Posh or not?

hmmm if she is lucky enough to be one of the ones in the 17% that get five GCSEs

Chin up! She can always go somewhere decent for sixthform.

Sadly I think you do need to go to a private school to do well. I have been thinking about it over the past couple of days. I went to one of the worst schools in the country and did well. I got four A levels and went on to get two degrees. I work very very hard. However, without family money and connections you never really do that well. It is not about what you know but who you know. I now know this to be very very true. Most kids here go to the private scondary school and while their parents do not condider themselves posh they certainly have family money and help. My daughter is not allowed in the local spa when she is wearing her school uniform while the girls in private school uniform are allowed in. She works hard and is a nice kid. It will not be me that gives her a chip on her shoulder.

I sent mine private for Junior but was not convinced in the end that it was value for money. They go to State for Secondary. It all depends on individsual circumstances: our secondary options were not so bad that it was worth paying fees to avoid them. Goosy's local school is that bad and she only has to pay 50%, so she has a different conclusion.

Don't fret Araminta: if your DD is scholarship level then she is likely to do well wherever she goes. You don't need shedloads of cash: just don't give her a chip on her shoulder.

I would like to point out that you do have to be fairly well off to have 24k hanging around to send your 2 kids to a private school.

It does doesn't it will have to go hand aroung with my scummy poor friends who don't send their kids to private school.

That looks a bit like a 'no'...

Is there anybody else on here who does not send their kids to a private school.

Goodness, I agree - my children are at a private school and the last word anyone would use for me is posh!!!

Voltaire is right: independent and posh are not the same thing at all. My DC's (indie) schools are full of people who are very far from posh (and, in a lot of cases, not particularly well off). Goosey - I think you are making a wise decision.

Well i feel just terrible now. I send my child to a failing so called sink school and have no choice at all. Some of us have no choice.

Codinbatter - good point. My take on this a la Fiona Millar is as follows:

You should educate your children in the same way I did mine;

The fact that mine went to an excellent voluntary-aided school should in no way affect your school choice even if the only state school option for you is as Mr Fiona Millar describes as 'bog standard';

Under no circumstances should you send your child to a volunatry aided school with a religious character ('faith schools'cream-skim on basis of religion whereas my voluntary aided school only does on the basis of proximity and aptitude);

It is ok for my millionaire friends Gail and hubbie to move house to get into Camden School for Girls;

And don't go private - remember I didn't so why should you.

In other words I can only make sense of the Fiona Millar line on the basis of a busy-body 'do as I did' line, certainly not on any left wing still less or educational basis.

Congratulations Goosy, you managed to smuggle that one past the MN Thought Police. How come no-one is telling her to do a Fiona Millar? They live in a "good area" - surely she is the sort of MC parent who should be single-handedly saving the local comp, not running away to the private sector.
Can someone tell me how this works then? Is it OK to go private if you publicly struggle with your conscience first? Also why isn't her DH being berated for working in the independent sector instead of also single-handedly saving the local comp?

I'm not having a go at you Goosy, your decision is entirely understandable. It's the hypocrisy of the rest of MN that I don't understand.

My sons' independent school isn't in the least bit posh. They have polyester blazers and ties, there's no lake and there's no old-boy goings on. People choose it for its excellent education. It is one of the top boys' day schools in Herts which has a wide catchment including a lot of pupils who live in London.

Independent does not = posh

I wouldn't send my child to a rubbishy school. It's too important. Is the school your DH works at any good? Posh does not = good.

How old is she? Is she an only child? I would say yes, get saving now. Even if you can only stretch to send her for 5 yrs and then go somewhere else for sixth form college, it sounds as though it would be worth it.

Not all independents are posh - particularly those that have a good academic reputation. We too have had DCs at both independent and state schools at varying times and it depends on what schools are available and what schools suit your DC. From what you write, the local state school is not one that you will be happy with and not one where your DC is likely to prosper. Beg, borrow, work your socks off (I wouldn't recommend theft).

You only get one 'go' at education - it's one of the most important things you can do for a child - and they do eventually leave (so no more fees if you're paying!).

I've had children in both sectors at different times and we somehow managed even though we're definitely not wealthy. I've also taught in both sectors and in a variety of schools and, in your position, I would go for the independent option knowing that she will be able to make the most of what's on offer, in and out of the classroom.

I now teach in a highly regarded girls' school where your home background is the least important consideration.The girls have a great time - I'm quite envious sometimes - whilst still receiving a first class education, free of the low-level disruption that can blight the school lives of too many children.

It is hard to say without knowing the specific schools etc, but from your post, it looks like you'd be better off at the fee paying school.

Anyone who looks down their nose at you because they are richer than you at the fee paying school is clearly an idiot. I doubt that most of the other parents would do that anyway, but your DH could probably say what they are like.

My DB taught in a state secondary school for some time - like you say, there are excellent teachers there and also very intelligent pupils. He felt so sad that he could not teach the intelligent ones because some of the others were so disruptive - he was actually assaulted (kicked and punched), another member of his department was called a bitch, another member of his department was punched in the face and had his glasses broken. If that sort of thing is going on in your local school, try and get to the fee paying school - because the teachers spent so much time trying to deal with this sort of thing at his school that they could not teach properly.

Thats a good point margotfonteyn. She would probably be in a better position generally with a father teaching there. Also, it would be hard to teach in a school every day and see those girls haveing such a nice time when you know your DD is not. That would be very hard.

Will she be in a slightly different position regarding trips as your DH teaches there? Could he 'volunteer' for ski trips etc and then may be she could go along for less cost etc.