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Original poster

First half term in year 7 turning out to be miserable!

33 replies

minkah · 19/10/2009 14:20

My son is bright and quiet and has just started in year 7 at a big comp and is very unhappy because so many of the kids are disruptive and uninterested and -to him - just not nice to be around. I'm thinking I need to get him out of there, but there's no where immediately to jump to.. what do you think.. he's crying at bed time at the prospect of going in there.. I'm wondering about HE'ing until a place comes up somewhere smaller and less combative..

Am really upset to see him like this, he was always fine at primary school and nursery.

OP posts:
VictoriousSponge · 19/10/2009 19:04

seriously if its that unsuitable for him have you chosen right? no one needs to be sad at school.

VictoriousSponge · 19/10/2009 19:03

change schools.

Hassled · 19/10/2009 19:02

No advice, but lots of sympathy - I also have a DS2 in Year 7 who really isn't settling in well. Socially etc - reasonably OK, but he just doesn't like it. I've pointed out that it's only 6.5 hours, he just has to get through those hours and he's home again, it may seem huge and scary now but soon it will just seem normal etc etc. It still doesn't help when you see them go off in the mornings looking miserable, though.

cloelia · 19/10/2009 18:59

I don't want to be depressing but i would wonder if there was something specifically worrying which he is not telling you. eg some verbal bullying; a particular horrible teacher or lesson; perhaps in such a big school he has not found his way around physically yet and is getting reprimanded for being late. I would try to get him to open up a little more about what the problem is. Wonder if it is worse on particular days? eg changing arrangements for PE could be inadequate? could the special needs dept be asked to keep an eye on him for a little while till he is settled? A friend of mine waited a year and a half with her son in a not dissimilar situation before moving him and wished she had done it earlier; but if nowhere immediately obvious i would try to get it to work here.

violetqueen · 19/10/2009 17:32

poor kid - what is he dreading ?
My son alway used to hide in the library and the learnng support ( not that he was having learning support ) dept at break and lunch time.
Personally I'd investigate other schools ,where abouts are you ?

Original poster
minkah · 19/10/2009 15:04

Thankyou for your responses, I do appreciate it. 7 weeks is such a short time, isnt it? Of course, to him, it seems so long.. And it's a long time to be anxiously watching your child lose their buoyancy.

I have spoken to the school and we are in touch, they are responsive. I guess what I need to focus on is getting ds to keep going for another half a term.. and then perhaps another.etc, while letting him know it isnt a prison sentence, and if it really doesnt work out, other options will be found.

How long do you think is a reasonable settling in/trial period in this kind of situation?

One of things about ds is that he hates and loathes groups or after school activities, I've never managed to get him to be sustainedly interested in anything of that nature at all. He's a real home body, full of bounce and creativity, but a home body..

He has various people at school that he talks to and can hang out with, and he isnt isolated so much as simply really not liking the place. And not in a critical grumpy way ( which I could cope with much better!) but in a crying, dreading, way - and this from a boy who doesnt cry. So I know he is serious!

OP posts:
deaddei · 19/10/2009 14:38

I agree with doubleexpresso= in a big comp there are always disruptive children (I speak from experience). Go into the school and make it clear you are not happy. Find out if it's in all classes or just certain ones-the teacher could be an issue.
Has he made friends? If he hasn't, he will be unhappy. Encourage him to join clubs/meet like minded boys. Does he walk to school with anyone?
7 weeks is too short a time- see what actions the school takes.

doubleexpresso · 19/10/2009 14:28

Sorry to hear of this difficult situation. Have you contacted the school and talked with them and your son about how things could be improved for him ? Perhaps he could join some clubs, or have a peer mentor. There are lots of children who find the move from primary to secondary very challenging. I do feel that 7 weeks isn't long enough to decide to move him, although recognise that it must be agonising for all of you. I think they are all still finding their feet and sorting out social groups. I feel quite strongly, that if you move a child who is having difficulties then you corner yourself because what happens if they have problems in another setting ? Do you move them again ? The school really needs to work with you and your son to help him become established and happy in this school. There are almost certainly other bright, quiet kids, it's just that they are harder to find because the others make so much noise. Good luck. Let us know what happens.