Friendships in Y7

You may want to have a chat with your daughter's form tutor, they may have some insight or be able to help, it can be done in a sensitive way to not upset/embarass your daughter.

Just to add my daughter didn't want to join any clubs, I had a bit of a chat and told her she was very lucky to get into her school so she joined German and Spanish in yr7 and then in yr8 the Drama club. My daughter goes to her Dad's every other weekend so maybe her school friends are in a similar situation to my daughter. I dont think a lot of yr 7 girls at my daughters school were hanging out much at weekends anyway. DD often goes to her friends house for a couple of hours but they're not at the same school

I do sympathise, my daughter is in year 8 now and the friends she had most in common with didn't transfer to the same secondary school. She used to have a different best friend every couple of months. At the school Summer Fair I felt sorry for her as he clasmates had all gone together but DD was with me and her siblings.

I used to ask her if she wanted to move to her friends school but she didn't want to. there was even a bit of bitchy semi bullying happening where a couple of girls used to snigger at her when she walked past but the year head nipped that in the bud.

In year 8 she was put into different tutor groups and ever since she met a little group that she gets along with. sSe doesn't resally hang out in a group out of school as she likes to read and play with her younger siblings.

I sometimes remind her to ring her friends but she happy in her world of books at the moment. Her new friend is a bit of an 'individual', she'll go into town on her own and browse Waterstones, I find her a bit aloof but I think she's a good influence generally as she has inspired my daughter to love books even more than she did.

If you give it a bi of time i'm sure your daughter will come across some like minded friends in the next few months.

Hi Mimiso and deaddei.
trouble is deep down i dont think she is happy with the situation. i think she wd like to be out with friends at weekends/after school. She said this weekend that she felt like she doesnt' have any friends which i thought was very sad. She talks about her friends at school though, so I am a bit confused about what's going on with her.ive tried to get her to join clubs etc but she doesn't want to. She asked me to stop pressurising her about it so I haven't said anything recently.
You know what it's like - when she feels down, so do I.

It is very hard. My dd had few friends at primary, and it is only now in yr 8 she has a gruop of 3 close friends,. She's very popular, friendly, chatty, confident- but has ocd which made her put up barriers, as she didn't want people knowing about it.
She does lots of sport which I think helps.
Are there any lunch time clubs she'd be interested in- maybe debating, friends of the earth etc?

Empirestrikesback - sorry your dd is feeling down about friendships. I am only speaking from experience here of myself. I've always been the outsider and not had a circle of friends, even now. I am very friendly and chatty etc but I just find that I cannot be bothered with the whole friendship thing as I know myself. I dont like having to talk to someone when I dont want to or letting my friends down when I dont call etc so I just dont cultivate friendships iyswim. Yes it can be lonely at times but I am perfectly happy.

Your DD might be very happy in her own company and that of her family. I enjoy my mums company a lot and she really understands me. I've had BF's before but found they were too demanding. Maybe your DD might be like this or she could be shy. Sometimes I do feel left out but only rarely.

Just came back to this thread, a couple of months on. How have things gone since then for JazT and others who posted then?
My dd hasn't moved on, really, still gets bored and lonely, still reluctant to invite people round, and we still don't understand why. I can't believe it's nearly Easter, Year 7 , and she still has no network of friends to go out with. She hasn't been to/ had a sleepover since primary school
I'm beginning to wonder if she's happy just with family most of the time, then when she's bored she wants 'instant' friends who'll appear and entertain her at short notice. In practice it doesn't work because they've already made other plans. What dd needs is Just Add Water friends . That sounds like I'm not bothered, but I am really, she's been quite down this last week, and it breaks my heart. But I really don't know what we can do, other than tell her any of her friends are welcome, any time, which we do.
How are the others out there getting on?

I would say it's ideal for Yr7 children. It's very sympathetically shown from the children's point of view.

Does anyone have any views on whether the Channel 4 series is designed for adults or children? Would it be good for my DS (year 6, moving to year 7 in Sept) to watch it?

