Daughter being excluded from prom

Your assumptions about me are wrong and I haven't talked about any child with SEND or any individual child. I don't have a child who was excluded from a prom.
I haven't told anyone they can manage a ' flight risk' we don't even know if the OP s child is that.
But since you mentioned it in my opinion a flight risk could be risk assessed separately since a prom is not a school lesson and might be mitigated with parental.presence where they take the responsibility perhaps depending on relations with the parent. . That might reduce the need to exclude.

Someone said 2-3 percent excluded - are we talking about three or four pupils in any year group? So can easily be managed with specific risk assessment and not a high rate of exclusion.
On it being a favour- voluntary- is there any respect do you think in which this has contributed to a sense of the right to use the prom to label 2 or 3 children as mature or not? Why do that in the letter?
In my kids school The parents buy the books and T -shirts.

I can only say - it seems very unreasonable to expect this level of unpaid work out of hours. Maybe needs to be re - thought nationally.

I really appreciate your work with children. You may get it wrong you may not keep.everyone happy and every now and then it may feel like an enormous f up - but you keep doing it and that's something relatively few people can say they have achieved, despite all those difficulties. Teachers - especially good ones - are rare people.

I'm going to draw a parallel between prom and voluntary revision lessons. They both rely on staff goodwill.

Last school I was at cancelled them all because a minority of students were rude in them and wouldn't leave. Slt said to parents no more revision sessions then because they valued our time.

It is a massive favour, imagine organising a huge party at an external venue for 180 people with jo extra pay or time. Then ask others to volunteer their time to supervise.

The other kids get all the other transition events, shirt signing, assembly, leavers books.

You're sewing your take based on your experience with what sounds like a child with severe SEN who didn't get banned from prom.

Ime it's rare kids with SEN get banned from prom. If they do, it's because their behaviour has gone over and above the SEN allowances and into choice behaviour.

Fwiw safeguarding issues are a huge risk and some cannot be mitigated against, especially when staff are there under their own volition. I wouldn't take on responsibility for a flight risk assessed child at prom. It's my free time, sod that!

I think it sounds very grudging and a bit fearful. It's got that mix of ' we are doing you a favour and making a big effort' and ' we are separating the sheep from the goats'.
Safeguarding issues or safety issues are not a threat. Life is difficult enough.
Have a risk assessment which includes mitigation measure with parent if possible. And have those discussions before the invite goes out.
They could simply say - "we want to strive to be as inclusive as possible, but we have to work within safety limits for all children. Due to safety and supervision requirements it may not work for all individuals and in that event we have already informed families."

Maybe think of an alternative for those kids. And the communication with them. Not sure what that could be but something that conveys the message- they are valued despite difficulties without sounding trite. It doesn't have to be expensive.

This may well not be how the teacher is feeling and that's understandable. Teachers also need to feel valued as well as pay , conditions, etc. That's why you need a strong SLT.

I quote from the letter for my DS's prom:

"To ensure the event is safe and enjoyable for everyone, we have set clear expectations around behaviour and conduct.... Prom is a privilege, and attendance depends on students demonstrating the maturity and responsibility expected at a supervised school event. In some cases, students may not be able to attend if there are serious behaviour concerns, ongoing poor behaviour, or any safeguarding issues."

I don't think the above is unfair and my point in including it is it's a typical approach which sounds like what has happened here. I also think some people on this thread who disagree believe that just because there is a diagnosis of ND, it automatically makes disinviting such a child discriminatory. I do not believe that and in the absence of the OP coming back to explain why she suddenly is claiming unfairness when a reward has been taken away rather than when sanctions are given, we're not going to know.

My mother parent of 5 was very clear about socialising as a fundamental. She did not believe in withdrawing social or community events neither would she humiliate us in social situations. She went to a lot of trouble to plan around grandkids. It surprises me a lot when adults think withdrawing socialising- leaving kids out punitively - is a valid sanction. Adults should be building social confidence. ( Within safety limits) That's my experience.

Which is why this discussion has had such varied response because it isn't standard system. Meaning one pupil could be excluded from prom for a minor behaviour and a different pupil could be included for a major issue.

Hardly fair or consistent

Depends on the pupil and the behaviour.

Are behaviour plans the way forward for pupils with behaviour so extreme they will.be removed from going to prom?

Schools are very busy and lots of students misbehave. Behaviour plans aren’t the only way forward.

Proms are also ridiculous expensive and over the top with hire cars, dresses and hair and make up. I would support the downscaling to a school afternoon disco or fun day on school grounds

Interestingly enough - many years ago when I was teaching.
We had an ongoing issue with a pupil. The senior person decided that if they didn't complete X by a certain date they couldn't go to the party.
This caused quite a argument between other SLT who did not think it was proportional to the situation. I could see both sides but was following the instructions from my line manager.

The young person met the deadline but didn't go to the party. They achieved the outcome they needed to go. I am not fully sure why they didn't maybe the process had left them feeling undeserving of the treat, maybe they were exhausted by completing the work or maybe they didn't want people to think they only did the work for the treat.

