does it matter if you loathe the headteacher?

HG: I still dont see what your objection is. "We have no interest in changing anything [to suit you because you are only one of many, many others] so you may as well be quiet you bothersome parent" is fairly standard fare from schools, although some dress it up a bit more diplomatically than that.

hullygully - if it helps, here's my experience. I had to chose a school quickly and by visiting the UK for 2 days and doing a quick spin round selected schools. In doing this I was completely uninfluenced (is that a word?) by views of local parents etc. My final choice was done very much on gut feeling and VERY heavily influenced by my rapport with the Head. I quickly dismissed what had been a strong candidate (the school I mean) on paper as I took an instant dislike to the Head.

I should add that a year down the line I know I definitely made the right choice.

So what did you decide to do hullugully?

I think Yurtgirl was right at the start really.

Ours is a smaller primary than that even and although I do get on with the head I don't have to interact with her that much really. It is the teachers who I interact with on a regular basis. Obviously it matters whether the head is approachable or not if you ever need to but maybe it's just a case of getting to know him better and he you.

If you are generally pleased with everything else about the school (and you must be by the sound of it) you need to think long and hard about the whether this really is insurmountable or not. I would think not, but talk to some more parents first and ask more pertinent questions iyswim.

Some people are great with children but not very good with adults. Do you think this may be the issue. We used to have a head and on first meeting and on the phone I thought he was odd and didn't take to him, but he was great with the children and once I got to know him and his oddness we got on very well and I have a lot of respect for him.

I think that the Head matters hugely. He or she drives everything that happens at a school. I think that it is really important that you try and analyse what it is that bothers you about him, but even if you can't, I would go with your gut instinct and steer clear. I would also talk to the other parents you know there - it is just possible you have got the wrong end of the stick somehow - but not to the teachers because it would put them in an impossible position and you are hardly likely to get a truly open answer anyway. I write this having had a very bad experience with a head, who was, admittedly, widely disliked, hence my recommendation to talk to other parents.

Apart from the school tour, I've never seen or spoken to our head. It's a much bigger school, but I still think contact with your head will be minimal.

In a school that small I think it does matter, actually. My dd is at a secondary school with 1400 pupils, and an issue would have to be VERY BIG INDEED for it to go beyond the the 4 steps of form tutor/year head/head of junior or senior school/deputy head to reach the Head.

But in a school of 300 he's bound to be quite involved in the day to day running of the school - and in he creating of the school's ethos. If you find him unapproachable when he's hoping for your business (I'm assuming private school) what's he going to be like once he's banked the cheque?

I seem to be in the minority but I think that your opinion of the head is very relevant to your choice of school. I think gut feeling is very important, particularly in a small school, unless of course he is due to retire?

Why are you looking to establish a relationship with the Head? The best thing to do IMO is to maintain a professional distance from the school - and as your children move up through the secondary school they will not want you anywhere near it anyway.

My dd's go to a really good, large school. Dd1 is 8 and is now on thhe 3rd head teachher. When the original one left the new one who took over was wondderful, everyone loved him and he was very, very involved with the children and the parents. He left and the new headteacher I dont like. My dh was up at the school the other day and actually asked 'who is that woman at the door' I had to tell him that was the head teacher as he had never seen her before at anything in the school I think this is . The school runs fine without me liking her so basically in answer to yur question, I dont think it matters.

I asked a similar question on here a while ago. Consensus was that you don't have to like the head, but you do have to think he is doing a good job, able to attract and retain good staff etc. If overall you like the school, chances are he has a lot to do with that even if it doesn't translate well in the way he has communicated directly with you.

How big is the school?

Seems a bit childish to 'loathe' the headteacher if you can't provide any real insight as to indicate why ...

If the school is right for your child (and hopefully no discipline or SN issues) then I really dont think your relationship with them should come into it.

What would concern me is that your issues are not passed on to your child. That would definiely not be helpful longer term.

LOL @ Hobbit toes !

Does seem like a TA kind of thing though (obviously I don't know context - but just from that statement) could be read as 'I'm accepting your opinion as valid and would like you to also accept my opinion as valid'. What was the context? Was it his shorthand for 'I've listened to you and this was what I decided'? Or 'I've listened to you but this is my decision'?

BTW - when he said 'I know what you think' - did he? Or was he assuming? Cos if he did, then it might just be his way of using transactional analysis type communication?

Do you know any parents with children currently there? Or could you get one of the teachers talking?