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Original poster

Friendships in Y7

31 replies

JazT · 08/01/2010 13:35

I'd be really grateful for some advice...My DD is currently in Y7 at a new school she joined in September. Some of the girls come up from the school's own junior school, others join (as my DD did) from various other schools in the (wide) area. DD has settled well, got a great report at the end of the autumn term, and has seemed generally very happy. However, we were chatting last night and she was saying that the girls in her (friendly) class are now forming smaller groups and she doesn't feel that she belongs to any of them. She has people that she hangs around with at break times but says that she sometimes feels like she's intruding.
She's a quiet girl and pretty self-contained. She's always been well-liked (ie noone dislikes her) but never got many invitations to tea etc even at primary school. She got lots of Xmas cards from her new classmates, so I don't think she's being excluded deliberately.
I feel so sorry for her and I really want to help-particularly as she's being so stoic about it. She says that she's fine, but I think it's upsetting her deep down.

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MintyCan · 08/01/2010 14:30

I have a dd a little older than yours. Does she have the phone numbers of the girls she likes the most ? If not ask her to get them and phone them from time to time. We didn't realise that the others were doing this and it seems to be quite important. Also, get your dd to organise a cinema/shopping trip and drop her there to meet up with friends. We found this really helped.

Original poster
JazT · 08/01/2010 14:21

Sorry Bruffin, cross-posted there. I know it can take a while for friendships to develop, but I would love to be able to help her a bit now. I think she's worried that everyone will sort themselves out and she'll be left on the outside.
She does choir after school, but she's not sporty at all so all of those clubs are out. She also has a bit of a journey (doesn't get home from choir till 6.20) and a fair amount of homework, so I was wary of her being overloaded last term.
Didn't see the programme you mentioned-wish I had though, it sounds interesting

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Original poster
JazT · 08/01/2010 14:16

No, none of her friends went there-they all scattered to various places at the end of primary school. She's had a couple of girls over, but I've told her to ask someone if they'd like to come over this weekend. To be honest I don't want to approach their Mums directly in case the girls don't want to come. If she hasn't asked someone today I'll make sure she calls her tonight though. Thanks for replying

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bruffin · 08/01/2010 14:12

It does take a long time for friendships to settle in secondary. Someone told me yr8 or yr9 for some and in DSs case this was true, as he was a very mature quiet boy and the others needed to catch up.

DD is yr 7 and with only two from her primary. Her circle of new friends have changed already in the first term. She seems to have quite a few friends from the clubs she has joined at school.

DS used to go to clubs as well where there were a lot of older boys he seemed to get on better with.
Does your DDs school have clubs?

Did anyone see My First Year on channel 4 where they followed a group of year7s for a year. The programme they did on friendships was really interesting.

DecorHate · 08/01/2010 13:39

Can you help her along by getting her to invite some of them over for tea/to get ready at yours before a school disco/cinema or shopping trip at the weekend? Are any of her primary-school friends at the school?

Original poster
JazT · 08/01/2010 13:36

Sorry, meant to say-does anyone have any advice as to how I can help her? Thanks in advance

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