apologized. Apparently Headmaster wanted to think about it over weekend and has seemingly decided to make an example of DC and suspend until sepember! At one point he was talking of DC being expelled! I feel this is more than a little over the top bearing in mind A) it was a joke and was in no way malicious B) DC is halfway through AS levels C) I do not live locally and this is why DC full boards. As it stands, I have no where for DC to stay when not at school and guardian cannot take on responsibility as only arranged for school hols. Am I justified in feeling really hacked off with the school for going over the top and not even having the decency or common courtey to let me know about this?

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mumoverseas · 05/06/2010 17:33

Thanks Cammelia. I'm sure your DD will be fine at her boarding school. I think they do take it a lot more seriously at the moment, possibly because of a lot of publicity recently regarding cyber bullying so that is why I think DS got jumped on. Very silly really as the other boy involved and DS are really good friends and sit next to each other (by choice) in several lessons and do out of school activities together. All blown out of proportion.

On the flip side, DD aged 14 (in 6 days as she keeps reminding me) is at a different boarding school - divide and conquer and the girls there seem to get away with murder. In the past 8 months she has had clothes, make up, tuck, her ipod and her new UGG boots pinched and the school don't even seem interested. Once extreme to the other.

Hope all goes well for your DD in September. Is she looking forward to 'big' school?

Cammelia · 05/06/2010 15:42

Excellent result mumoverseas.
As well as virtual hand-holding I was hanging on your every word as dd is about to embark on her senior school career - boarding - in September.
She has been boarding at her prep and I am not out of the country but I still feel it all steps up a lot in terms of behavioural expectations when they go to senior school.

mumoverseas · 05/06/2010 04:59

LilRed thanks for that. I'm on countdown to returning to the UK now (subject to bloody BA) and thank god it won't be a 'dry' flight. Will be counting the seconds til we are out of KSA airspace and they can bring it on Am annoyed with myself letting the stress get to me. Did really well on my diet the past few months and seem to have put on 6lb of cinnabon buns in the last few days
DS will pay for this when I get back to the UK. He will be on babysitting duty for some considerable time so I can have lots of MN meet ups and trips to Bluewater

LilRedWG · 04/06/2010 20:33

Good stuff MOS. You know, I'd be there like a shot if it wasn't a dry country don't you. ;)

sunnydelight · 04/06/2010 08:56

Sorry, my MN is obviously not updating in realtime at the moment. When I posted I thought it was straight after complex's. Glad it all worked out.

mumoverseas · 04/06/2010 08:18

well, it was a struggle but I just fitted back into my 'normal' name. It is a little tight which is no doubt due to all the cinnabon buns I've been stuffing to help with the stress

sunnydelight, its ok, complex apologised and I accepted her apology. In hindsight, having read a lot of posts about trolling recently I can understand why some posters may have been suspicious of me. I only name changed as I was embarrassed as I'm normally singing my DSs praises (another ) and also, some people on here know me in real life and also know what school DS attends and I wanted therefore to keep it confidential (as much as possible) before it was resolved.

It is however very sad that people are now becoming scared to interact with other races/religions for fear of being accused of beign racist. Very very sad.

I am very pleased and more than a little relieved that common sense at the school has prevailed and we have resolved matters. I do have to wonder however what would have happened if I hadn't have entered into communications with the school? Perhaps DS would have actually missed his study/revision sessions, commencement of the A2 lessons and more importantly, assistance with his PS. He is adamant that he is going to study law at Oxbridge, become a QC and keep me in retirement so I don't have to live off cat food. (as you can see, he does have a dry sense of humour)

Anyway, was pleased to receive an email from the HM yesterday setting out the 'amended punishment' and in it he confirmed that the school had been wrong not to have informed me immediately, which was one of my key arguments.

Once again, thanks to everyone who took the time to comment and hold my hand.

sunnydelight · 04/06/2010 06:50

Give her a break complex - she outlined above what her son did and made it clear that there weren't racist overtones. Perhaps we should all tell our kids to avoid anyone who "isn't like them" to avoid such accusations, but of course we don't because that WOULD be racist.

Hope it all gets sorted mortifiedmother.

