Y6 picking schools tricky friend situation

I agree with others, even long established friendships change at secondary school. My son went to the same secondary as two of his closest friends from primary school. They didn’t remain friends. They didn’t fall out particularly, they just met new people and gelled with them.

Pick which school is most suited to your dd. Friendships will change.

Ds2 went to high school with 1 friend from primary and they are still best friends now (sharing a house at uni) but he also made another best friend who again is his best friend. Ds1 went to high school with friends. We removed him in year 7 as he was being builled and he went to a different high school where one of his friends from primary attended. He's still good friends with him now but it's all on line communication unless he comes home to visit as he moved away. But the point is he made other friends too.

when I went to high school, I made a whole bunch of new friends. I'm still in touch with everyone on fb from primary (small village school) but I made so many more new friends!

My Y6 son was distraught when he found his best friend, Ben, was being placed in a different tutor group to him. He cried buckets.

At half term in October of Y7 I asked him if he wanted Ben to come and play and he was genuinely bewildered and asked "Ben who?"

Friendships often change at secondary school. Pick the school that's the best fit for her. If they are very similar, pick the one with the shortest journey

BTW you are selecting schools by order of preference, you are not picking one school over another really, you could get neither. Are you only putting 2 down?

When DS went to secondary (about a million years ago!) they got to choose one friend from primary to be in the same class. He and his best pal chose each other of course but said best pal subsequently moved away before the end of the autumn term leaving DS on his own. By this time however the two of them had palled up with another group of boys in the class most of whom DS is still friends with to this day and they all had their 40th's this year. DD had a simllar experience, the friend from primary she still vaguely keeps in touch with, but her closest old school friends are those she met at secondary. I think you are more likely to meet your tribe at secondary as there is a much bigger pool of potential friends to choose from.

Only one of my DD’s primary friends went to her secondary. The one we were in catchment for was I think a bit better. She would have had to walk further. Her friend went there due to SEN. She has been fine. There’s been ups and downs but I’ve no doubt that would have happened anyway and she’s still best friends with her primary friend who went to the other secondary. Choose the best one for your child.

You should be focusing on the school and how they are NOT the friend situation!!! How ridiculous are you?!! Be a grown up and a parent about this not a 12 year old girl ffs! Finding the best school with the best teachers and best reputation is far far more important that which other child your child currently is friends with goes there!!! They fall out of friendship all the time and also they make new friwnda 🤷‍♀️ my kids all have additional needs and find it very hard to do life stuff but we focused on the essential things such as I mentioned and in the right school they have flourished and made friends etc

DS has gone to an independent where he knew no one. Now at the half-term point he has made a bunch of new friends! Choose the school that is right and the rest will follow.

We spent a lot of effort and research making sure that DD went up to secondary school with her friends from yr 6.

Within the first term she had ditched them all and had a completely new friend group! Just go for the best school - the friendship stuff will figure itself out.

I had no friends in my form when I started secondary in 1997, and in fact my friends were all in the other half of the year so even when thte mixed us for various lessons I didn't have any with them, but they all had each other.

The first friend I made from my form is still one of my closest friends now, as are the primary school friends. Other people that did have a best friend in their form still made other friends and drifted apart. Unfortunately we can't tell the future!

I think you’d be mad to pick a secondary on the basis of friends. Girls can be so changeable with their friendships and you never really know what other parents will choose. You really need the schools that suits her the best.

As PP have said, I would go for which school suits DD best. Are there open evenings? If so take her and look round them all and let her choose which feels best for her.

There is no guarantee that she will be placed with friends even if she chooses the same school as her friends. They often mix schools up round us a bit so there are people from every school in each form.

You will find she will make new friends, very few kids stick with the same primary school friends when they get to secondary. Almost all branch out and whilst they may stay with a couple of the primary school friends they always end up making friends with others too.

Our nephew surprised us all the other year when he decided to go to a completely different secondary school to all his primary school friends. He was bowled over with the sport offer and P.E facilities and chances to play in teams at the one he chose. He later admitted to my SIL that he was ready for a change of friends and image (he was very shy when younger but really came out of himself in yr 4 and got really into football but was always known as the shy one at school so wasn't really picked for the school football teams despite been rather good and playing at local level in a team in a different town, the primary school team was dominated by boys who played for his local town team and he never made the cut as his parents weren't pally pally with the coach).

You may find this might happen with DD. It did with me but at college. I went to a completely different college to all my friends because I just wanted a fresh start at friendships.

Yeh IME kids at secondary make new friends. List the best school for your DD – based on other factors such as subjects, results, distance (walkable? easy bus?) progress of students, extra-curricular offer, facilities, feeling when you went there, what the students said at the open day and anything else that is important to you.

Friends would be well down my list. There will be lots of new friends for her at secondary, perhaps with interests close to her own (that's the beauty of a bigger school). None of my DC stayed friends with their primary best pals.

Pick the best school for your child.
I’m it sure how you knowing their parents would affect this decision? Surely your DD know which people she likes better than others, what does she say?
Friendships change all the time. Big life choices shouldn’t be made on the basis of who else might be there. Not at this age anyway.

Pick the school that you feel will offer the best opportunities for your daughter.

As others have said friendships change a lot at secondary - mine don’t hang out with anyone they went to primary with. I would pick whichever you think will be most suited to her and not worry about friendship groups for now .

Most friendships will change when they start secondary anyway, I’d just pick whichever school you like better for your daughter regardless of current friendships.

Pick the school you think suits her best.
Worry about friends after places are issued.