Been crying half the night...DD not passed 11+

ampere where we live we are in catchment for local grammars and comps but not for secondary schools. We are out of county for grammars but within catchment. Not sure why we aren't in catchment for the local secondaries. Our own county is comp rather than selective. Ds, along with most of his school friends, will be doing the 11+ assuming he is bright enough.

Can I make a small, pedantic point? How can there be 'comps' in grammar school areas?

Even the OFSTED of a secondary school near(ish) here pointed out in the report that the quite reasonable school was doing itself a disservice by trying to call itself a comp when its top-academic-tier was creamed off by the nearby grammar- he stated that it is therefore a secondary modern.

No one is saying 'I failed my 11+ thus went to the local, crap secondary modern'...

It's not the end of the world NotSoCC. I'm sure your DD will thrive and do well there.

My DS1 failed the 11+ and went to the local boys' state comp (11-16, also with a stand-in Head at the time). The school had poor results, the GCSE A*-C rate dipped to 29% in one year and the school was almost put into special measures. But DS1 was in the top groups for everything, deputy head boy, cricket captain and came out with a boatload of very good GCSE's. He's now in the sixth form at the grammar school - his GCSE's were more than good enough to earn him a place there.

I didn't even bother entering DS2 for the 11+. He's at the same 11-16 state comp that DS1 attended and doing really well.

Glad you are feeling better. My DD "failed" the 11+ and is at Cambridge now having been at local comp. Admittedly, it IS a v.good local comp, but they have a 10 form intake, it is HUGE, but if you are prepeared to work the teachers encourage you all the way.

Sooo interesting to read all your experiences, and today I am feeling bit more positive about it all. As I mentioned, I am all +ve with my DD and my other DCs, and she still seems okay about it all. And I do hope that she will do well, whichever school she goes to, she is hard working and takes pride in her work. I will however look at alternatives, such as possibly joining grammar schools late, or the private grammar - just so we have a fall back. You are right, the school is likely to be changing a great deal when they appoint a new Head. Will just keep fingers crossed. Thanks all!

It is very discouraging for a borderline child to go to grammar and then be near the bottom in every subject.Much better to be flying along at a 'mediocre' school.

Coolma, it was only through mumsnet that I realised that a lot of grammar schools survived in other areas. We went totally comp many years ago. Think our area was the first.

DS failed the 11+ went to very average local comp. And is now professionally qualified. 11+ is just a sifting device, and not very successful at that for some bright children. If the social side is ok at the comp a tutor is the def best way to go if the teaching standards are not up to scratch and there is not other school alternative.

oh and don't be fooled by 100% rates at grammar schools. I went to a grammar school and did badly for many reasons. It was a horrible school with a bad attitude towards teaching.

I got 3 'D' grades in my mock exams (as well as 'B' for several too) and they refused to allow me to sit my exams as a result. I recall very clearly the honesty of the head teacher to my mum 'we cannot allow your DD to sit the exams as we have a repuation to uphold. We are currently 3rd in the league tables and we are aiming to be 1st this year'.

They removed 4 students with low grades/some low grades and they got 100% score and were 1st in the league tables. It was false.

(i went on to get 3 A'levels and a Bsc in Politics)

DH went to a shocking comp. Still did well enough to go on to read economics at university. And get 2.I. His parents were massively influential though, through encouragement and keeping him focused.

One of my close friend's chose for her bright son not to take the 11+, and he went to the local not great comp. He is in his final year, has absolutely stormed through his exams so far, and is currently planning what A'levels with his sights set on Cambridge/Oxford (can't remember which, he wants to read physics/maths or somesuch}.

My DD was at a comp. which was on special measures and she came out with 11 a and a* GCSEs and then went on to get 3 As at A level (at 6th form college). Her group of friends got the same or similar. The school had a dreadful reputation by the time she did her GCSEs and the behaviour of a group of students was dreadful. Science teaching was pretty dire and we did find a private tutor for this. However what I realised is that if you are an involved parent who takes an interest in their education etc. where they go to school is only part of the picture.

Whether kids leave school well educated is however a different discussion.

OP, I hope your DD feels ok.

DD did the 11+ (it's widely used in NI) and got an A. This meant immediate entrance into Grammar school, but I chose to send her to our local High School which has a terrible reputation. She absolutely loves it, it's an excellent school.

Another one here who failed 11+ and went on to get a good degree at a good university.

I'm REALLY sympathetic to how you're feeling right now, but chin up: give the local school a try - you might be pleasantly surprised. And if your dd doesn't thrive, you can look at other options (moving her into private later, moving house, whatever - you'll find a way).

[hands over glass of wine and gives perking-up pat on the shoulder]

I would entirely agree-a school is only as good as the Headteacher.Schools get a reputation and they are stuck with it-regardless of what they do! A school can be entirely different within a single year-you always need to visit and make up your own mind.

If you feel that the independent schools are feasible for you, then do conatact them. Many will consider applicants outside of their annual assessemnts. You lose nothng by asking.

Also, I think in my experience yes kids who are bright will be picked out as being so and encouraged BUT I also think there is more scope for diversity in a comp, I really do.

If you were a kid who went to grammar at 11 and then discovered you actually were better at practical things I think youd feel very left out and struggle. At my school quite a few people were like this and the teachers and other pupils could relate to them and no-one was the 'odd one out', also careers advice could be geared towards lots of things not just the Uni route.

In all honesty, I think I would choose for my son to go to a comp.

I know several people who went to private school and a fair percentage of them got involved with drugs and stuff unfortunately and even the ones that didnt, didnt all do well. From our year at school we have GPs, a barrister, loads of teachers, lots of people in business, as well as electricians, plumbers, builders, mechanics etc all earning a decent living.

Dont be upset. I went to a rubbishy school, like REALLY rubbish and you know what? I did ok and ended up going to the Uni I wanted to to study what I wanted. Imo parental support counts for MUCH more than the school.

Also, please dont go into debt for her education - it would always be hanging over your head and putting extra pressure on you all.

Schools can change so much. When I bought my house I found myself half-way between two Comps - one was the shining star that people moved to be next to and one was regarded as an "avoid-at-all-costs" school.

A few years later School 1 (the shining star) has lost its head, got a rubbish new one who was sacked, got another one then another one and the school is now a dump where kids prowl the corridors in hoodies.

School 2 has a new head, massively improved results and is now hugely oversubscribed.

Don't worry - your dd's school could be like School 2 when it gets a new head. Good luck!

I failed the 11 plus while three of my friends passed. One of them is in prison for dealing drugs, one is an office temp (she also became the local bike) and the other is a GP but hated her "nice" school.

I went to a very dodgy comp and now have two degrees and a post-graduate qualification. If your daughter is bright, she will be fine.

Your daughter will know that you're upset please don't be. i've had 3 children through the system and not one of them did the 11+; my eldest CHOSE not to do it, went to a so,so comp got good A levels and a 2.1. at Warwick uni. our 2nd dd went to same comp. and did okay(she rebelled early) but went on to do fashion at college and is working hard for not much money in her chosen field.
Our G&T ds went to a liberal private school but was expelled for taking up with the older druggy boys. He home educated himself with a tutor's and our help.
Now a very responsible father he works hard to support his daughters. He didn't actually attend school after the age of 13!!
So as long as your ds has your care, love and support she'll be fine don't worry!!

'Just because a school has a bad reputation it doesn't mean it's a bad place - go and look around in the daytime - schools with a bad reputation often have the best initiatives, the best behaviour control and some of the most dedicated, caring teachers. It probably won't be as bad as you think, I promise'

I would agree with this. Also, as gerontius says,they either have horror stories but are happy enough to have their DCs there, or they have horror stories when their DCs are not there and haven't a clue what goes on really! I would discount any stories-I have heard stories about my DCs comprehensive that don't have a shred of truth in them!
Lots of highly intelligent, successful people fail the 11+, this is because it generally spurs them on to do better!
I would make an appointment to go and look around (even if you have already done it),on a normal school day.

If loads of friends and colleagues have told you horror stories about the school and their children, does that not mean all their children are there? In which case she's not exactly going to be alone is she?