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Original poster

Re: My daughter swimming and bullying

95 replies

formidablelady · 02/10/2008 13:06

I have posted this comment as I appear to be unable to edit my original thread and most people don't read all of it.

I just wanted to say that I been in the nursing profession for 20 years and I am amazed by how a lot of people have responded to my thread. It is truly like reading something from the 1950?s.

If one of my patients came to me with a complaint no matter how trivial or ?stupid? I thought it was I would do my level best to help resolve it as it obviously wasn?t trivial or stupid to them. In fact we welcome comments, that is how change is affected. Obviously there are times when we cannot deliver everything the patient wants but we try to come to a compromise. If the patient still isn?t happy we tell them the process they have to follow if they want to take this further.

I find this playground attitude of some of the posters who have been name calling and comments that I will be the talk of the staffroom surreal. Is it unrealistic to have confidence that my daughters teachers are more professional than that!

I also sincerely hope that the people who are trivialising bullying and name calling do not work with children.

I would prefer my daughter not to do swimming but if there is no compromise then she will be forced to do it. I still don?t agree with the lack of choice though when it is making her so unhappy and think it should be an option only. She is already good at swimming and has no plans to incorporate it into her career. She is very good at most other sports. Why can't she do one of those if possible.

I am not a teacher but if half my class sat out each week I would see that as a big problem and I would be talking to parents and pupils to seek a solution not have the attitude ?its tough?. After all I have read somewhere in some government document that P.E. should be about confidence building, self esteem and enjoyment. It is failing on all three. No child will learn anything if they are mentally that affected. Why not give the girls the option to do sport they enjoy.

I am deeply disappointed that no one mentioned the word compromise and disturbing that people felt I should tell her she must do it and that is that. I think it is important talk to the teacher about something that is having such a profound effect on my childs mental well being. I find it all very strange indeed??.

I feel really let down by this group which I came to for advice not ridicule. I appreciate everyone has their opinion and that most seem opposed to mine however there are ways of voicing them without being nasty.

I will continue to support my daughter and work as best I can with the school to find a resolution. I will try out some of the suggestions made and hope that the school has a more modern approach to this issue.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 02/10/2008 13:55

I am not a teacher but if half my class sat out each week I would see that as a big problem

Sorry but if half the class is ALREADY sitting out then I don't see why it is such a big deal - let your DD sit out too.

TigerFeet · 02/10/2008 13:54

It would be such a shame for her not to swim if she enjoys it, just because the school bitches are mean to her afterwards

PonderingThoughts · 02/10/2008 13:53

Maths, History, English & Science don't involve physically baring your all to your classmates and opening yourself up to phyisical ridicule.

13 is a VERY impressionable age.

My DSD (12.5yo) currently feels too self conscious to take her jumper off on a boiling hot day

TigerFeet · 02/10/2008 13:53

School isn't just about getting a good job is it? My point is - if it were an academic subject that was causign her problems then would you pull her out of that?

Is she only getting bullied because of her hair after swimming? If it is happening elsewhere then you need to tackle it as pulling her out of swimming won't stop it. Are there other reasons for her not to swim at school? If her hair is the only reason then she can tie it back, surely?

Miyazaki · 02/10/2008 13:52

Oh flipping heck, I am going to parp myself.

PARP

Original poster
formidablelady · 02/10/2008 13:52

"If you wanted everyone to agree with you and say how marvellous you are you should have said in your op. Just so we'd know what to post"

I am glad I didn't post that!

OP posts:
Original poster
formidablelady · 02/10/2008 13:49

TF maths english and science are compulsory and are required in many jobs. History isn't neither is swimming to the best of my knowledge.

OP posts:
bundle · 02/10/2008 13:48

HINT:

the swimming ISN'T doing any bullying...it sounds suspiciously like girls are doing the bullying

get school's behaviour policy

complain to headteacher

about the behaviour not the swimming

purlease

Cocolepew · 02/10/2008 13:47

NOBODY said bullying was trivial.

