Should we move secondary’s?

This really depends on the school/area. Some schools have a much higher turnover than others. At some schools, places rarely come up. At others, several every year do.

I can see how your DD must be struggling, many ND children have similar issues. And teens is a brutal age where you fit in or you get left out. Silver lining is - Atleast she’s not being bullied.
I have a ND DD and in your shoes I’d move for the following reasons:

• being closer means greater opportunities to engage with the school - extra clubs, competitions, volunteering etc. At some point, somewhere she might find a likeminded soul.
• you can engage more with the school which will mean you build relations with the school team, and lobby better for your daughters support
• greater chance of knowing families that use the school and opportunities for out of school mixing
• time, energy saving and reducing frustration of travel multiplied by the issues you are facing

I’m seeing fewer losses of leaving the current school. You say you have overthought (I’m in the same boat) the year7 decision and afraid to choose again; this time be led by your daughter and let her own the decision.

In my experience year 9 is when the ‘real’ friendships landed. My DD made no good friends in year 7,8 (ND too!) but excellent ones in year 9,10 (she had to learn to change her social skills and speak ‘right’ to fit in) and the group is going strong even though all are in different Unis.

hope the WL moves for you 🤞🏻

I think you are right OP. Also the extra exhaustion from a long journey will likely hit an autistic child even harder
Good luck with the move.
I have several friends with autistic girls who don’t leave the house anymore at all and you are best staying ahead of it, if it isn’t working. Having said that one of my friends autistic DD has an online best friend and they bake in parallel, knit, sew and do a book club online together. Whatever you can find in terms of contact that works socially take it. Her mum is happy when she goes in the garden.
If your DD is doing clubs that is a great sign.

@hydrangeasandroses - DS is in year 7 and the autistic kids in his school have their own clubs and seem very friendly with each other. Our local music trust is also full of autistic teens, playing in orchestras together. I am not saying it isn’t still tricky for the parents but they mostly have friends via common shared interest. There will be some girls in every area just sadly a lot get diagnosed later or not at all.

Have you tried to meet other local families with autistic teen girls?

I agree with @Toomanyminifigs. Request an EHCNA now. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use. Nothing has changed yet. The law has not yet changed at all. LAs must not base decisions based on the white paper. They must follow the current law.

Even without an EHCP, the school must make their best endeavours to meet DD’s SEN and they must make reasonable adjustments. If that isn’t happening and you aren’t getting anywhere with the SENCO, go higher up. If you have the contact details of DD’s class teachers, email them directly too. Don’t rely on information being passed on.

Academic success is great but that's not only what school is about is it? The social side of it is just as important for DC. It's vital that they feel they belong to the school community and it teaches them such important life skills. It's not good enough for schools to fob parents off and use academic ability as their only measure of achievement.
I appreciate there's only so much schools can do but it sounds like her school is doing nothing!

If she can walk to the local school will there be
more chance of seeing other girls after school and at the weekend? It's hard when your social life depends on getting lifts from parents!

Could you visit the local school with her and see if she likes the atmosphere?

The SEN white paper hasn't become law yet and may be subject to change/amendments anyway as there's a lot of anger about the proposals. I would say this is even more reason to put in an application as soon as possible.

In my DS's EHCP for example, he attends a weekly small group with a SALT working on conversation skills, turn taking, etc. He also has access to an ELSA once a week where he can talk through his worries. The SALT is lovely and she's tried to find other likeminded students for him to work with.
My DS has a different profile to your DD though in that he doesn't actually want friends! He's very dismissive of his peers.
I'm just giving you an example of what can be included in an EHCP. As it's a legally binding document, you have more 'power' to hold the school and LA to account.

That aside, the school should be doing more to support your DD. As you say, she can't be the first student they've had who has struggled with social issues! I've just seen your update about her personality which I was going to ask about. It's very common for DC with ASD to be 'young' for their age - and for friendship difficulties to become more of an issue as NT kids hit puberty.

My DS is a real rule-follower too. He reminds teachers if they've forgotten to set homework so you can imagine how popular that makes him!

100% move her. We had a very similar situation to yours with a DD that sounds like yours. We have just moved her (year10) and she is so much happier. I wish we had done it sooner but didn’t for various reasons.

How on earth can you cope with 2 hour drives to get her to the current school, if it is not offering any support? Being 10 minutes from home is going to be much easier for everyone and I would say it is worth the risk especially if it is also a school at the same academic level. The only real risk is that friends don't work out but they haven't at the current school so it's neutral.

Certainly the EHCP system is changing and things are beginning to move in a direction that suggests they will call 'ehcps' the highest level of support. Its worth contacting your local authority
Send teams (often called slightly different acronyms) to see how they are changing things as most of it hasn't been implemented yet.
With regard to socialising ... it sounds like it's more outside of school friendships rather than actual school based problems? Which, regardless of which school she's in, it might be worth looking at local scout or guide groups, music groups etc depending on what her interests are? My ds (now adult) never actually had friends 'at school' but had a thriving social group of fellow kids who were very interested in heritage railways so the school day was just a means to an end for him. He used to do things like librarian at school so that he didn't have to be around others!