Glad I've found this thread. Have a Y7 DS who is finding the friendship thing hard and feels 'left out' sometimes. Glad he's not the only one

One other thing i meant to say - what about activities outside of school, nothing to do with school? I think it's good to have a different group of friends with an interest in common, who aren't at school and therefore not going to be involved in fall-outs etc that go on on a daily basis at school. Wth Facebook /mobiles it's easier to keep in touch wiht ohter kids so it doesn't matter if they don't see each other every day.

My dd is in a similar position, not in any particular group and has no best mate (best mate left UK just before secondary school). She's still finding her feet socially.She talks about friends and funny things that happen at school but doesn't seem to be able to take that next step to seeing each other out of school. I dont' know that i have any advice, except maybe don't build it up into a big deal or let on that YOU'RE worried, as she might not be particulary worried herself. As long as she knows she can invite anyone over/out whenever it feels right for her, in time presumably things will fall into place. I feel really sorry for them at this age, though, there's so much going on, with new school, work wise and friend wise, plus hormones. I guess they all manage it in their own ways. IT's easy to think 'everyone out there is having a great time except me' and that can feel very lonely at that age.

Do they only have sports clubs?

Dc's school have clubs every lunchtime and after school and even early morning ones. In the first few weeks there is a club fare and they like them to sign up to at least 2 clubs.

It can be really hard to settle into year 7. Why does she feel she can't do sports clubs - these should be for everyone. The school is probably happy to have loads of girls to practise, even if they don't get picked for the team.

My DD was in Y7 last year and had always been an outsider in primary school and is fairly shy and enjoys her own company. I was really worried about her, but she has made friends with other socially-different girls and they are all blossoming.

My DD does most of the clubs. She never did netball at primary so was miles behind the others, but they were happy to have her at practice (they never said it was just to make up numbers) and she is coming on leaps and bounds.

She is her own worst enemy for making friends though - people will invite her to things and she turns them down, even sitting at their table for lunch. I have no idea why she is like this as the rest of us are fairly extrovert. She is making progress though.

check it out - you do have to watch an advert first, the whole series is there.

I lie, I saw a programme that followed children making the transition to secondary.

The programme BRUFFIN* talks about is available in the Channel 4 website on 4 on Demand.

Am going to watch!

I saw the programme that you speak of and it was fascinating - saw it before DD moved schools, so I was quite calm about making friends etc. Now in Year 8 I think she has a really nice large group of mates with one more special mate.

We always told DD that it is nice to be nice to people and you can be friendly to all. We also told her that the friends she struck up with in Year 7 weren't necessarily the only ones she would have. We actually found she formed an strong friendship with one girl very quickly, but now she has broadened her friendship group, and I think this is a good thing.

It takes time for it to settle down for sure.

hear hear

Definitly agree with Hully. My dd is one of the oddbod crowd and very happy there.

She will never really be one of the Big Brother, Eastenders watching crowd who text each other every five mins. She is a bit too geeky for that. However, she can hold her own with them when she needs to. A certain amount of emailing and phoning friends does become neccesary even if it doesn't come naturally. dd finds emailing them easier.
Maybe your dd could give out her email address to a few kids.

My dd would much rather read a book or just sit around with her cat TBH. The ones that she really gets on with are much the same as her and I am sure your dd will find others like herself in the end.

No, you're not, although you could temper it with a chat about how we are all different etc. I think they all hit that stage at different ages as well, my dd is v young in her year and simply doesn't get it and finds it all v boring.

Also, (which I did with my ds, 2 odd kids here), tell her to seek out the other odd bods as she'll probably get on with those. he did that and gradually became more integrated with all the kids.

Agree with Minty. My dd is a bit more hands-off as well and tends not to do all the fb, emailing, phoning intensity so can get a bit sidelined.

BTW Jaz she also needs to email them constantly as well

oh ello gorgeous how are you I had swine flu for a bit so haven't been around muchly.

(Minty! Come back to the hall at once - we need you in France) Apols for hijack