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Original poster

Would you move your child to a different school in this situation?

36 replies

Madmentalbint · 22/12/2008 08:46

DD1 went to our catchment comp. Not the best school in the area, but when we looked around we liked the atmosphere and the teaching staff seemed friendly and dedicated. DD1 also wanted to stay with her friends from primary. DD1 has since done very well at this school,is in her final year and expected to do very well.

DD2 followed in DD's footsteps and is now yr8. DD2 is dyslexic and has very low self esteem. Lots of help and support given in year 7 but not so in yr8. DD in bottom set for everything with some very disruptive children. She also doesn't have the benefit of the good teachers who seem to be reserved for top sets. DD barely does any work all day except in one lesson where the teacher is excellent and always differentiates the work. Most of her work is left unchecked and unmarked, and most days she writes nothing more than the title. She doesn't get the learning support she's supposed to have and doesn't often have access to a TA. It seems as long as she isn't disruptive they are happy to leave her at the back of the class doing nothing. DD has become very demotivated and unhappy and asking to change school. Has also started having trouble with a bully. Have spoken to school on several occassions about both issues. Pointless! Was told I was expecting too much (!) and with regards to the bullying "I'll see what I can do, but at the end of the day, what can I do?"

I'm not expecting lots of written work, but I do expect her work to be fairly consisent and marked! I know what she is capable of because she consistently produces excellent work in one lesson. In the other lessons she's just left to do nothing and they don't ask/expect more from her.

The schools last Ofsted report (made after DD2 given her place) picked up on problems related to teaching children with SEN (lack of planning) and not good enough access to LS in KS3. Went ahead and sent DD2 there as no places available elsewhere locally. Now thinking maybe she would be better of somewhere else.

I recently applied to a full school in the next town with a much better Ofsted report and excellent SEN provision. Was expecting to be on the waiting list for months and really only applied in case things don't improve at current school. Was also under pressure from DD who is desparate to move schools. Anyway, a place has come up already! We're meeting the head and the SENCo in the new year, but it's a bit sudden and I'm worried I could be doing the wrong thing. DD is desparate to change school but I'm worried about how hard it might be for her.

Do I jump ship now, while we have the chance, or give up the place and wait and see what happens at current school?

Sorry it's so looooong!

OP posts:
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Fennel · 21/01/2009 13:02

Yes, I would. If the new school seems better on these aspects and dd2 is keen to try it.

And it will make dd feel you take her unhappiness seriously.

batters · 21/01/2009 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tatt · 21/01/2009 12:52

let your child try it, you can always move her back.

Your child may face bullying issues in a new school but firstly that doesn't always happen and secondly some schools nip bullying in the bud rapidly while others do nothing about it.

Moving your child sends a message that you will support them in what they want and will not tolerate them being mistreated.

pasturesnew · 07/01/2009 22:39

Agree with the move her comments. The experience of being in even a really good comprehensive school can be completely different depending on whether you are in a top set or a bottom set, it's almost like you're talking about 2 different schools. Good luck on Friday, hope you and DD like the new school.

bluejelly · 07/01/2009 22:26

Good luck and let us know how it goes

Original poster
Madmentalbint · 06/01/2009 14:36

Thank you all for your replies
I know you're right and that just because this neighbour is a teacher it doesn't mean she knows what is best for my daughter. I've just had so much conflicting advice over the past few months (some of it unasked for!) that now I'm in such a muddle but I know how important it is to get this right. I do feel that my daughter has got a good understanding of the implications of moving school and therefore her wishes should definitely be considered. I think it just made me question everything when someone said they think I am doing the wrong thing.

I'm meeting the head of year at the potential school with my daughter on Friday for a chat and a look around. I think then, when I know exactly what the school is like and what support they can offer my daughter, it'll be much easier to make a decision. I want to make sure it's not the frying pan and fire situation!

