What do your Year 7 kids do after school when you’re working?

I have a year 7 at home for a couple of hours. They are supposed to make sandwiches, sort their uniforms and homework - however screens usually win which is really annoying!!!

@welshweaselwhere are you with school options now? Curious to know what does your DS do now that he won’t be going when he goes to y7?

I had a very similar situation here when my oldest was in yr 7
she used to finish at 3 then walk home. Her dad would be home at 6.
Rules were came straight home and she locked herself in and didn’t answer the door, that she kept her phone with her so we could call her after school and that she didn’t go out with friends unless it was prearranged.

it was usually only a couple of days a week depending on my shifts and we also had a couple of different family living close by.

5 days a week feels like a lot although I worked with plenty of people in the nhs who had no other choice but to do this.
My dd preferred company so was quite resourceful at going round to friends houses (I was happy to reciprocate on the nights I was there)

In a thread about children, and in a sentence after mentioning the word young people. The context is so clear I can only assume you wilfully ignored it.

Mirroring the kind of critical thinking skills you display - I didn't actually say anything. I typed it.

You said "singles". Not "young people".

I cant see any mention of age groups in that link? so it doesn’t really respond to anything.

Maybe older widows and widowers are now more likely to solo travel due to increased wealth. Who knows - certainly not you.

At that age he should definitely be able to once he’s home, get a snack (microwave, air fryer or fridge) and hot or cold drink and entertain themselves including doing homework. Yes, they can get distracted by x box but shouldn’t do or just allow themselves a short time on it. He should not need adult supervision though this would be nice. A rough guide about what to do/who to call on in an emergency is a good idea. Also basic house rules such as do/don’t answer door to strangers. Ring doorbell comes in useful then.

After posting the other day, I looked it up and actually solo travelling is increasing.

https://www.condorferries.co.uk/solo-travel-statistics

Not really, because it tracks very well against other trends that we know of - increased prevalence of mental health issues like anxiety, reliance on social media, young people spending more of their free time on their own etc.

Do you not think that’s a bit of a self selecting sample though? Those who are just getting on with it aren’t going to be making videos on TikTok about it, are they?

I'm not talking in absolutes - I think that it's quite clear.

TikTok is full of videos of young people either worrying about or guiding each other about how to do everyday normal things on their own.

She just goes home although she’s year 8 now. When she first started secondary she did a lot of after school stuff. Now she just does a couple

For some kids night after night alone is just too much. One of my friends dc went to a school that finished at 2:30, he was home before 1/4 to 3 and especially at the nights drew in he hated being alone until 6/6:30 every night.
Luckily his old childminder was happy for him to attend a couple of nights a week.
The other thing that I have known work well is to pay a sixth former from his school to accompany him home and lightly supervise him. Depends how rural you are as to whether that could work.

DS is Yr 6 -aged 11, in preparation for secondary he’s had his own key for about 6 months, we work shifts and maybe 1/2 a week he lets himself in after school… he finishes at 3.30pm and takes anywhere from 30mins-1 hr to walk home. Once he’s home he just does what he fancies, Xbox / iPad and then I get home about 5.30 ish having picked his sister up on the way.

How do you know that? I'm not sure anyone keeps figures - do you think maybe your friends are now coupled up so don't go on holiday solo any more?
Seems like a really odd thing to assert with no evidence.

There's no law against it but young people definitely do not go on holiday on their own anymore, not in the numbers that people did 15-20 years ago. Good point missing.

We have an afterschool nanny.

It wasn't too long ago that singles went on holiday without friends!
Is there a law against this now? I know people who still do this.

Anyway back to the original question, my DD would definitely not do homework if there was anything else to do instead. She has got several detentions this year (about one every two weeks) for not doing homework and if we didn't remind her, and check online, she would do none. She seems to regard detention as a pleasant alternative to actually doing it and has been caught out by not doing it, going to detention, and then still not doing it and having another detention.

On the other hand, I think a child should be able to entertain themselves for a couple of hours a day - especially when they have something like their homework to do!

As children didn't we all spend time alone developing our own hobbies? I wasn't an only child but I enjoyed from about 11 the chance to take the dog for an hour's walk, the opportunity to bounce a ball against a wall and a bit of time sat on my own playing with my gameboy.

It's a skill that genuinely needs to be developed to be able to spend time in your own company. There are lots of young people nowadays who feel too self conscious to go to a cafe or a restaurant on their own. It wasn't too long ago that singles went on holiday without friends!

DD just came home and let herself in and then just got on with whatever she wanted. Sometimes it was gaming, sometimes it was reading, Homework was her problem, if it didn't get done, then she'd be the one getting detention. (Obviously we asked occasionally how much she had and gave help when she requested it, but I'm not managing an 11 year olds time for her)

Sometimes we'd leave a note with jobs for her like the hoovering, she'd always empty the dishwasher when she got in or put a wash on the line if needed.

If she wanted to go out with her friends after school, that was fine too as long as she text us to let us know beforehand.

Extra curriculers all started at 6 so there was always someone home by then to give her a lift.

Ds school is 8-230. Mainstream secondary school

Sadly, in a society which expects both parents to be working in order to afford a decent standard of living it’s the reality for many.

At 11 I think they’re fine to be left alone a whole day or even overnight (wouldn’t do that btw but think they’d be fine). But there’s something a bit depressing when I think about an 11 year old being alone for a few hours every evening - maybe I’m soft! I’d see about extracurriculars, if he did two a week and wfh Fridays then he’s only being left to it two days a week.

It's a great opportunity for him to build up independence.

You can look for outside activities he can do that aren't at school - there may be sports clubs hosted by external providers elsewhere (or just going swimming or playing football with friends), music lessons, tutoring, etc. He could be responsible for cooking a meal one evening a week.

But if that's not appealing - Lots of kids would gravitate to video games or whatever if there were no consequences, so you need to make sure there are. Positive consequences for doing what he should be, not just negative for doing what you don't want.

You can tell him he needs to get his homework done first and check it when you get in. If he hasn't the xbox goes in a locked cupboard until you get home the next night and can see he's now up to date. Alternatively (or maybe as he gets older) it's not about checking every night, it's about him keeping his grades up. He gets to choose if he spends time on video games and how much, but if his grades slip you go back to closer supervision.

The important thing is to show him you are interested in the work he's doing at school. Sit down with him and talk about what he's learning, what he enjoys, share your passions with him. Make connections between what he loves and things you do or he could do. Laugh with him about the stuff he dislikes and has to do anyway and share (mainly positive!) stories of how you handled that when you were in school, uni and now at work.

He's going to have a fair bit of time on his own, don't let him feel like it's just a black hole to you.