Coping with GCSE year with DC needing a lot of support you're not good at giving

Just stop incentivising. It's bribery and if it backfires creates more problems and bad feelings. Instead praise praise praise.

You help him by watching the videos with him and helping him mark what he does. If he asks a question, you can help by googling for him.

You can also help by making his favourite food, fixing him a drink, taking him for a walk, bouncing a ball with him, testing him and telling him to take regular breaks.

Don't be his tutor, be his cheerleader, caddy and praise dispenser.

This is extremely common for ADHD. Getting started and engaged in a task tends to be the hardest part (task initiation is an executive function skill) but once we do get into that mode we can actually have a hard time stopping. I've learned to lean into it by not trying to do a bunch of short periods of work/study; I try to block off big chunks and, while I allow myself small, in-place pauses if I'm having trouble focusing, I try to avoid taking real breaks that then create a need to properly re-start the task. For that same reason, rewards frequently work best when they're small, frequent, and focused on any forward progress rather than setting big far-off jackpots. You're breaking the mountain into individual steps to make it easy to just start moving and stop the tendency to stare up at the top thinking "oh that's really high, that's going to take so much effort and misery to make it all the way up, maybe I'll try later".

I mentioned parallel studying in my comment up front and I do highly recommend that. Neither DH nor I spent hours helping DS study in the proper sense - I frequently didn't even know what he was working on and more often than not we both had on headphones. But I created times when we would work independently in the same space and manage distractions together. For me that just made sense because one of the most helpful things I experienced at boarding school as an ADHD student was mandatory prep time (we called it study hall) where everyone was studying independently. My DS has friends who board so he could relate to that concept as well. In terms of a time-commitment from me it really came down to scheduling a block of non-conference-call work (or reading/personal email & life admin) time that could also be a study time for him and making sure we had a space where there wasn't house activity going on or younger siblings wandering through. Sometimes a sibling joined for their own quiet time as well. If DS was having trouble getting started I would help him with identifying and ordering tasks (start with something easy just to get going and sandwich the onerous stuff between the easier things) but I wasn't setting him tasks or checking work.

That’s what we did - used the front room (previously a playroom) and made it into an office of sorts. Obviously it’s a massive privilege to have a second living space downstairs, so not everyone could do this. But it’s been a total game changer.

My DD (ADHD), currently Y11, has mostly needed lots of support with planning and timetabling revision, and prompting to get started. She doesn’f want help with the actual revision. So it hasn’t been too onerous once the planning is done. The very best thing we did was make a quiet, distraction free space downstairs for her to work. We, and she, knew that in her bedroom she would drift into a world of make-up/drawing/trying on clothes/gazing at the ceiling while listening to records 😆 If space allows, I would recommend doing this, even if it means repurposing a space, and other family members keeping pretty much out of it, just temporarily. Oh and she absolutely cannot have her phone while revising (tbf that’s a must for any young person, I think).

I’ve been super impressed with how her ADHD brain seems to kick her into hyper focus - she has been surprisingly absorbed for long stretches ( longer than timetabled) at times.

DS15 was in the same boat last year! He got Us for some of his Mocks.... But in true ADHD style (for him at least) the arrival of the actual GCSEs finally gave him the urgency he needed and he has worked his socks off for the last month, getting 9s and 8s in his past papers . He has found the Free Science Guy online who is brilliant (we bought all the workbooks which he loves) also Mr Everything English. Maths is his forte and DH has been helping but I'm sure there is someone online for that too. Lots of revision apps available like Seneca. DS has just started medication which also helps, and we've given him a cash incentive - £90 for a 9, £80 for an 8 etc.

I helped DC with the ‘fact heavy’ subjects - history, biology, literature quotes etc. It was just me sitting on their floor going over and over stuff until it stuck. Very boring .. but it did go in. DC was of the opinion that regardless of exam techniques (which are very important of course), if you don’t know the facts you can’t write anything. We had post-it notes everywhere too with facts, formulae, words etc - on the fridge, cupboard doors etc. There was no skill involved on my part, just determination.

Sounds stressful. I am not in the UK but is there any sort of exam/ study coach that can help him to identify the approach that works best for him, and help him to put a timetable in place?
I have 2 ND teens, both very stubborn and resistant to offers of parental help. Oldest is finishing school this year and I wish I had insisted on a bit more outside support. He has a tutor for one subject and we signed up to a good study skills website but otherwise he is doing it himself.
Younger one is not doing exams this year, thankfully as he is struggling to attend school. I have come across a study coach that I hope to use when he (hopefully) is able to engage a bit more with his education.
All you can do is put support in place, try to help figure out what works for them.
Many kids will not want their parent sitting with them for hours, and many parents will not have the time or skills to do this properly.

Why don’t you get into a routine where you do 20min together every evening of a different subject. Teenagers are normally good in the eve and it’s lovely bonding time spending that dedicated time together each day. GCSEs are interesting if you approach them with that mindset. 20 min a day will get them a massive headstart too

I would really recommend Save My Exams. It’s amazing. Are you getting the papers back from the subjects he’s doing?

Mum of 2 ADHD children, they did their own revision, they need to have the skills in order to succeed in life, doing everything with them sets them up to fail.

Oh and my ds is also August born so I feel your pain!

With adhd the problem with whole essentials is the executive function.

Mu ds has ASD and severe problems with executive function and English was his nemesis!

What helped him was his 1:1 (he had an echp) spent time teaching him the skills rather than the actual content.

Look at meteacognative learning skills.
also look at using mind maps.

My Ds got the foolscrapnfolders and opened them up. He was told to table each partition as a theme - eg characters. Then just focus on 1 character. Write some notes about that character. He eventually slowly built information about lots of things so when he was asked to write an essay on “X” he had been given the skills to break it down. Basically he was taught rote learning how to write an essay and substitute the information for the relevant info.

Would this work for your DS? I think what helped with my ds was he has a photographic memory and echolaic way of learning (he has a lot of gestalt language learning traits).

But whether that specific advice works or not the premise is the same. Find his learning style and rote teach how to respond to questions.

My AC give have a great deal of input into their children's homework and study ...far far more than I ever did. I just said "Have you got homework? - might be a good idea to do it now" and left them to get on with it. Answered questions if they came down and asked, but otherwise that was it.

I am conscious that everyone seems much more stressed about GCSEs now and that parents seem to take on a great deal. It is very burdensome on family life.

If your son is needing this level of input from home then I wonder if you need to be talking to the school - which you may already have done of course. I can't help wondering if he simply is not ready for GCSEs yet. If he has some SEN plus being an August child then they may simply be asking more of him than he has to give which is really tough on him.

I hope he has a lovely camp!

I am surprised that so much home input is becoming the norm. Where is the schools role in this? Are they supporting him properly?
This all seems a huge burden on both patents and child.
I do not think you need to feel that you should have expertise in either the subjects or teaching techniques, or tgat you are not good at supporting him. You are not a teacher, you are his mum.
He is probably fed up to the eyeballs of it all and needs you to just be his mum, which I am sure you are very good at! Feed him, hug him, chat to him, find nice things for him to do .... he can only take so much learning and needs to be able to chill with your blessing. Hope he enjoys his camp ... he must leave his work behind.

Can you talk to the school about access arrangements? Would he be able to articulate what he wants to say via a scribe? Or can he not see how to start at all?

OP, I really feel for you. I know it’s not even slightly comparable, but my Year 7 DD who has ADHD and severe dyslexia is a nightmare when it comes to homework and revision and I’m already feeling so worried about GCSEs (we have family friends going through it, hence why it’s on my radar despite it being years away).

Her homework feels like my homework because if I didn’t initiate it, it just wouldn’t get done. She has end of year exams she needs to revise for and I’m struggling so much with getting her to focus; it’s a terrifying glimpse into the future.

Well done for being supportive and the fact you’re even posting shows how much you care.

If you subscribe for it yourself, you can access other subjects, including English language and Lit and the exam board.

An app like Seneca maybe ?

Very very few parents are capable of sitting either their dc to do 1:1 revision and frankly even fewer want to. It’s not fun.

he’s presumably done or will do end of year 10 exams which will spit out the grade he got and the grade they hope he will get in year 11.

your focus then is to look at where he is compared to where he wants to be.

the first priority is usually passing English and maths because he’ll need to resit them if he doesn’t pass. Beyond that you (and he) really need to prioritise - what does he want to do after GCSEs and which GCSEs does he need for it?

no point spending ages working on French if he wants to do btec sport.