Original poster
mortifiedmother · 03/06/2010 20:28

Hello all, have just returned from a retail therapy trip to calm my nerves. I'd been admiring a rather beautiful handbag which I kept saying I couldn't afford but suddenly realised it really is only the equivalent of a day or twos fees at DS's school so sod it as I couldn't have my wine. Please all feel free to raise a glass tonight

complex thank you for your apology but honestly, there is no need. I was also snipy to you and even though it was because I was upset, it was uncalled for. You are right, I have been very worried and felt completely helpless.

LilRed don't risk it, you get thrown in jail here for that.

amicissia thank you for your very thoughtful post. Of course I couldn't give too many details but you were right, it was just poor judgment on the part of my DS. I think it was hard for him when he went to the school as he had been in the ME for 3 years and then started at his UK boarding school in the L6 last September. I believe it is harder for boys than girls to fit in and by then, most of the children were in their little groups so it was hard for him at first to settle in.

We all know he has done wrong but I've kept reminding myself he didn't to anything malicious, or dishonest, and was not involved in bullying which I will not tolerate. Hopefully, he has learnt his lesson.

Thanks again everyone, you have kept me sane over the past few days.

I am now reverting to the real me.

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complexnumber · 03/06/2010 18:05

mortifiedmother.
I'm really sorry for upsetting you. You came on here for help and advice, not judgmental sniping.

You are obviously a mother who is very worried and scared about what is happening to her son. And quite possibly feeling more than a little powerless given the distances.

I apologise unreservedly, I turned into to the sort of poster I despise.

LilRedWG · 03/06/2010 16:42

Well done MM. How about I come see you and smuggle a hip flask out?

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 03/06/2010 15:19

Would it help if I had a glass of wine for you, MM? I'll gladly force myself, if it would help.....

amicissima · 03/06/2010 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mortifiedmother · 03/06/2010 13:51

Now I just need a nice glass of wine. Oh sod it, I'm in a 'dry' country

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webwiz · 03/06/2010 11:53

Well done for sorting it out from 3000 miles away! Now your DS can take his punishment and move on (that is until you get your hands on him in the summer holidays)

boardingmum · 03/06/2010 11:40

Result! Well done.

DC was talking about our high jinks last night: let slip that knew who one of the culprits was for one of the lesser pranks. I was rubbing my hands in glee at the thought of winding up the parent (whom I know fairly well) until I had a horrible realisation. I don't know if the parent knows and if I blab then parent may feel honour-bound to tell school ... Prankster is another model student hoping for Oxbridge.

Our school also allow a small amount of drink on social occaisions in sixthform, to teach them how to drink responsibly.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 03/06/2010 11:34

I've been following this, and I'm glad that it has been sorted out for your ds. I hope he can deal with the stress of what's happened, and do his best in his exams.

Original poster
mortifiedmother · 03/06/2010 11:13

Thanks again for all your lovely comments ladies

runningoutofideas drinking at boarding school (joke!) I have to say, I was quite shocked when I found out that once a week the L6 boarders have pizza and beer! I guess it is sensible to introduce it gradually but even so, was a bit of a shock. Good news about your reference, maybe I'll get him to stuff up again in September

boardingmum you sound so very sensible and have calmed me. Both DS and I know it will be hard to get where he wants to go, not just the particular uni but the course. He had however made his mind up over 3 years ago that was what he was going to do and has done several weeks work experience in this area and has more lined up this summer. He has also attended the particular university 4 day conference on his chosen subject (you may well know what I'm talking about) which was held in March and hopefully with this and the work experience this will demonstrate a real interest in his chosen area which I understand is very important.

His housemaster and tutor have all said he is a model student, academic scholar and a prefect so clearly out of character so fingers crossed, all will be well come September/October.

Have been in frantic communication with the deputy head and somehow (accidentally?) managed to slip into one email that a barrister I used to instruct specialises in Education law, in particular admissions and suspensions and I felt I had no choice but to seek counsels advice from him.

Miraculously, less than 2 hours later, the deputy had spoken to the head and they've backed down. Not totally, I wouldn't expect that and I accept that DS needs to be punished, it was just the severity of the punishment I was objecting to. He will therefore be staying at school for exams and any A2 study lessons and will be on internal suspension during other periods. I am more than happy with that. He knows only too well he has made a mistake, he has let himself (and me) down and has to accept his punishment which is now more appropriate.