If you wanted everyone to agree with you and say how marvellous you are you should have said in your op. Just so we'd know what to post.

bundle · 02/10/2008 13:46

I would like you to stick to one thread and at least listen but it strikes me that's not your style

I am of course, not supporting any abusive comments or bullying behaviour.

you can report any such posts to MN, by using the exclamation mark on the right hand side of that post.

TigerFeet · 02/10/2008 13:46

Is the bullying only happening in swimming lessons?

PonderingThoughts · 02/10/2008 13:46

Regarding the bullying, it depends WHAT type of bullying it is. A lot of people are saying that you need to get to the route cause of that and swimming/not swimming won;t combat it alone...

,...But is it bullying...or is it a bit of name calling, teasing, banter that is only ocuring due to the frizzy hair thing (when I say 'only' - I am in no way be-littling how that could make your DD feel!!)

I wasn't bullied at school. I was quite happy and averagely popular and had some great friends....but that banter/name-calling etc that we all get I'm sure, DID make me feel bloody awful at the time and does effect your self esteem - at that age.
My legs were really hairy too and I got 'teased', not bullied, just the usual 13 yo stuff. I remember how damned releived I was when girs were allowed to wear trousers...felt like I'd won the lottery!

Of course, i would have coped with life if we hadn't been able to wear trousers...but at that age, the little things that we can avoid that make our life more pleasant are very much appreciated!

TigerFeet · 02/10/2008 13:46

I see

Don't you think you should be either questioning the curriculum or supporting the school rather than picking and choosing what your daughter does?

What if she didn't like maths?

Or thought that history wasn't a life skill that she needed?

Or that she could read and write well enough so didn't need to attend English classes?

Or that she was picked on in science so didn't want to go ?

Swimming is as important as history, in my book anyway. And it would be unfair to single out children for compulsory swimming that weren't already strong swimmers.

IMVHO you are coming at this from the wrong angle entirely.

Original poster
formidablelady · 02/10/2008 13:46

I did read the curriculum but bullying wasn't in it.

OP posts:
Original poster
formidablelady · 02/10/2008 13:44

Would you like me to thank people for calling bulling trivial and calling me names?

OP posts:
bundle · 02/10/2008 13:43

confused as to where you stand?

er did you read the curriculum before you chose to send your daughter there?

indeed, tigerfeet, we are incredibly disagreeable

TigerFeet · 02/10/2008 13:42

Am not entirely sure why this merits two threads either

And also why I am getting so involved

bundle we are a nest of vipers are we not?

Original poster
formidablelady · 02/10/2008 13:42

TF The teacher tells me that swimming is on the schools curriculum which is why I was confused as to where I stand.

OP posts:
bundle · 02/10/2008 13:41

she didn't like those replies Miyazaki

bundle · 02/10/2008 13:40

"thank you for some of your comments"

god formidablelady, you are so peevish

if you can't "take" the comments that don't agree with you 100% please don't bother posting at all

Miyazaki · 02/10/2008 13:40

didn't you already post this in the original thread? I'm not sure why you have started another thread tbh.

People are always going to be more forthright on a talkboard than in RL. It does seem rather that you are throwing your toffees out of the pram because you got suggestions and ideas that you don't agree with.

Original poster
formidablelady · 02/10/2008 13:40

Swimming is compulsory to key stage 2 so we wouldn't be getting rid of it.

OP posts:
TigerFeet · 02/10/2008 13:39

By all means campaign for the lessons to be scrapped

Campaign for a more varied sports curriculum that covers more interests (god I would have loved to have done Yoga)

But that doens't help the OP's daughter much now does it? The OP's daughter need to have the bullying stopped.

One more question formidablelady - you said on your other thread that other girls don't swim - why then is it such a problem for your daughter not to? Obviously there's a precedent and the swimming is not compulsory.

bundle · 02/10/2008 13:38

hey yeah

let's get rid of it

and make the future classes into non-swimmers

lucykate · 02/10/2008 13:38

i read your other thread but didn't post, but just wanted to say that i totally agree with tigerfeet's post, in particular the bit about coping strategies. keeping her back from swimming, or whatever else that comes along to expose her low self esteem, does protect her in the short term, but doesn't actually deal with the root cause.