Swimming does my daughter have to do it?

formidablelady on Wed 01-Oct-08 21:39:57
"If you went into work with hair that looked like ait had been dragged through a hedge backwards would you feel happy and confident all day. Would your boss and colleagues not say anything to address it sometimes maybe sniggering behind your back."

As long as I'm clean, why should they care? How many grown-ups are that interested in other people's appearance? My boss is interested in the quality of my work.

I know teenagers are different, and I do feel for your dd, but at the same time, it is part of our job as grown-ups to help them get these things into perspective. She will be going out soon into competitive world where work needs to be done regardless of whether you worry about your appearance.

If its long then perhaps putting it in a French Plait before school would do it. Not much escapes those! Again, if you cant do it, how about a hairdressing lesson?

A swimming pool with no showers? how odd.

Get her to tie it back!

Tell her to tie it back!

Don't be a spineless mother. You will do her no favours.

Cory, I was also bullied at school, and likewise found that it really didn't matter what I did, or didn't do.

But if she is being bullied, why not act on JuneBg's suggestion and let her adopt a hairstyle that does not make her look odd after swimming?

Tbh though I don't think opting out of activities is going to cut down on bullying. Having been bullied myself, I don't think that's how these things work.

(would have been helpful to have told us about the bullying earlier- it did sound as if it was you and her who cared about appearance)

Really? I don't care much what I look like.

I'm always clean, and reasonably tidy. But the people I work for are more interested in what I do, rather than what I look like.

formidable alas this is my fate. i swim and have curly hair. am resigned though, perhaps you get your daughter a bobble hat.

Oh fgs: is this a wind up?

I refused to go to swimming lessons as a child, after having a scare in the deep end (developed a headache or poorly tummy every swimming day).

Tonight, aged 38, I have been for a swimming lesson to try and right this stupidity of mine.

Make her do it. And buy her some of that John Frieda stuff to use afterwards if the hair is really such an issue.

Does she shower after swimming? There are loads of products that she could use on her hair to beat the frizz, whether she has time to dry it or not-don't they have dryers for them to use?

A serum, cream or the gel she's already using would surely help her get her ringlets back to normal of she really won't wear a swimcap.

A lot would depend on how good a swimmer she is. If she can't swim, or is a weak swimmer, then a skill that may save her life is more important than appearance.

Then you must do what you think is best for her. If you think that swimming would make her an easy target for bullying then I think you have every right to be cautious about it. Initially I thought you were being precious but now I can see why you are wary. My dh and his family have very curly wild hair and they are all obsessed with it!

Have to admit I too hated PE. But I don't necessarily think I should have been let off even so.

I think the thing that is getting you flamed is the suggestion that you think a 13yo should be encouraged to think so much about her appearance.

If you have other reasons for worrying about the swimming, fair enough- but you haven't told us.

IF there is bullying going on, you should make an appointment to meet the teacher/head of year/headteacher to sort that out.

If you have other reasons not to want her to do swimming, make an appointment- but do think about it beforehand and try to see it from their point of view. How serious are these reasons going to appear to them? How easy would it be for them to arrange an alternative? (My dd is disabled and often cannot join in PE but they have no extra staff to let her do other activities so she does a few exercises on the side, but is basically left to hang around a lot).

How about taking her to a hairdresser who could suggest ways of taming it after being in the pool by using clips/ties etc.

Real self esteem comes, IMO, is about being happy with who you are, not trying to make yourself fit in.

because if they are having a go at her about her hair, sitting out the swimming lesson will not stop them.

they will have a go at somethings else.

the bullying is am issue that needs to be sorted, not by attempting to side step it

If it is about self-esteem, tell her she is beautiful whatever her hair looks like.

That is far better than making an effort to make her hair just-so.

Is she being bullied? That must be awful for you. Sorry to hear that.

what an interesting first post.

there's being TOO vain and being a tad vain.
I don't go overboard on makeup or hair or outfit in the mornings, i make sure i'm dressed ok, hair brushed and swept back and don't give a monkeys about makeup unless i'm going to the pub to catch up with mates, which has only happened once since i had my DD 9mths ago. Or they come to the house.