I feel we chose the wrong school - yr7

Waste of your money to stay longer when they clearly misled you. Find him another better private school

My son is also bright and autistic and he's just started at a state grammar. I've been really impresssed at the support he's had from the SENCO, she's checked in with me twice already, he had an extra transition day and an extra getting to know you day, she's asked all his teachers to flag when he's struggling so she can build up a support plan etc. I think high functioning and happy kids can get a bit lost at a school with lots of SEN - this is one reason why I pushed for the grammar because I didn't want him to be at a school where the SENCO was overwhelmed with lots of kids in crisis.
How close are you to Kent? Would an occasional place at a state grammar be an option? Kent grammars are much less competitive than the London grammars, which would probably suit a child with slow processing better.

It's so difficult and it doesn't sound like your fault at all, you've tried your best to find him the right place and it sounds like your options are limited. Could you / would you consider home education? My autistic children are thriving now they are home educated and I wish I had considered it earlier as an option for my older son. He left school two weeks into year 7 when it became clear that the best state school I could find for him was not able to support his needs and he was just going to be miserable.

I think you’re doing the right thing here. You chose a school that felt right, and you’re reassessing now you know more about it. Not all parents would have that humility to accept they might have chosen wrong and that’s worth recognising as a strength.

I do agree that it takes time for children to settle in to a new school but that’s not really your issue here.

The red flags you’ve noticed since starting - the swimming gala debacle, the lying and lip service, the high staff turnover, the dispirited year 11’s - these all stem from poor leadership and have nothing to do with your son settling or not.
I would consider 2 things:-

1. Is there a chance your prep school pushed this secondary because they knew your son had a high chance of getting an academic scholarship there (which looks good for them)
2. Have you checked the school’s financial on hmrc- that could give you a lot more insight
3. You might be really irritating the local council by phoning every week- you just have to be patient and contacting them that much is more likely to get you put down the list than up!

Liberty woodland school, while it doesn’t have sports, is a beautiful place and would be a lovely setting for the rest of year 7 until your son gets somewhere else.

I agree it shows the value of grammar schools on getting the grades. But from my experience teaching at a uni, those who’ve been pushed beyond their natural limit crack in terms of mental health and are just utterly exhausted. They don’t know what they want other than the need to ‘achieve’ the marks.

If you are nr Surrey then give me a shout. I was in a very similar situation w my son.

Please don't beat yourself up, you've done absolutely loads for him, way more than so many parents. He clearly understands himself and how he works best, you've sorted an Ep and a good primary, you've pushed for more academic schools (it is absolutely not your fault that they can't see the strengths your son brings to their school). You've then picked a school you felt would be best for valid reasons - it is not your fault that they've not delivered.
Our sons sound very similar, finding somewhere academically stretching and stimulating, but that also supports kids with additional needs is really really hard. They're either really lacking academics and full of children with challenging behaviour, and therefore "good for send" or they're ambitious and aggressive and don't take the time to support the kids who need a little help but who otherwise achieve.
You have a good view as to what you want which is great, and you're pushing the existing school which is great. I'd set a timeline, it always takes a while to settle, especially for autistic children, so give it a while and work with the school in case things improve. Meanwhile, have a look at schools you previously discounted due to tube or train travel, or based on hearsay, explore the state option in more detail and come up with a good plan b and c. That way if year 7 comes to an end with no improvement, or a place at the state school comes up, you're ready. Personally I'd be wary of state schools but that's very much a personal view, they just simply didn't have the right environment for my son due to the big class sizes and teacher to student ratio - it made everything too noisy and unsupportive regardless how good the other parts were. He is sensitive to noise particularly though, so may be different for your son - arrange a tour during the school day to see the realities, don't go to open days, they're always sales pitches.

One of the reasons for switching to Comprehensives from the old Grammar Secondary Mod system was precisely because Grammar schools did so poorly for many of their students. It was notorious that the C stream eg was treated as abject failures. I remember how disparaging teachers often were towards them. ( Even though they were apparently still in the top 20% of 'intelligence'.) The effect on those children who failed the 11+ was even more devastating, undermining their confidence etc for years if not for ever.

Worse of course was the discrimination against girls who scored higher than boys at the 11+ but were doomed (in a system that had separate girls' and boys' schools) to go to Secondary Mods where they often had little opportunity to study the same subjects as boys and usually had to leave at 15 and couldn't therefore take the GCEs. The problems of getting (highly) qualified teachers for girls' schools was compounded by the fact that women teachers had to retire on marriage until 1944 when the ban was lifted. And, of course, equal pay for women teachers wasn't fully implemented until 1961. The National Association of School Masters (NAS) was a breakaway group campaigning against equal pay for women. It became the NAS UWT when discrimination against organisations that banned women became illegal.

Of course the research into Burt's whole idea of inbuilt intelligence that could be tested for at 11 was proved by Professor Brian Simon to be based on falsified 'research'. Burt even went to the trouble of writing columns in praise his work under pseudonyms etc.

The whole system of Grammar schools has been and is based on very damaging and false research.

@SENmummessedup I'm sorry you're going through this.

Today I felt very similar to you - that I had failed my child. To be honest, I think this is a normal view...it's really hard to know what's right, it's hard to know the right way to fight and the right way to phrase things. People are right when they say that all you can do is what you feel is best at the time, with the information and resources you have...but that doesn't cut it when you know your best wasn't good enough.

This isn't the right school. You know it. Your child knows it. Better to move sooner rather than later, but I would engage specialist advice to help find the right place.

I spoke to a specialist education solicitor about the upcoming EHCP review and he highlighted several times how much support my son SHOULD have been getting. I think something ridiculous like over 98% of cases that go to tribunal are won (against the LA).

Spend £1000 on 3hrs of really quality advice. It's worth it.

Doesn't sound like the school your son is at is suitable and will potentially get worse over time.
As it is so near the beginning of term, I would be looking round at alternatives. If your son is bored and not being supported academically, I can only imagine things getting worse.
FWIW, it's worth checking with the school you would like your son to go to if/when their waiting list is 'cleared'. The state school we hoped our DD would go to does this in November, so we'd have to reapply to go on the waiting list after that.
We decided in the end to send our DD to a private school, rather than see if she got into our preferred state school. Overall, it's been absolutely the right decision. We've also moved her very bright sibling to the same school as they were struggling in their state primary through utter boredom. Their behaviour has improved enormously due to the school change.
Go with your gut instinct and look for a more suitable school for your son.

I think a lot of autistic children like a smaller more flexible environment which a lot of private schools are good at. Quite a few of them offer hybrid learning, later start times, more flexibility about uniform, quieter lunch options etc. it isn't just about the grades.

Also it is hard to measure 'doing better'. I don't know which studies you are talking about but if the measure is based on value added then very high ability students always do worse because of the way the data works. If someone is predicted all 9s and they achieve all 9s then the value added score is 0. State schools also vary enormously and it is luck of the draw, or ability to afford a house in the right area, that determines which one your child goes to.

If you looked at schools that have a prep and an upper school there’s a natural transition point at year 9 when they start upper school so there’s lots of new joiners then.

If you’re open to moving then aiming for year 9 entry somewhere else would give you time to find the right school, get a place, find a house etc.

Although that does mean staying where he is for now!

My friend’s DS (high functioning autistic) is at London Park Clapham following a terrible year 7 at a different school. He is absolutely thriving and on set for some pretty stellar GCSE’s. If the distance is workable, I’d definitely give them a call.

If you're thinking of moving, APS or Dame Alice Owen or maybe Wren Academy Finchley are the schools I would try to move on the doorstep of. I wouldn't move for a private school.

Would you consider weekly boarding?
My friend's son is at Lancing College and they are thriving - they have a specified SEN department and great sports and it's mildly selective.

Emanuel school, big school grounds of 12 acres and sports, arts, drama etc.
City of London is great but no green space and DC will need to travel to sport grounds.
Harrodian, green space.

Check Londonpreprep.com, there is a list of London school and rankings.
Goodschoolguides.co.uk

Start reaching out now because there may be exams to sit this term to move, occasional places due to family relocation.

I would be cautious of moving just for a school
as a lot of private schools are in a precarious financial situation and many of these have historically been accepting of SEN. A school can also change culture with a new head, I have seen it with Stoke College for example who have been historically great but turned selective in the couple of years before it closed. At the very least if you do take the plunge and move ensure there are acceptable alternatives state and private should the worse happen. Again an EHCP will be helpful in this situation.

“Even more interestingly, state Comprehensive School students do better than students from Grammars at University and post Graduate levels.”

Counterintuitive at first sight, but this result actually makes perfect sense—and it certainly doesn't mean grammar schools have no value. In fact, it proves the opposite.
Grammars provide the scaffolding, high peer expectations, and exam focus that push a student to their absolute limit. A child who might get AAB in a comprehensive can get pushed to AAA at a grammar, opening doors to top universities they wouldn't have reached otherwise.
When researchers compare a grammar student and a comp student with the exact same AAA, they are looking at the end result. To get top grades in a comprehensive without all that extra coaching, a child usually needs exceptional innate drive or talent. Once they get to university and the school scaffolding disappears, those super self-driven comp kids thrive, while grammar kids settle back to their natural baseline.
From a parent's point of view, this actually shows the value of a grammar school: it boosts your child's A-levels and gives them a much better shot at getting into a top university in the first place. And as grammar and comp are both free, it is hard for parents not to prefer grammar schools.

In London you have plenty of choice of non-selective private schools, not all of them are rubbish. If he's doing one hour commute anyway, why not look into other private schools within this distance? You could move mid-year, I guess quite a few of non-selective PS are now desperate for pupils. 14th on WL may take a very long time to move, there is no point in wasting money on the rubbish school in the meantime.

Having said that, the first weeks of y7 can be quite chaotic anywhere so maybe it's just early days. I get the point about SEN support, but what did you find mediocre during the open day?

One hour by coach with early start and late finish is quite a lot and this is before it gets to the dark winter months. Friends found the use of school coaches seems efficient and convenient but it worth checking if there are a lot of stops and pick up on the routes.
Also, factor homework and revision time in later years.

This is a good starting point with suggestions, other schools maybe to check out is Wetherby Senior (boys), St. James (boys), Wetherby Pembridge a coed new school in Olympia.

I fear you may be wasting your money on the current private school.

According to research by UCL ( University College London) and the Sutton Trust, Comprehensive School students do virtually just as well as students at Grammars of similar ability, at A level.
Also students of lower ability do better at Comprehensives than students at Secondary Mods.
Even more interestingly, state Comprehensive School students do better than students from Grammars at University and post Graduate levels.

What would you LA offer you state wise?

It seems completely mad for your child to be unhappy at school but for you to be paying through the nose for that. And I wouldn't dream of an hour's coach commute to add in to it too.

A bit drastic but how open are you to moving? May be worth looking at/applying for schools in other areas and moving accordingly if that’s feasible at all.

Alternatively could you look at online schools for awhile - would this suit DS?