Things aren't always clear but that experience among others I have had both as a professional and as a parent definitely make me thing about what is going on under the obvious.

Well are Proms such a good idea? Honestly I'd back any school who organised an alternative within school hours and with proper staffing and security if needed. Meal, picnic, Something like that. I'm not sure teenagers who want to go wild in the evening are really your job.

Surely if behaviour is such a problem that should be dealt with by the school. If the problem is ongoing a behaviour plan would be logical.

I don't doubt it. Normally I expect you can explain exactly what the problem is. At some level here assuming the OP is reasonably sincere, that hasn't happened. And it's not clear at what level. Could just be an unclear OP. But the discussions have been very enlightening.
In my experience where there are gaps from a parent point of view it's important to keep asking questions/ having dialogue until it's clear. I just think what you eventually find out can sometimes be surprising.

I'm far from convinced that the details provided by the OP give even half the information required for any stranger to give an objective opinion. I taught in secondary schools for decades and it's a tiny percentage of parents of persistently poorly behaved children who are even slightly realistic about them.

I've also supervised at proms and can assure everyone that it's not a brilliant way to spend an evening. At best it's boring and at worst it includes fending off intruders (from other schools, from no schools, sometimes very drubk and aggressive), dealing with students who turn up pissed, dealing with students who haven't usually been badly behaved but because they won't be at school after the prom, want to take the piss out of/get aggressive with one or other staff. The LAST any staff agreeing to give up their time want is to throw into the mix students who've been arseholes in school.

I wouldn’t think there’d be a behaviour plan necessarily- I have taught lot of very difficult pupils who don’t have one.

Yes and I said I'd suggest her mother was invited or offers to be there on hand. But sounds like more of a safeguarding risk in the context of a prom. She's not on a behaviour plan. If that were happening as defiant behaviour in lessons you'd think there would be a plan of some kind.

Another person said what if it's a problem with another pupil and the parent isn't objective- that's another possibility - But again you'd think it'd be discussed with her mum and the OP would have sounded quite different.

It’s not a punishment. You are looking at it backwards. It’s a reward. Some students don't earn the reward.

I' ve not talked much about send though it is an angle. My main point is that the prom should not be bound up with 'consequences' - ie sanctions -for anyone, send or otherwise. . I've not argued at any point that there should be no consequences ever. You can't run a school like that. But that schools should get right out of the area of punishing pupils through the prom. Safety- actual risk in a prom which is insurmountable - is of course a different issue.
I mean that's my point - not the OPs. But a parent of a SEND child is uniquely reliant on schools to help. They often wouldn't feel comfortable to challenge. So I see your point but there's a power imbalance there which can be underestimated. Not all parents are confident and assertive.

Agree. And reminders. Which is not "she forgot something" but behaviour reminders. Which the OP has been really vague about.

@Warmlight1 And as I've pointed out ad infinitum, if the OP had a problem with the sanctions the school were applying, she did not challenge them until her daughter was disinvited from the prom.

And now "she's at home" according to the OP. I assume because of this, she's not clarified. Which feels like a huge drama about sod all.

It all feels like rather the wrong time to react to me and it makes no sense if the OP felt that she'd been discriminated against in the application of sanctions. If the sanctions were inappropriate, kick up a fuss then. If they were appropriate, why kick up such a fuss now? Suck it up.

ND does not mean no consequences. It doesn't even mean the child is well behaved in the context of that ND condition. You can have both a ND condition and be poorly behaved within what constraints are possible and reasonable for you. There is a pattern of behaviour with this child that this has not been the case and, I think the OP is setting her up to fail at college if she doesn't support her in recognising this.

For differently abled, neurodiverse or disabled people in life, the phrase is "reasonable adjustments" and I type that as someone who has a disability. Reasonable. It doesn't mean automatic and it doesn't mean no bad consequences ever. Just because she's had a consequence to poor behaviour does not automatically make it discriminatory.

Leaving the classroom without permission. You’ve been told many times. If she wanders out of the function room in a public space she is at risk.

Well it doesn't sound like her mother is either.
My experience when it's not clear is - it probably ought to be. What could that possibly be?
Drugs? Likelihood of Aggression? Those are simple exclusion issues. She's working through her GCSEs don't forget.
So what is the thing which isn't a simple obvious reason which doesn't merit a behaviour plan - if not the blind application of an inappropriate policy- what?

schools shouldn't be deciding who ' deserves ' it
How do you work that out @Warmlight1 ?
Proms are put on by schools as a treat/privilege for Y11. They take a considerable amount of time to organise and then staff attend to supervise in their own time, for no pay. If they shouldn’t be deciding, who should?

I don’t know. If someone’s phone keeps ringing during a concert, it doesn’t really pose a safety issue or put others at risk, but it definitely ruins other people’s experience. I think the school believes what the girl would do at the prom might be something along these lines. So honestly, I’m not sure. I just don’t feel as certain about it as you do.