12yo DS getting bullied and school not doing anything

I‘m not suggesting or interpreting homophobia. If you use „gay“ as a slur, to demean others, you’re homophobic.

thankfully that’s well defined and not up for interpretation. Otherwise there would be probably more people like you trying to enable and promote it.

I'm sorry your son is going through this, it must be awful for him.

You really need to push the school on acting. They should have anti bullying and anti homophobic policies and should act on them. You really need to make their lives difficult, their inaction is not acceptable..

Would also add that secondary schools are awful for homophobia, bloody awful..

You are repeating my advice to OP to submit a written complaint to the school….

@sparrowhawkhere I don’t think they saw tv personalities as real life. Cannot really think who on tv would have stood out either. Out and about? As teens yes, because they had friends in London, as 11 year olds, no. We rarely went into cities and holidays were abroad. They did, when about 4 and 6 years old see a man in a French restaurant with piercings all over his face (large studs) and they were absolutely fascinated but I’m struggling to think of any adult they met who was “individual’ when we were out. Also adults aren’t dc and they didn’t see anyone expressing themselves through clothes and hair where we live. Not even any parents! Just didn’t happen.

@MeetMeOnTheCornerwhen out and about in towns/cities, people on TV?

@SummerFeverVenice If there’s no record of the complaint within the school, they might not. The LA has no role at all unless it’s not an academy. Always use the school complaints system because these must be logged and Ofsted certainly look at a high level of complaints. All parents should do this first.

Yes, but they make a note of it to check how the school handles bullying at the next governance meeting or inspection.

@sparrowhawkhere My dc hadn’t at 11. Why would they? Where? They didn’t see anyone like that at primary and we live in the countryside.

They’ve lived a sheltered life if they haven’t come across people who dress individually.

I spoke to my DH about this. We both grew up in a fairly intolerant (rough) area and neither of us can remember boys like your son being bullied - at least not the way you describe, OP. They might have been teased, but they generally had a lot of female friends and other boys would often befriend the “camp” boys to get closer to the girls they were friends with (as I think another poster has already said something similar).

I really would have thought times had got better rather than worse, and it does make me wonder where in the country you live. Also though, I’ve been shocked to see how many people have said things along the lines of: of course you should force him to conform/you should not have let him choose his own school bag. And acting like this is to be expected and your/his own fault. If the teachers at the school have a similar view, that’s why they’re not doing anything I’d bet. Also, wondering if your non-British background has anything to do with it, as my area also had plenty of racism when I was growing up.

I like that...find your tribe. I'm going to use it in future.

@ThisWiseRobin Does it say Uganda has the death penalty ? Senegal doesn’t I think. The table makes it clear what an issue it is!

However here, fit in for a bit and find your tribe. They will appear!

Found an interesting graphic around the sidebar here on tolerance of difference in Africa.

I didn’t personally single anything out: posters were attacking the OP over his hair and his bag specifically and that was what I was defending.

You’re just trying to turn it into a general ruck.

If you and your mate @Eastie77Returns want to continue to harangue me can you not do it via PM?

It’s really not fair on OP to keep thrashing her thread.

I’m sorry too, I wasn’t aware that defending OP would provoke attacks.

I'm conflating the factors that are conflated in the situation. It's you who's singled out one as though the other is irrelevant. No one has said it does signify his orientation except the bullies, which makes it central whether you/he/I want to be or not. The village and personality points are, again, obvious. But whatever, I'll leave you to argue with what you imagine is being said...

Re-read my first response to you. I wrote “which countries are you thinking of?”

So you visited 7 countries in Africa where boys walked around with long hair or you got you impression it would be fine if they did because people wore colourful clothes. So which countries were these?

Sorry your post got hijacked OP - hope school step in properly and your son can be himself xxxx

Don't forget these small minded teens will very soon turn into small minded adults and there is enough intolerance in this country already!
Why should you have to blend in?
Why can't people learn to be nice or stfu???

An English village is not the world.

You’re conflating 2 different factors: one is longer hair and a colourful bag (which wouldn’t be an issue in UK cities and it’s not reasonable to expect a foreigner to be au fait with provincial mores); the other is a camp personality which OP can do fuck all about. And in any case does not signify his sexual orientation.

The premise seems to be that OP was negligent to send him to school as himself. She can cut his hair and buy a new bag but she can’t give him a personality transplant.

You didn’t ask me to name them. I’ve been to 7 out of over 50, and each country has completely different culture. However, the ones I’ve been to colourful clothing and accessories for kids would not raise an eyebrow nor would longer hair on males. What is the norm one culture is not in another.

I simply defending the OP from attacks that she should have known about the hair and the bag. But if she’s from another culture, these may not be issues there. Not all countries insist on dark rucksacks and buzzcuts for boys - this doesn’t even apply across the whole of the U.K or Europe.

Would you like me to take you to task over your erroneous comments about Meso and South America? I really cba.

Come off it. She's been living in an English village all the way through primary. Even if she was naive about how things change at secondary, it's not akin to the complete ignorance of cultural codes you're imagining. She knows he's different, so does he, she just thought it would be accepted like it was at primary. What you're describing are cultures where it's the norm and therefore not different but where presenting as gay would still be an issue that most would be aware of. Anyway, it's clearly not just me who doesn't get why you're pushing this angle.

@Eastie77Returns And if they are homosexual - don’t go to Uganda!

If you’d bother to read the context of the original comment, I was simply defending the OP from accusations that she was stupid/negligent to send her kid to school with longer hair and a colourful bag. I pointed out that OP is not English thus these may not be issues in her own country.

You said there are African countries where a boy pitching up with long hair and colourful bags (which I took to mean the kind of bag OP’s son had, pink and clearly meant for girls since that is the specific issue we are discussing after all) would not be a problem.

I asked you to name the African countries you are referring to and you seem unable to do so. You are just making statements about ‘Africa’. A continent made up of 50 plus different countries which are on the whole socially conservative at best and at worst, places where a non conforming boy would face severe hostility and physical abuse.