Please or to access all these features

Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Struggling to make friends

7 replies

Bettybooponeggshells · 05/10/2026 18:49

My son (A) has just started secondary school.
He is autistic and struggles to make friends his own age.

His older sister (B) also goes to this school. She is very popular and never struggled making friends. She is also fiercely independent and although she loves her siblings she likes to have her friends separate from them.

Up until today she has allowed A to hang about with her and her friends at break and lunch. But today she has said she doesn’t want him to hang about with them anymore.

I understand and knew this would happen but I had hoped it might be a bit further down the line to give him time to make some friends of his own. It took him over a year to make a friend at his last school.

I know his struggles shouldn’t be her problem. How can I help him going forward? I’m so worried for him.
Secondary is a big change as it is and now he’ll be all alone every day.

Thank you for any help

OP posts:
whiteroseredrose · 06/10/2026 05:07

I’m going to say the same thing that I said on another thread. Ask your son to have a look around his classroom. There will be other boys who are often solo or in a small group. They are often the quiet ones, that don’t catch the attention in the same way as the cool kids, but may well be really nice people.

GardenSpade · 06/10/2026 05:36

Email the head of year and form tutor. They can help discreetly as they will know other students in similar position.

AdidasBadidas · 06/10/2026 07:45

Is there a parent WhatsApp group you are on? Could you post for random help like company for walking to school or something and let it blossom from there?

or if he’s on the SEND register the SENCO can help. Our school specifically ask us to bring forward friendship problems for the SEND kids.

TruffleSlinky · 06/10/2026 07:48

Does he go to any clubs or activities at lunchtime or after school? Those can be good ways to meet people, and even if he doesn't make a friend immediately at least it means he's not hanging around on his own. Something like chess club can attract the quieter types.

Bettybooponeggshells · 07/10/2026 08:54

Thank you all.
I took @GardenSpade advice and emailed his form tutor. She is going to help guide him to some others in the same position and keep an eye out for him too.
@TruffleSlinky He has started going to STEM club after school and he is thinking about going to coding and D&D too. I’ve suggested chess club to him as that’s a lunchtime one and he loves chess. Thank you!
Thank you @whiteroseredrose that is good advice. I have suggested this to him.

Thank you all!

OP posts:
GardenSpade · 08/10/2026 09:01

@Bettybooponeggshellsthat is great news. Please do keep us updated :)

TheCodeZone · 20/10/2026 15:13

It's great that your son is showing an interest in coding! I'm from The Code Zone - we run small online coding clubs for kids (6 max per club). If there isn't enough time in the day for your son to join the clubs he wants to, we run evening clubs from 4pm and have a free taster session in case you wanted to try out an online option that he can attend from home! https://www.thecodezone.co.uk/coding-clubs

Online Coding Clubs for Kids, Ages 6-16 | The Code Zone

Online Coding Clubs for Kids, Ages 6-16 | The Code Zone

Live weekly clubs or self-paced, both online. Small groups of no more than 6, the same STEM-certified mentor every week, and children building their own games. From £25/month, free taster, no card needed.

https://www.thecodezone.co.uk/coding-clubs

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread