Come and slap me or hug, me what ever you prefer. I'm gutted for no good reason.

I think you deserve a hug and then I'm afraid after that I'd have to slap you.(sad) I'm sorry! Get over yourself! You failed the 11+ - and what has that got to do with the price of fish?? I'm sure DS is a star and all that but he didn't perform on the day and thats what counts. There has to be some form of selection, right?
He will do very well in the school that he has gotten into and you should be happy with that and forget about impressing your friends/neighbours/family. Enjoy him for who he is and stop comparing him to your friends children/yourself (confused)
In 10 years time you will see how it all turns out, encourage him, love him and have fun and he will be a success.

Yes, they are bollocks.
I have used that word a lot this week regarding secondary schools and the whole horrible experience!!!

dd was predicted level 5 on science- came out a 3 in sats. Just went to pieces (it was the first exam)

Thanks busymummy3. This is what I fear - that DD1 may be so anxious re exam conditions that, no matter how bright she is at school day to day, she might always mess up. She's also predicted to breeze through the Y6 SATS, but I'm feeling very nervous about that now!

I feel for parents such as release the hounds when their DC has been top of class and predicted by their primary school to fly through tests etc for selective schools then somehow dont perform on the day. is no allowance made for this seems a bit young at age 11 to have to learn to deal with failure in exams. still guess that is what the SAT system is criticised for as well. some kids are just good at sitting tests it doesnt mean that they are very bright and unfortunately release the hounds may have to seethe but if the system says a score on a paper measures how bright your child is regardless of your or teachers opinion as to how bright your child, it is the score unfortunately that counts. glad we dont have grammars where we are its either state comp or private. at least with sats if a bright kid doesnt perform on the day after a couple of weeks in secondary school they soon sort it out using their own tests assessments etc and kids are more at ease knowing that its not the be all and end all if they dont do well so are more likely to succeed

bigtillymint - have you ever been to the tortoise sanctuary in cornwall?

Chin up, Lynette. My friend's very very bright son went to one of the top state grammars and ended up dropping out of uni (twice) and now works in a bar. He's perfectly happy, just not motivated in that way. Grammar school is not necessarily right for all the kids that are bright enough to go there.

and of course if you're really sad about him not wearing a blue uniform you could always make him wear it anyway (of course I do realise that it might take some persuading him but it will a good project to take your mind of things).

"140 places for over 1400 entrants???"

This is part of the problem. If you were interviewing only three people for a job then you would do your utmost to do a thorough application process to make sure you got the right person. When you get to the stage where you have ten applicants for every Grammar school place then you know that the top 40ish super-geniuses will get in and the next 100 places could be filled by anyone one of the kids from No41 to No341 - they are all pretty much the same. It makes no odds to the Grammar school, so they have no vested interest in ironing out any glitches in the entrance exam.

BigTillyMint- you've got my ds to a tee- bright, not competitive- totally disinterested in the whole 11 PLUS.I feel your pain op, and hope there is a new bottle of wine sitting in the fridge for you.
Tis a horrible system, and I really felt for childen today who said they didn't get into grammars when their classmates had. 140 places for over 1400 entrants???

Your son will be in top sets, prefect material (no doubt!) and selected for showing parents round at open days. Teachers love top sets (compared to some other classes) and he'll be more easily known by staff than the middling ability kids (my experience). His confidence will be boosted! Bottom of grammar is hard place to be.

Dont know if this helps, Ds is in local comp, one cousin is at Tiffins, the other at King Edwards Grammer, all are in y12. They all got equally good GCSE results (in fact my DS did more GCSEs), but only mine is on the Oxbridge programme and is taking more AS exams.

?The Grammar tests are not infallible?

I so second this! They are a particular type of test to which not all children are suited ? DC1 cruised through 11+ whereas DC2 (who we and DC1 consider to be brighter) scored about 20 points less.

But DC2 has settled in really well, loves the school and as they set in English, maths and sciences from day, has been pushed every bit as hard as DC1 during Y7.

You definitely deserve a hug and not a slap.

I know how you feel; my DD didn't get in to a super-selective grammar two years ago - we thought she would and so did everyone else. She was a few marks short of the required score, but not even enough to get on the reserve list. I think we were guilty of underestimating the competition, which was, and still is, ridiculous.

She is now at a lovely Comp with loads of nice friends, is in top sets, G&T, letters sent home about her work, glowing reports, etc. Not only that, but the uniform at the girls' grammar is really scruffy in comparison to my DCs' school .

Where we live, years of intensive coaching has become the norm in gaining a place at the grammar schools. A few very clever untutored children manage it, but not many.

Lynettescavo, I wouldn't mind betting that your DS's classmate had many years of preparation? Some people would argue that it doesn't make a difference, but IMO it does!

You should definitely be proud of your DS, and keep telling him that.

It sounds like the school he's been allocated will be fab if it has such a creative bunch of alumni.

Maybe the 11+ tests just weren't your DS's thing - I know of a few boys who are bright but didn't get into selective schools because they aren't that competitive and didn't whizz through the test like their lives depended on it.

And you are quite right about children in lower ability groups not having their true ability recognised. They are often boys who are not enthused by the Primary Curriculum / style of teaching / having to write loads, etc, but who perform very well on the non-verbal and verbal reasoning tests which are more like little puzzles to solve.

Er, no, SunnyD. My DS who I know (not PERCEIVE) to be bright didn't get into Grammar. At the end of Y5 he won the Prize for being cleverest-cloggs in an academic school. Less than six months later he didn't get in to Grammar but the majority of his peers did. He went on to get a scholarship elsewhere. The Grammar tests are not infallible - ask Milliways.
I queried the result and was told that he went down in his best subject. I still haven't squared that circle to this day (he is on the G&T list at his current school for the subject).

As anyone who has been through the Oxbridge process will tell you, it can sometimes be a bit of a lottery as to who gets in.

Anyone in this situation diserves a hug and I have huge sympathy - it's natural to be disappointed - but the comments about kids who YOU PERCEIVE to be less bright/of lower ability than yours getting places really leave a sour taste!

Many "ordinary" schools suit pupils who narrowly fail the 11+ far better than pushing then to just scrape into the grammar school under appeal. So maybe this could be the best possible thing for your children in the long run. Quiet frankly no company or organisation could be bothered by which school they went to, they are only bothered what qualfications they got.