Thanks again

OP posts:
bluejelly · 05/01/2009 22:51

I think you are doing the right thing. A fresh start can do wonders for adults and children.
Go for it

Berries · 05/01/2009 22:47

If it helps, we moved dd2 in y4 because of bullying, the problems didn't follow her & it was the best move we could have made. It was also something dd2 desperately wanted to do which helped.

Good luck with your decision.

senua · 05/01/2009 21:45

I think that the teacher/friend's comment is a bit of a red herring. I bet you 'championed' the school when it was just DD1 there. I'll bet that DD1 and teacher/friend's children are pretty similar, academically speaking - DD2 is a different kettle of fish and the school that suited DD1 doesn't suit DD2.

However, I would counsel against jumping out of the frying pan into the fire. You can go from school 1 to school 2, but you can't then go to school 3, 4, ...
You must be sure in your own mind before you make this commitment. Treat it as you would if you were back in Y6, trying to make a decision about two possible secondary schools. Draw up a list of pro's and cons.
Will the new school do a taster day so that DD2 can get a feel for the reality of the new school instead of her hoped-for, imaginary, cure-all school?

BitOfFun · 05/01/2009 18:55

Teachers aren't God, they don't always have the right answers! I must admit that when I saw the title of your OP I did think that in general, problems like bullying often follow the child, and that moving schools is rarely the solution. I soon changed my mind on reading your post though. Bullying doesn't seem to be the main issue (and with nice friends, it sounds like your dd doesn't have a fundamental problem with being able to socialize etc anyway), but the school's attitude.

Your teacher friend may be happy with the school, but I'm sure she would have something to say if it was her daughter doing nothing but write the title at the top of her paper. SEN provision is so important, and I really agree with the others here who say stick to your guns!

annh · 05/01/2009 18:38

Don't have time to post fully but your friend is talking rubbish. If it's so important for your dd2 to attend the same school as her sister, what will she do next year when your older daughter has left school?

AMumInScotland · 05/01/2009 17:43

Basically, I'd say she's talking garbage.

The problems you listed originally aren't all about bullying - they are about the school failing to give your daughter a suitable education, or to even try to address the issues when you bring them up. OK, a change of school isn't always the answer, and your daughter will still be the same person, but it will give her a fresh start and if she is positive about it then that will give her a better chance of not being bullied at the new school.

You're not "being swayed" by what your daughter wants, you are trying to make the best choice for her, and she should by Year 8 be included in that decision as much as possible. Go for it Seriously.

Original poster
Madmentalbint · 05/01/2009 15:35

Thank you. I know deep down that you're right, and that my reasons behind moving her are sound, it just throws you when someone says you're doing the wrong thing.

Thanks for the reassurance

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Tamarto · 05/01/2009 14:53

"She really champions the school as her children have done so well there."

Your DD isn't and nor does it seem likely that she will.

Some schools are better suited to different types of people, it shouldn't be that way but it is, go with your gut.

kando · 05/01/2009 14:47

Go and see the school, you've got nothing to lose. And everything to gain if you think your dd will be happy there. Yes, she will have to make new friends, and get used to new teachers/routine etc. But if the support is there for her at the new school, surely that's what matters? It certainly sounds like she's not getting the support she needs at current school. No matter how much the lady you spoke to "champions" the school, the school isn't "championing" for your daughter!

kando · 05/01/2009 14:42

To be honest, I'd go with your gut instinct. This lady may well be a teacher, but she doesn't know your dd like you do. Bottom line is, this is NOT a problem only adults can sort out - of course your dd needs to have some input into the decision making. So in that respect I think she was wrong to say it is the adults who make the decision for her best interests.

Original poster
Madmentalbint · 05/01/2009 14:19

Me again

Had been feeling really positive about the possibility of moving DD to a new school. But now I'm not.

