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Original poster

Come and slap me or hug, me what ever you prefer. I'm gutted for no good reason.

42 replies

LynetteScavo · 02/03/2010 20:37

DS1 took the 11+, but failed to get into the boys grammar school by a couple of points.

The school he has been offered is lovely...he wil be as happy there as anywhere else.

But I'm guttted slightly upset because he didn't get into the grammar, and won't be able to wear the lovely uniform, and put on his CV that he went to this school. (Unless he goes there for 6th form, which he could)

DH has acted like he was totally uninterested in where DS went to senior school, and truged around open evenings becuse he had too. But he looked like he was going to cry today when we got the results. He hasn't cried since DS1 was born.

It was only a couple of points. So near, yet so far. I'm upset for DH and I, but not for DS, as he couldn't care less.

I would like a hug, but deserve a slap.

OP posts:
seimum · 02/03/2010 22:45

I had a similar situation when my DD2 failed by one mark to get into the grammar where DD1 was (and where DS subsequently went).
Even though she has done well at her school, and in fact has enjoyed not being overshadowed by her 'clever' siblings, I still remember feeling gutted at the result - and then gutted all over again when the appeal failed.

You just have to remember it's their life, not yours, and they will make of it what they will.

MaureenMLove · 02/03/2010 22:34

Most secondary modern schools do something called 'Fast Track' now, which is really their way of selecting the brightest students and getting them on a programme a lot more like the grammar schools. (Jeez, that was badly written, I wasn't fast tracked at any point in my life, obviously!)

I would imagine, your DS with an almost pass, will benefit from Fast Track and tbh, I think there is an awful lot to be said for a child that is really happy at school. DD didn't get a selective place, is on Fast Track for quite a few of her subjects, loves her school and that has to be part of the reason she is doing so well. She is on track to take just as many GCSE's as her cousin, who is uber bright, and will have just as many doors open to her too.

PixieOnaLeaf · 02/03/2010 22:27

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
LynetteScavo · 02/03/2010 22:21

I think repressive was the word DH was looking for when we looked around. He wasn't feeling well at the time, and could only muster "they seem a bit up their own arses"

Expressive is what DS needs. And Expressive is what he'll get. (They call the teachers by their first names where he's going")

It'll be fine, really, it will.

The only person I know who has gone to the school he's going to has done VERY well for him self. DS will be fine.

OP posts:
kalo12 · 02/03/2010 22:12

thanks lynette, if its any consolation i looked at the grammar school website there and couldn't believe how repressive it seemed (i am a teacher). i think grammar schools often are and i'm sure your ds will be much happier in the other school

Original poster
LynetteScavo · 02/03/2010 22:04

I'm nowhere near Stratford. The schools are supposed to be OK where I am...it's just the whole 11+ thing that causes so much stress.

OP posts:
kalo12 · 02/03/2010 22:01

oh god is schooling bad there?
do you know what it is like in stratford upon avon? are the primaries over subscribed cos someone told me there was a shortage of schools there

Original poster
LynetteScavo · 02/03/2010 21:57

Thanks,releasethehounds. Glad it's not just me.

Kalo 12. Stay away form Warwickshire!

OP posts:
releasethehounds · 02/03/2010 21:51

Lynette - I'm in almost exactly the same position as you. DD was expected by her school teachers to get into local selective grammar (has always been top in her primary school and they told me she would 'fly in') and has not got in! I'm devastated, as is DH, but she's quite happy to be offered the local good comprehensive school.

We've all been out for a celebratory meal tonight, as promised regardless of which school DD was allocated, but I feel I'm just putting a smile on my face so I don't upset DD. I have told her how proud I am of her for taking the test for the grammar and that I know she will do just as well at the school she will be going to. That said, I have spent most of the last 2 days in tears in private - I never expected it would hit me so hard.

So I can fully understand where you're coming from. I don't yet know which of DD's friends have made it into the grammar school but none of those who entered are above her ability-wise at school and a few are def below her, so I'll be seething if they get in!

Sending you hugs - I know how low you're feeling, but I suppose they really will do well whichever school they end up in.

kalo12 · 02/03/2010 21:36

sounds stressful. i am trying to move to warwickshire near my parents and i think they have the same system there. i am stressed enough finding a primary, hadn't even considered the secondary factor.

hope it all turns out ok. i don't thinkyou're mental

Original poster
LynetteScavo · 02/03/2010 21:36

I have just found out another boy from his class, who's mum I am friends with, and is no where near as bright as DS has got a place at the grammar school. I'm now really and a bit

OP posts:
Original poster
LynetteScavo · 02/03/2010 21:26

Thanks for the hugs.

The local secondary is large and dull, with a poor reputation, or we could have sent him to the local CofE secondary modern, which is nice, but he wouldn't have been challenged,(DS2 may well go there) so we are sending him to a Catholic comp in the next town.

I've just burst into tears and told DH I really wanted DS to wear a blue uniform, and to be able to tell every one he'd passed

DH has said "He's not a show thing to show off to every body" and "You are being too mental for my liking" He has a point.

DS is on the waiting list, but 8 other people got the same score as him, and heavens only knows how many others got the score above that..it could be 1 or 100. And he wouldn't have been happy there, anyone who has read my previous threads about his school problems will know what I mean.

OP posts:
senua · 02/03/2010 21:24

Your DS will be able to do that holier-than-thou, smug thing along the lines of 'look at my results: going to the local comp did me no harm.'

My DS was originally upset at not getting into the Grammar but is now v. pleased because his school trounces them at Rugby. Sometimes these things are meant to be.

Garyconyers · 02/03/2010 21:17

Awwwww, why would you deserve a slap for wanting the best for DS?

He'll be really happy in new school, but I know what you mean.
{hugs}

SKYTVADDICT · 02/03/2010 20:51

Big hug for you.

I know round here (Lincolnshire Kalo12) if you are within a couple of marks and have the Primary Heads backing you can appeal.

Something you might consider?

kalo12 · 02/03/2010 20:47

11+? where do they have that? does it make the local secondary school second class?

TabithaSmith · 02/03/2010 20:41

Ah, here, have a hug.

The whole process of applying to secondary school is so stressful. I'm not surprised you and your DH feel like collapsing in tears.

Just keep reminding yourself of what you know to be true:

Your DS is happy

If he is happy, you will be happy (eventually)

He is going to a lovely school

He is obviously very bright and is going to do extremely well and be very happy in his lovely new school.

Allow yourself tonight to wallow, but start tomorrow afresh.