Coping with GCSE year with DC needing a lot of support you're not good at giving

Hey @Echobelly don’t feel bad about this.

It may seem from threads and chats on Mn and elsewhere that parents are endlessly sitting by their DC and revising with them, but I suspect that this is not the case. And in any case it is not needed.

For my DC I offered snacks, stationery, a space to work and any help they wanted – like, sitting with them and test them on history facts from flashcards if asked, or going for a walk and talking about this maths past paper.

What I am saying is, find a way to support, for sure, but the work needs to be your DS’s. You don’t need to be sitting for hours with him, and I genuinely cannot imagine many parents do that.

Yes, for the core subjects it’s best if he gets a grade 4+ and if that’s looking unlikely. Ask him how you can best help. Look at resources to help (there are lots) but really as @RobertBobsee says, you do not need to know the curriculum. Plenty of time still to work on exam technique and look at past papers to see what sorts of things will get him marks – that’s more important than anything tbh.

If he is struggling with some subjects, is it worth negotiating with school to drop some, or go to the lessons but not sit the exam? No one needs a GCSE in history if they are not planning to take it further, and it sounds as tho it may be too much of a challenge for him. He needs maths, English, science as the core ones so I would help him focus on those as far as possible.

Can you afford to buy all the revision books/study guides/exercise books etc.? Would they work for him? Can he memorise stuff easily? Does he learn better by reading something, listening to it, watching it, writing it?

Depending on his preferred method, there normally is something out there (books, youtube vids, even tiktoks that can help).

It's tough! Our oldest two (my DSC) have very different temperaments. The oldest breezed through exams while the next has ADHD and has a thinking/learning style that neither DH or I really seem to mesh with when it comes to explaining subject matter. Last year they were sitting A levels and GCSEs respectively and trying to figure out how to support no. 2 was stressful.

I ended up deciding to focus on helping with providing structure and executive function support - I have ADHD as well so I'm actually better at thinking through these tools than their naturally organized father. We figured out a manageable study schedule, worked out what sort of setup helped him most, and did parallel study sessions (I would work or read) where we'd set out a task list and break plan and help each other stick to it. I shared things that worked for me (ex. mini rewards like finish a page, eat a chocolate button, sandwiching most-dreaded tasks between two easy ones) and things I've learned don't (ex. studying in my bedroom or anywhere near a tv, trying to do a bunch of short sessions spread throughout the day). We did exam-conditions (no music, no devices, no food, no alternative seating) practice together too, with open acknowledgement that it's absolute rubbish but unfortunately necessary. DH and I generally left the subject-material help to his teachers and tutors; if he got stuck or had questions we encouraged him to take a stab at it and write down his question in a designated place, then move on to something else.

Everyone survived relatively untraumatized.

The good news is he is in year 10 and not currently sitting them.

Advice on the internet is free so find something that makes sense to him. Youtube is great for English. Try either Mr Bruff or my personal favourite Mr Salles, make sure of the exam boards the school use, probably AQA but double check.

The narrative he will be expected to write, he can look ahead and have things prepared, not a story as that would be impossible but descriptive words for weather or places like a school playground, the woods, a back garden. Google good ways to describe a sunny day, in primary we call it magpie, you take the words you want. You could help with that.

History, if he is AQA then Gerard O'Toole on Youtube is great, lots of silly hats to help with memory, mine did a different exam board and I just watched him for fun because I love History.

The school also provided mine with WAGOLLs (what a good one looks like) that highlighted the AOs in different colours (assessment objectives, both English and History have these) firstly they will be in his school book, also the revision guides and helpfully on past paper mark schemes.

All these past papers are online, for all subjects. As an adult it is much easier for you to figure out what he needs to do. It literally lists out what answers they are looking for under each AO. Help walk him through an English paper, both lang and lit and look at the first question, then the answer. Next question, next answer. Don't do the whole thing first.

This isn't about hours of 1:1, this is teaching him the tools to know what gets you marks. Sadly, this is important. You don't need to know everything yourself. Depending on what fiction he is studying for English, find the film/play on youtube. The revision guides walk them through it.

He also has a whole 6 weeks of this summer to work on things. He will be awake for over 12 hours, committing to doing some work broken up over the day will help him tremendously. Reward him for his efforts, not his grades but if he gets back on track with maths he will never have to sit the exam again, that is usually a good motivator.

I could have written your post a few years back. Honest advice? Yes he will pick up on your despair. Simply because he will be stressed himself and sensitive to the energy around him. So try and relax as much as you can. Not easy I know.

Secondly, it's not your exams so why on earth do you feel the need to know the entire curriculum?! Get him tutors where needed, nourish him with good food/snacks, listen to him if and when he needs to vent and that's it. Keeping his wellbeing in mind is your responsibility, doing his best in the exams is your son's.