Thank you all for all your (positive!) comments and support.

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RunningOutOfIdeas · 03/06/2010 09:49

I got into a bit of trouble (drinking) when I was in the sixth form at boarding school . I was not suspended but internally excluded for 2 weeks. This was about the time that references would have been written. Most, if not all, of the staff thought the head had over-reacted in my case so they wrote really nice references for me. I think they were actually even better than they would have been because the staff felt a bit sorry for me.

So hopefully, if the staff responsible for your DC's UCAS references think he is normally a model pupil, they will not let one silly incident colour their view of him.

LilRedWG · 03/06/2010 09:29

complexnumber - I know mortifiedmother and can absolutely guarantee that this prank will not have been racist at all. The fact that her DS is fluent in Arabic should give you some clue...

Anyway, keep on going MM. The school are overreacting, possibly to appease the other boy's parents, but I think you are handling the best you can so don't beat yourself up (but feel free to beat your H).

boardingmum · 03/06/2010 08:42
violetqueen · 03/06/2010 07:59

mortified ,hope you're in a different time zone .
Get some rest ,you've done all you can and it sounds as though the school will be more reasonable .
Can you text the dep head ?
I know it's a poor substitute for talking but maybe better than nothing ?

Original poster
mortifiedmother · 03/06/2010 04:32

openly swore not opening! You can tell its early and I've not had much sleep

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Original poster
mortifiedmother · 03/06/2010 04:31

complex, you are right, the name calling makes us as bad as them. I was wrong to call you an idiot but your post was very upsetting. I am 3,000 miles away and feel helpless. The school is closed and I have been unable to speak to anyone on the phone. The only contact I have had is with the deputy head via email. Even though he has given me his mobile number I have been unable to get through too him due to an apparently poor signal where he is (on holiday with his family)

ref the guardian, I would again state that he was not the 'normal' type of guardian you would appoint. Due to the fact that DC was in sixth form and they try to encourage an element of independance the school agreed that the guardian would only be to pick up and drop off on odd occasions and that all other communication would be via myself. The deputy head has admitted they have made a mistake. It turns out that the guardian was basiclly pounced on in the car park when collecting and the school now accept how wrong they were. They have not followed their own policies.

I have to again state that the 'prank' was in no way rascist or even potentially so. As mentioned before, I only commented on the religion of the other student as someone asked if it was racist. I will not tolerate racism and if I thought for one moment my DC had been racist I would be on the first flight home and he would wish he'd never been born. He has been the victim of racism and knows how hurtful it is. When he lived in the Middle East he was one of only 3 white DC in his class (in a so called British School) and was constantly taunted wtih 'white boy, white boy'. Funny old thing, the school did nothing.

I maintain he should be punished for his prank but my argument is the severity of the punishment. I fail to see how he should get half a term of suspension for a private joke between two students (out of school time) when a pupil who opening swore and slagged off a teacher on FB got 2 days suspension.

Thanks for your positive comments the rest of you. I hadn't even considered that the A2 work would start immediately after exams and therefore that has to be considered and of course the PS. Bearing in mind that DS is/was in the group that would be submitting theirs by 15th Oct, he cannot afford to lose any valuable assistance with this.

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webwiz · 02/06/2010 21:47

A2 work does start after AS levels but since that is the peak time for university open days it isn't usually as full on as it will be in September. This is also the time when personal statements are worked on. DD2 has some sort of evening next week about UCAS stuff and then they have a day off timetable to make a start on personal statements (I am not happy about the timing as DD2 still has two exams!)I would check about the personal statement as your DC may need some guidance.

Hope your DS is managing to get some revision done.

SleepingLion · 02/06/2010 21:26

On a practical note, at the school I teach at we do start teaching the A2 course as soon as the AS students finish their exams this term. So your DS might miss three weeks of preparation for his A2 courses. I would suggest that you insist that the school provides all the work for each subject that he would have covered in class, as well as any holiday reading/work that he might be set over the summer.