responses for when someone calls you 'gay' - yr 7

Oh do role play. The thing is it has to be an act if it doesn't come naturally?

Go practice calling each other 'gay' and the other one saying 'Your point being?' and 'how would you even know that?'

Also if you do that, it sort of takes the sting out the tail for next time, because you and him and goofed about and done swaggering and saying 'your point being?'

Does that sound odd? It works here

Yes, I think it's offensive, and DD knows that, which is why she doesn't say it (much) when I'm around. But neither she nor her friends seem to think it is - and the only time I've seen my normally laid back DD incandescent with rage was when someone was baiting her gay friend.

I agree that it is used among teens as a general term of insult. But isn't that what renders it so offensive? Like spastic was used in my day (perhaps still is in some circles) for someone a bit dim. I think we would all agree that that is offensive, despite it not referring to the disability.

The cool response round here, when told that you are , is to say, nonchalantly ...

"So's your face"

There's no comeback from that.

The clever retort is so hard to pull off. Get it wrong and you just give them more ammunition. I can see some of the (good) responses on here misfiring badly in a school situation. Really, a withering look and walking off would be my advice ATM. I do like ahundredtimes response, but only if he could say it with the right manner IYSWIM.

'Gay' amongst teenagers (or at least among DD & DS's friends) is really just a general term of dislike/disapproval. It's frequently used about inanimate objects, or a situation, occasionally about a person, and normally in the form ' You/That are/is so gay'.
But it doesn't seem to be meant in a particularly nasty way - they say it about their friends of both sexes, they say it to their girl/boyfriends - often while calling them 'darling' in the same breath. Even DD's many gay friends use it as much as any other teenagers & don't seem to give a thought to how it originated .

Oh I like 'your point being?'

that's v. good

The best thing probably is to laugh and say 'yeah right and your shoes are gayer than gay' or something. DS1 sensitive and a bit of an outsider, not sure he'd manage it tbh.

Yes Pointy is right MAS. It doesn't necessarily mean 'homosexual' in this context.

It means loads of things - like weird, lame, wet, stupid, whatever, nothing nice though.

So lunchboxes are gay, and so are sandwiches and so are trainers and so are people.

Answering back thing is hard, because you have to have some panache and confidence to pull it off I think. Kids that get called Gay don't always have those in strong supply.

I suppose smiling might be good, and appearing not to care.

DS1 (11) told me he once said 'Well technically I'm not actually as I'm not in love with another man or a boy, so that's not actually correct. But you might be gay as you seem so interested in talking about it.' He can be a little literal though and not sure it necessarily helped.

at imum's suggestions.

Your Gaydar isnt working mate.

Fancy me do you?

but none of those definitions is the one that school kids mean, katie

well gay is defined by the dictionary as:-
g
adjective 1. having or showing a merry, lively mood: gay spirits; gay music.

1. bright or showy: gay colors; gay ornaments.
2. given to or abounding in social or other pleasures: a gay social season.
3. licentious; dissipated; wanton: The baron is a gay old rogue with an eye for the ladies.
4. homosexual.
5. of, indicating, or supporting homosexual interests or issues: a gay organization.

Nothing wrong with someone calling you merry and lively

well gay is defined by the dictionary as:-
g
adjective 1. having or showing a merry, lively mood: gay spirits; gay music.

1. bright or showy: gay colors; gay ornaments.
2. given to or abounding in social or other pleasures: a gay social season.
3. licentious; dissipated; wanton: The baron is a gay old rogue with an eye for the ladies.
4. homosexual.
5. of, indicating, or supporting homosexual interests or issues: a gay organization.

Nothing wrong with someone calling you merry and lively

(I had a disagreement with a very experienced teacher not so long ago when she said the word 'gay' meant something different in this context and she thought there was nothing wrong with saying it.)

Gay is the most common insult by far amongst boys round my way. They all say it and they say it so often it is almost meaningless. Everything and everyone is gay. So I think bags makes some relevant points.

I would say just to ignore that one but I do think deathstare's short retorts are very good and worth a try.

The best one I heard (slightly older kids though) was 'I may well be gay but at least I'm not wearing that!' as they turned heels and walked away. I rofl at that one and the ambiguous nature of the insult. The recipient walked away sheepishly wondering which bit of their apparel was in question. Great.

Seriously though, if it gets worse a wee word with the class teacher wouldn't go amiss.

"at least I'm not a .." insert unacceptable word of choice
not as good as some of the other responses which are really, really good, particularly the "yes, so what? what's it to you" sort of thing.

It's so hard like you say a throwaway comment to one child, but to the other it can ruin a week.

Practise a withering look, as if they are the most pathetic things on the face of this earth. Which they are, of course.

'Yes, like all the coolest people.'

My ds says that he is actually gay when people say that to him. He doesn't think he is but it seems to shut people up.

I would suggest he completely ignores anyone who says it to him. There's nothing worse than getting no reaction for the perpetrator.

Unfortunately the word 'gay' is used a lot of the time, it's just not worth him getting upset by it (I know it's wrong etc, etc, but it is so common place between pupils of that age, and many don't realise it can be construed as hurtful, they really don't). I think teachers are clamping down on its usage.

He should carry on being himself and being pleasant to those he wishes to be friends with.

It is very hard to think your DS is not making friends but I am sure he will and there is absolutely nothing wrong with being 'quiet', as I am sure you know. It does take a while for everyone to gel at secondary school. My DS2 (my 3rd DC) is Year 8 and I would say it took til the end of the Summer term in Year 7 for proper friendships to be made.

I