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Original poster

Grrrrr sorry this is a silent vent about ds who is 'undecided' re university - bit late!

87 replies

NotanOtter · 25/08/2009 20:28

just offloading really

ds seems to want me to pick his course. Up until three weeks ago ( but only for about 12 months prior IYSWIM) ds wanted to do medicine at university

Then he waxed and waned a little

Then he was in the National youth Theatre over summer and came back all fired up to be an actor

Then started making 'jokes' about not doing medicine

DP willing to just let it all lie but i wont and start questionning if its right for him...cue daily changing of mind

Cue me starting to stress over unwritten personal statement

.....him getting moody now and saying 'no one has done it' and still no nearer WHAT exactly he does want to study

Anyone been here and offer me sound advice ...

OP posts:
Pielight · 25/08/2009 21:01

Oh. See it's Oxford not Manchester.

Pielight · 25/08/2009 21:01

Maybe you should say to him

'you decide. If you want to do english and theatre studies - then do that. I honestly don't have some crazy agenda about medicine. I give you my permission to do drama at Manchester if that's what you want.'

then see what happens.

Original poster
NotanOtter · 25/08/2009 20:59

yes

that is the only mainstay tbh

OP posts:
frakkinpannikinAGRIPPA · 25/08/2009 20:59

Natsci at Cambridge?

Is he dead set on Oxbridge?

Original poster
NotanOtter · 25/08/2009 20:56

no chris i know you are right nagging will do nothing but close his brain still further....

he suddenly seems young when he has always seemed mature...

gap year suddenly seeming attractive but he has always said absolutely not ....hmmm

OP posts:
bigchris · 25/08/2009 20:51

sorry didnt mean to criticise!
definitely sounds like his heart isnt in medicine
maybe a gap year would help him decide?

Original poster
NotanOtter · 25/08/2009 20:46

bigchris

i am really not nagging - just coming to the realisation that nothing has been done

he has spent most of the summer working 9-6 in a cancer research lab at a local university having no fun (although enjoying the work) all in the name of doing medicine but i just feel his heart not in it....

he is one of six - there is no time to nag

OP posts:
Original poster
NotanOtter · 25/08/2009 20:43

thanks very much

frakkin.. i know i know i am trying not to but he seems to be actually asking ME what he should do....

i have suggested natural sciences as this seems ideal..he does not need to actually decide his leaning until at least one year in.... he seems none plussed

Goblinchild his application has to be in by october i think time is really really of the essence

he has always been very very very driven and is doing very well academically but just then i was talking about chemistry and he just said - 'that's my worst grade point average so i can't'

OP posts:
bigchris · 25/08/2009 20:40

i would back right off

my mum was forever nagging me about what i wanted out of life, what i was going to do etc etc, it very nearly gave me a panic attack

leave him to decide

Goblinchild · 25/08/2009 20:36

Oh yes, you sound like me last year. And then the scramble to find interesting and grown-up things to fill the personal statement with.

Medicine is tough, this year many of the degree offers were looking for 4 or 5 As at A level to even be considered for a place, and if he's havering then he'll find it harder to sell himself at interview.
Hardest thing was for me to step back and understand that if she didn't do things for herself, then she didn't have the self-discipline and general attitude to make it at Uni. You can prod and encourage, but it needs to come from him and if he isn't ready yet, then that's something to work on over the next few months.
He'll eventually have to refine his offers to one firm and one fallback, and they don't have to be the same degree or subject area. So he can hedge his bets a while longer.

eandh · 25/08/2009 20:32

No but I was like that 12 years ago!! eventually picked planning and geography, made my parents traipse around teh country looking at Uni's, picked to go to Portsmouth filled in all grant forms/housing forms etc got my A level results accepted place and then decided I didnt want to go and got a full time job!

frakkinpannikinAGRIPPA · 25/08/2009 20:32

Get someone at school to talk to him.

I assume he's doing A-levels in subjects suitable for medicine? They will know what other courses he can apply to or what else he might have to do to get onto a drama course or something.

Also - stop stressing him out (sorry if that sounds harsh). I remember being so stressed I applied for totally the wrong courses, then took an unscheduled gap year, then got to uni and changed course. AND if he's really not certain he should plan for a gap year and know the option of reapplying once he has his resutls is there.

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