Basically, I spoke to a neighbour who is a teacher about the situation, whose children go to my DD's current school. She really champions the school as her children have done so well there. I explained the problems and she said that if I move my daughter the problems will move with her. Not only will she still have learning difficulties but she'll have to make new friends and get used to new teachers too. She also said that children who have a problem with bullies tend to find the problem follows them if they move schools. She said that I haven't given the current school enough of a chance to sort things out, and that I need to go back, but speak to someone higher up about all the issues that I have. So far I've only spoken to the tutor. She also said it was very important for my daughter to attend school with her close friends and also to have her sister at the same school. And finally, she said we shouldn't be swayed by what my daughter wants as we are the adults who have to make the decision for her best interests. I feel like i've had my wrist slapped!

Now I don't know what to do. I'm expecting the new school to phone any time now to arrange the visit. My daughter is due back at her current school tomorrow and says she doesn't want to go. She's been begging me to phone the new school all day as she wants to start ASAP. I've talked to her about how it might not be the best option for her but she's not having any of it.

ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Phew, that's better.
Thanks for listening x

OP posts:
Original poster
Madmentalbint · 22/12/2008 15:03

That is great to hear Scarlotti.
The new school also does a buddying scheme for new students transferring from other schools so it's good to hear that it works well

OP posts:
scarlotti · 22/12/2008 15:00

We moved my DD at the start of year 9 as we'd moved house. We got her in on appeal as we were told initially that the school was full. She is quite bright and wasn't fulfilling her potential at the last school, most pupils were disrupting lessons so she was doing nothing in class as the teachers were busy keeping the peace. She was also being bullied at the other school and the help we got with that was limited.
Since moving the change has been amazing, she's doing so well now and going from strength to strength.
They assigned her a 'buddy' for the first week and that helped her settle so quickly. We went from her not wanting to move to loving the new place within the first week.

Go, go, go!! You've won half the battle in that your DD wants to move.

Fingers crossed for you with the meeting.

Original poster
Madmentalbint · 22/12/2008 14:59

Thanks

OP posts:
Tobermory · 22/12/2008 14:42

Think your'e off to a positive start if your DD is already looking forward to the move.

Hope it all works out.

Original poster
Madmentalbint · 22/12/2008 14:37

Yes. I do agree with you on the whole Tobermory. There is much to improve and I'm not sure SEN provision would be top of the list. And there is no guarantee that there will actually be an improvement at all. I do also think that she's already wasted 4 terms (according to her IEP she hasn't made any progress in reading/writing/comprehension) and it would be a shame to waste any more. Also, if I turn the place down and things don't improve, we could be waiting months and months for another place to come up - especially as we're out of catchment.

Yep, the more i think about it the more I become convinced the move can only be a good thing. I really hope so.

OP posts:
Tobermory · 22/12/2008 14:30

MMB, my concern with a new head starting would be the speed with which they would be able to make changes. It is fairly likely the new head would waqnt to make changes whch, one would hope, should affect teachign and learning but how long would that take? 1 term...2 terms?
If this were my DD id be worried about what an extra term or two in much the same system would do to her. If shes already very unhappy then likely to get worse. No?

Move!

Original poster
Madmentalbint · 22/12/2008 14:22

It does feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall. All my concerns have basically been dismissed.

I've just been out in the car and although the new school is in the next town, travelling by car it is only .2 of a mile further away than the current school. I've also been looking at bus timetables and there is a specific school service which leaves not far from home. Having the practical side cleared up has made me feel much more positive about the move.

I think my main sticking points are her good friends (she has a group of really nice friends) and the fact a new head is starting in the new year who we're all hoping is going to turn things around. I think on the whole though, if the visit goes well, I've made up my mind. My daughter is very excited and is adamant she's starting at the new school asap! Thanks for your help

OP posts:
AMIStletoekiss · 22/12/2008 11:58

Since you've already spoken to the school about the issues on several occasions, and they've made it clear they're not going to even try to fix things, I'd say you're already pretty close to "last resort"! If you and she are happy with the offered place, and she's desperate to move, then go for it, no question.