Been crying half the night...DD not passed 11+

DD didn't do 11+ per se, but did equivalent entrance exam to local fab grammar. Had letter yesterday that she hasn't got in but tbh I'm glad, as so many of the kids there are having some form of counselling for stress.

Our local authority don't tell us where we've been allocated a place until March, but I imagine she'll be going to our local shitty comp.

I think that so much is up to the child. When we first moved here I only ever heard how dreadful our comp was etc but in the last couple of years I've seen kids do really well there, excellent A level results, superb art skills and so on. Kids getting into good art/music colleges and universities.

It really is what you make it.

We don't have the 11+ here, so choice is local school or pay for independent. I was a bit annoyed last year at the lack of options due to us not being able to afford a 'better' school for DS who is very academic.

I felt he would really miss out - BUT.. he's in year 7 at the local comp and has been given so many opportunities because he is willing to learn - crap schools want to get better and he and other able students are probably getting more encouragement than if they went to Independent/Grammar where they would be lost among similarly bright children. DS loves it, is on G&T and has made lots of friends.

Maybe I'm just trying to see the bright side of school choices (or lack of ) but don't feel that you or DD have failed - she will be absolutely fine

I went to a shit comp and I turned out fine (honest)

I wanted to stay with my friends who hadn't passed their 11 +'s

most of them now have proper careers

this is a tiny tiny blip in the scheme on things

it will work out fine

I got into a gramamr school (an age ago) and my mother was dead set against it! She wanted me to go to the local comp as she is against grammar education, but most of my friends got into the grammar so we all went.
However, there was one close friend of mine who did pass the 11+. She went to local comp and was gutted, as were here parents.

By the time we finished A levels, I did ok but not amazingly, same as others who went to grammar. (Obviously some did AMAZINGLY).
This girl who hadn't passed 11+ did far better than me and most of my friends.

The moral of this longwinded and boring story is that with your support and her hardwork there is no reason why she would do any better/ worse at a non-grammar than at a grammar. The stand in head might be brill. They might get a new head who turns it all around.

It's called "university" these days!

If they want to that is.

there's always finishing school

We didn't have 11+ in my area. It was a pretty crappy local comp and yet people who wanted to did well. One went on to be a Barrister, another a Marine Biologist, another a professor of something or other scientific can't remember what at a high profile american university, social workers, teachers, accountants and more.

What I am trying to say and truly believe is that it is mainly about the back up received at home. Anyone with good and supportive home back up will do well.

Better to look on the bright side, IMO . There is an awful lot more to education than school!

I am probably very stupid but I had no idea the 11+ was still being used. Here it stopped in 1975! Whereabouts is it still operational?

yes thats what we all do when we don't get the school of our choice. Jet them off to California for the summer

If you haven't got enough money for full secondary private school fees, perhaps you nevertheless could find the money to give your DD a really amazing educational experience (or two or three) - a summer at an all girls' US summer camp, perhaps?

Thank you all of you, you are making me feel loads better. Thank you. The only way is up!

So sorry about that cherry. It must be gutting. But as has been said it might be great. DS#1's school had an appalling reputation for years until a new head appeared (and if you have an interim head atm that may well happen soon). Now it's an outstanding school with a lot of very happy children and parents. The results aren't great (though improving) but as the intake is of a low standard generally, and we know the teaching is good, I am confident that DS's results will be fine. He went in with grade 5s and is doing well.

BTW I don't know of a single school that doesn't have bullying. Not one. It's how it is dealt with that matters. And IME it's the 'good' school that don't want to admit to having a bullying problem that fail to sort it out.

It is a really shitty system this 11+ thing.

Thanks for that link Magenta, interesting stuff, and Cornsilk and LeQueen - thankyou, yes I agree it probably wasn't meant to be, and yes it will be lovely for her to fly high (hopefully). Hadn't thought about extra tutoring if needs be in years to come, that is a v helpful suggestion.
Feel a tad better - thankyou all.
Parenting is crap sometimes isn't it?!?

agree with cornsilk, this could be great for her. As for horror stories, I think you could probably find some for every school in the country. I could certainly tell you some about the expensive school I went to.

Totally agree ith seeker 'And NEVER believe horror stories about schools.'

friend has said she won't send her sons to local comp becasue of horror stories-drugs etc
dd is in last yr there and alll the horror stories are either untrue or exaggerated
if your dd is motivated and has family support she will do well there

Amen to that Seeker. There are probably a few horror stories knocking about regarding the grammar school as well but you just haven't heard them.

Two things.

Is there a 12+ option in your area?

And NEVER believe horror stories about schools. If you thought it was OK when you looked round it still is.