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Original poster

would you send your oldest child to private senior school if you didnt think you could afford to do it for subsequent children?

43 replies

SlartyBartFast · 24/09/2008 09:36

or what?

OP posts:
snorkle · 24/09/2008 10:23

I wouldn't say I never would - there might be reasons that make it justifiable. Generally speaking though (99%+ of times) I wouldn't - it has the potential for causing all kinds of resentment & family rifts later on.

LadyMuck · 24/09/2008 10:22

I'm in favour of the best school for the each child bearing in mind their individual needs. But I think that often the first child can end up being "favoured" simply because they get there first. It is a tricky road to go down, and you would have to be pretty definite that there was a clear reason as to why you should differentiate. The different schools for different sexes I totally get, and obviously selective schools have their own issues.

But it is a lot of money to pay out so I'm sure that the parents involved have considered what they are doing.

missblythe · 24/09/2008 10:14

Dh is the middle child, and he was the only one sent to private school. His brother, and especially his sister, REALLY resent it still.

mrsruffallo · 24/09/2008 10:07

No, I wouldn't. Fine way to breed resentment.

AMumInScotland · 24/09/2008 10:07

I don't think there's anything fundamentally wrong in sending your children to different types of school if you think those are the best choices for them. I know a family where the very academic dd went to an independent school and more average ds went to the local comp - both were happy in those environments, and got an education which suited them well.

But if the choice is only because of the finances, I would try to avoid that situation. You could end up with a later child who could have got much more from the independent school, who resents not having those opportunities. And maybe also the older child wishing they were in a less pressured environment!

Original poster
SlartyBartFast · 24/09/2008 10:02

pag,
it is a difficult situation isnt it. if you want the best for your oldest and you can afford it at the time but probably wont later...

we could never afford it anyway so the scenario wouldnt come up.

OP posts:
GrapefruitMoon · 24/09/2008 09:56

No they don't mind afaik - the state school is very very good (and judging by the cost of the uniform is like a private school without fees!) It's not that the parents don't think it's worth spending money on their daughter's education - it's that they want their sons to get just as good a one as their daughters...

pagwatch · 24/09/2008 09:55

sorry - I did say personaly.
Just I chose best school I could for each child and there are different reasons for each. Didn't mean discussion was twattish...

Original poster
SlartyBartFast · 24/09/2008 09:53

oh

OP posts:
pagwatch · 24/09/2008 09:52

My children all go to different schools.
So without knowing their circumstances and reasoning I personnaly would think it a bit twattish to have a view.

Original poster
SlartyBartFast · 24/09/2008 09:51

the girls who go the state school, while their brother is at the private school

OP posts:
GrapefruitMoon · 24/09/2008 09:48

Which younger girls???

LilyDale · 24/09/2008 09:48

Same as GrapefruitMoon - I know people whose daughters go to an excellent Comp but the boy goes to private school as the boys schools aren't so good.

Not sure I would do it personally.

Original poster
SlartyBartFast · 24/09/2008 09:47

interesting grapefruit.
surely the younger girls would feel left out though

OP posts:
GrapefruitMoon · 24/09/2008 09:44

It would depend on why I was doing it - eg if child 1 had a particular need that I felt a particular private school could meet but child 2 would be ok in state system.

I know lots of families around here who send their sons to a private school but not their daughters - because their girls go to a really good state (all girls) school and there isn't anything similar in the state sector for boys.

I also know someone who has sent their eldest to a private school as a temporary measure - they didn't get any of their choices in the state system but hope either a space comes up in a state school or they have moved to a different area before their next child is due to start secondary...

Original poster
SlartyBartFast · 24/09/2008 09:43

well me too but not so an acquaintance of mine {shock}

OP posts:
fircone · 24/09/2008 09:38

no.

Could afford it for one, but no way for two, so neither go.

Heathcliffscathy · 24/09/2008 09:38

NO