I feel we chose the wrong school - yr7

Are you SW London- London Park School (Clapham South) may be worth a look if so. Or possibly the Thomas’s senior school (Richmond) although I don’t know much about that one.

State wise - If you are 14-20 on the wait list at this stage in term I wouldn’t expect that much further movement any time soon tbh. You can also go on WL for other state schools too, it may be worth putting him down for several as it’s such chance where gets spaces opening.

Omg, over an hour on a coach to a school he isn’t even happy? It sounds like you were pressured into this placement. That isn’t your fault.

I assume he doesn’t have an EHCP. Given you have up to date reports it wouldn’t hurt to apply for one although you may need to appeal. Although it may take a while but a state place is down the line anyway and you will be able to name the state school you want and they will have to take him,

If you give the general area your family is based, MN can give practical focus suggestions. SE London, Manchester etc.

Even just not having that long commute each day would make State a better option. Realise I am biased as State schools in our area are pretty good (and were brilliant for our children, just left). But a commute that length is tiring for an adult, never mind a child. Having the State school on our doorstep meant they made friends to hand & could be more independent, more time for sport/art etc inside and outside school. Really what makes an enormous difference with school is if they are happy and have good friends. I appreciate there is SEN in the mix, but state provision can be perhaps better than you are witnessing at current private school. Is it worth checking out the other State schools as well or are they definitely not an option?

Stay on the waiting list for your preferred school. At no 14 you are very likely to get a place. Many parents will choose not to take up the place they get offered because they won’t want to move their DC once they’ve settle into their second choice school. The longer Y7 goes on the fewer parents will want to move their DC. At my sons school boys joined and left all through Y7. It’s also possible that over time your DS settles. It’s unlikely that by the end of Y7 this issues isn’t resolved on way or the other.

You're not failing him - you made the best decision you could with the information you had at the time. You couldn't have predicted that the private school you picked wouldn't live up to their promises. I'm not surprised you are disappointed. I would look at other options. I know you said he was 14th in the waiting list for your preferred state option, but are there any other state options which would be better than the current school? Could you cast the net wider geographically for private school options? Would you consider flexi boarding? (where you drop him off Monday and collect him Friday) I know that's not ideal but it might be worth it for a much better school with good club provision.

There must be many private schools who will take a highly academic child even with any SEN diagnosis, especially as most private schools cannot afford to be too selective nowadays.

On that note, DD attended an open day for a state school (grammar) recently and thought it was miles better than her current all-through private school! I was equally impressed with it. The buildings might look less fancy, but that’s certainly not what really matters when it comes to a great education.

If you have no other options then there is nothing you can do about sending him to a different school. Other than move.

You can start following things up with the school he is at though. Ask them about the buddies and the extra curriculars. I once worked for a private school that was a load of smoke and mirrors, it’s an outrageous situation that schools can get paying customers through the door and then people are trapped because they don’t want to disrupt their children.

Private! My god move him

You haven't failed him. You made the best choice you could with the information available. I would consider other options. If you're paying for private and sports clubs are being cancelled and he's not being academically challenged, I would be pretty annoyed. The state school may be better than you think. Anecdotally, I've heard that SEN provision can be better at state than private. My eldest went to a grammar school with several high achieving SEN kids in her year.

If you post the area where the schools is, people on here may be able to give suggestions for other private schools. I would also keep chasing the state school every week so they know you're still interested.

Switching schools in Y8 isn't really an easy option for OP's son, considering how other private schools turned him away because of his diagnosis.

wow I thought you were going to say you didnt like whatever state school he is at but presuming yuo're paying, I'm not surprised you're disappointed. You haven't failed him though, you've tried your best and unfortunately thus far its not been the best decision.

I think hold out for the good state option but keep him where he is for now, he might settle. I know a few kids at different high schools who hated the first term or so but settled around half way through year 7 and eventually changed their minds when places at the first choice schools eventually came .

If it's Mount House School - I don't blame you. It's very mediocre and the pastoral care is complete smoke and mirrors. Having said that, my kid came out with good GCSEs from there. I would definitely look elsewhere though. If you switch now or in Y8, there will be no disruption to his education and he will settle in quickly.

Please don't be so hard on yourself—you definitely haven't failed him! Honestly, looking at everything you’ve done—getting the EP report, sitting the exams, winning a scholarship, and now dealing with that horrific commute—it’s obvious how much you care and how hard you’ve fought for him. You didn't make a bad choice; you made the best decision you could with the options you had. Just because he isn't getting the best care right now and things are falling below your expectations doesn't mean he won't thrive eventually—and that’s what really counts. He’s obviously super bright, and as you said, the school is still OK overall. It's still too early to reach a final verdict, so try to give it a bit of time. In the meantime, try to stay positive with your son and keep his morale high—I really hope things turn around once he finds his feet!