Posh or not?

It can be nice to be at a school where the parent teaches though, especially if the parent is quite a popular teacher. My mum taught at my school and I certainly never found it damaged my social life - though the daughter of an unpopular teacher did get picked on.
Presumably your dh is liked

Another thing to consider is that it is not always a great thing to be at the same school where a parent teaches.I remember a poor girl who was in my class at the grammar where her father was deputy head.For example Once she won a prize for something and a big groan went up in assembley.Teachers were quite often harsher to her because they did not want to be seen to be showing favouritism or because of their own relations with her dad.kids were always a bit funny about socialising with her.
Also is it going to tie your DH to a job which in the future he might not be happy in ?
is moving to a catchment with better schools an option ?

It is a huge decision and i guess it is only a decision because of the half fees option. I think the only thing you can do is imagine the DCs at 18 and ponder their view then. our decision to send one of our kids to independent realistically means prob no foreign hols for any of them for years.

i also think that once you decide to send them to independent the decision will be done. If you send them to a poor state school you may re-visit your decision weekly for the next 7 years!

Any other options- move to better area/catchments?

It's a no brainer! Send DC to he best school in the country. You only have one chance with their education so give them the best you can. They will never forgive you if you send them to Stabville High when they good have gone to Westminster, for example!

It is funny you should say that codinbatter. I do actually know the parents of he girl who was mean to my DD. They are struggling to keep her in her school. She has lovely parents who would have been upset to hear her. I think you are right about her fears. This is what I said to my DD it made her feel much better to understand rather than just feel hurt and angry. In the long term the girl who was mean to her will probably grow up to be lovely like her parents she was probably having a rough week as well for all I know.

I was reading an article over the w/e and thought of your DD and her tormenter.

It was taking about trying to let go of being judgemental. "By taking pleasure in [others] perceived failures, we puff ourselves up for a few minutes in an effort to feel superior... we feel threatened by them so we need to diminish them in our eyes to resolve our own feelings of low-esteem ... or our own harsh self-judgement." It said that a judger reveals themselves by what they judge - looks, relationships, success, etc. So, according to this, your DD's tormenter's remarks about 'chav school' betray her fears about her standing in society (struggling to keep up with the Jones's? Dad about to be made redundant? Parents have recently refused her request for a pony?)

Gut feeling, not read every word of thread...

If my child was a low achiever, I'd send them to private (less deprived social group to mix with).
If dc were a high achiever, AND had similar friends attending local sink, I'd probably send them there, at least to start. They will mostly get streamed in with other bright kids and avoid the most disruptive types of other pupil.

A more average ability child, the decision would depend a lot on the mates they might have also starting at the 'bad' school, and their personality.

Aaaw. That's sweet of you to say. Glad that you and your DD feel better, it's amazing what a weekend's rest can do.

You said yourself that you went to one of the worst schools in the country and you survived it. Your DD will be OK because she has supportive parents who are great role models. There are quite a few MNers who are happy to post that, 'I went to a good University despite my crap school' and feel rather sorry for those who can only say, 'I went to a good University because of my good school.' It gives them an inner confidence to be able to say that their sucess is down to them, not the Bank of Mum&Dad.

BTW codinbatter you are a star you made our weekend

LadyGlencoraPalliser that sounds horrible. We watched the Mean girls movie over the weekend ate too many crisps and talked. It was really fab. I think it is just a tough age isn't it. I can remember some hideous girls at my comp at that age as well. It is not a private/state issue. Good luck to all of us for enduring it with our girls whatever school they are at.

Good luck to loosygoosy with her half price fees it will be fab - go for it.

Glencora - I am sorry for your DD. Being picked on for any reason is utterly miserable. And I am under no illusions about the delights of privately educated children - I was at an girls' indie school for 13 years myself, and much of it was unspeakably miserable: many of the girls were more vile than I'd ever imagined anyone could be. However, I'd tend to think that this had more to do with their personalities than the school.

Of course there are Dottoressa. I was just recounting an experience that upset my DD A LOT. But thank you for your sympathy.

Oh come on, let's not turn it into horrible private school children vs nice, kind state school ones. There are nice and horrible children in all schools!

LGP that's so mean.

It is so depressing to read these tales of private school children thinking they are better than state school children. If my children end up like that I will disown them (after I've made them fear for their lives!).

Haven't read whole thread but if I was in your shoes I would send her to the fee paying school.

Araminta, I feel your pain. DD came home from a netball match recently against the local private school and said the girls on the private school team had been laughing at her name. (It is an unusual name because it is not English, but not otherwise weird in any way.)
I was sorry for her, but it made me glad that she WASN'T going to a school where the pupils were insular and ignorant enough to make fun of someone for having a name they had never come across before.
FWIW I had (and still have to some extent) great reservations about DD's school (poor discipline and considerably below average GCSE results largely because of low expectations of the pupils) but I hope with enought parental support and input she overcome the fact that her school is substandard.

Thanks Metella

Araminta, it sounds like you've been having a tough time. Those kids sound horrible - I'm sure your dd will turn out a much better person than any of them.

Thanks so much codinbatter will do that. It has been a tough week for lots of reasons (not relevant here) so I am a bit down it would do us both good to see something like that. You have made me cry thanks so much for picking me up.

"But they do get better results at their school."
No they don't! Thay may get better results on average but it is up to your DD what results she gets. Never let her forget that.

Chill and take a deep breath. All kids seem to go a bit weird in KS3. The best come out of it in KS4, the others take a little longer.
Have you ever seen the film Mean Girls, written by Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live who did for Sarah Palin? It's quite good for showing how kids get confused about identity, then polarised into bitchy cliques but then they become a bit more mature* and realise that it's all merely a storm in a teacup. Watch it with DD and have a laugh, a cry and a good heart-to-heart.

* ... Lindsay Lohan ... mature ... that's a whole other conversation

Half price fees! Take it now, you'll regret it later if you don't.

No, and i don't think all kids from private schools are mean either. This particular girl is. She asked DD if she was having fun at chav school. Then topped it off with lots of sniggering all in front of me. Their are mean kids in state schools as well.

However, I do think these kids have an advantage over my kid. Yes I have mixed feelings about this and probably wouldn't send her even if I could because she is happy. But they do get better results at their school. When you are surrounded by people who wouldn't send their kids to a state school if it was the last place on earth it can be difficult.

Oh dear. All sorts of mixed messages here!
So you would like your DD to go to the private school so she can learn to be really mean and nasty too?

Sorry I have had a few days of having my nose rubbed in it all. Some kids in her swimming club (she is the only one not at the private school) were really mean to her on friday as well so lots of tears here last night.