Daughter being excluded from prom

completely forgetting the place it has in a young persons life and self esteem at a crucial stage. @Warmlight1

You seem to be completely forgetting the cultivation of resilience in young people at a critical stage. Resilience is built by facing consequences of one's own mistakes. OP's DD will not truely grow up when she keeps feeling like a victim. And you are not helping!

That adjustment can’t be attending something she’s not able to attend without risk.

I would assume they are making adjustments, or the progress she’s made in her behaviour wouldn’t have happened.

There’s a lot of work goes into even starting to turn that around.

That's great for your son

We don't know they aren't making adjustments for OP child but we equally don't know they are either.

I would assume if they were making adjustments OP would be happy like you are about your child's school and wouldn't have needed to start a thread about the situation

They’re not offering him alternative trips out, because he can’t go, but praise for the right things is available, yes. He’s given rewards he can safely access.

We don’t know that the school in question aren’t making similar adjustments, do we? Prom isn’t about celebrating achievements, it’s not a reward trip.

If my son missed a reward trip he couldn’t access, but still deserved a reward, I’d expect him to receive one.

But if it’s an event that wasn’t for that, like the prom, I don’t think an alternative has to be offered.

Which I said in response to a comment from someone else because it was relevant to their comment. Do you police everyone's responses on mumsnet ?

And are they supporting him to develop the skills he needs and offering alternatives to celebrate his achievements and progress?

Wouldn't the local community police just help out by escorting him off the premises for safety? I'm assuming there is a whole event risk asssment/ plan somewhere.

We phone all the parents and get the other kids collected in that case. Because Timmys parents wouldn't come to collect him. You can't have a child running riot at prom, knowing they are untouchable and causing damage etc.

Timmy proved he was a twat, no one else.

Yes, very lucky.

But OPs daughter does sound more similar to mine, in that she hasn’t yet proven herself able to manage or be managed at a public event.

Which from that position, I don’t feel personally offended by when our son isn’t able to attend school events.

It’s not their fault he can’t cope at them, or that he’ll likely run off. It’s not his either, he’s very high need, but he’s not being discriminated against when he’s not taken somewhere he can’t successfully be.

You're lucky you can work that wasn't an option for us - home Ed wasn't a choice we made through wanting to it was a choice we were forced into because school.wouldnt met needs.

Our whole discussion started because you said it was wrong farm kids had to have qualifications (it was an example, but even so).

My sons school does, that’s why I haven’t brought him up amongst the discussion around your personal circumstances.

He’s not ready for trips out, his regulation is nowhere near where it needs to be and he is too big a flight risk. He’s 2/3:1 in the community depending on his mood, and they don’t have the staff to dedicate to that. I’d prefer he didn’t go and get lost at a zoo.

EHE isn’t an option for everyone. We both work full time, and want to. We also want him to be around his peers and learn the skills he needs from being at school. Pulling him out of school would be a loss to him, and us.

But I also appreciate he can be a challenge, and don’t expect his staff to put him or themselves in a position they’re uncomfortable with or he’s not ready for. He wasn’t invited to his school performance last year. That’s okay, he’s not ready, and I don’t place the blame for that at the schools door.

Nope - I was answering the person who asked why things are worse now for SEN pupils.

Home education is a valid option and many SEN children that are left to drown in schools do far better at home. Schools should met SEN needs but in reality this rarely happens.

Very few are functionally illiterate leaving school. But it’s you going on about why it’s bad everyone has to have qualifications.

I’m not sure this is accurate. And in any case it’s irrelevant to this discussion.

I’m a SENd parent who’s child can’t pass a risk assessment to go on school excursions, even to a playground.

Yes. I realise that.

But that’s a reason to improve engagement, placements and attainment, not just pull them out of school because it doesn’t suit them.

There are some of the skills that education gives us that we all need, and making it less important won’t help anyone.

You do realise children are still leaving school at 16 now without those skills now

Yes. That's within normal.employment practice. Organising whole staff/ team socials and excluding underperforming staff is not, for very good reasons. You'd never get away with trying to persuade adults you were doing it for their own good.
I've realised from this thread Schools have created the ' prom which is a bonus' completely forgetting the place it has in a young persons life and self esteem at a crucial stage.

Well obviously they can help on the family farm like most farm children do their own lives but they won't be able to work fully independently if they can not pass certain exams and wouldn't be able to take over the farm without having to employ others to do it these jobs. Which would have huge consequences for the running of the farm
If they wish to be employed by farms they wouldn't be very desirable by the farms so are less likely to be employed

But that is one example there are plenty of others where young people are expected to do maths and English to a specific standard before they can do some courses. This wasn't an issue previously (unless those skills were fundamental to the course ie needing maths to do accounting is logical) when people could excel in plastering without needing a grade C equivalent in English to do the course

Out of interest in a cohort if say 200 how many do you think wouldn't be able to come because they wander?!

There's no reason they shouldn't have a reward- it's just not appropriate that it's a prom because it's a major event which for many only happens once and it's a clear part of the collective farewell. It's like literally saying - farewell to some and 'don't fare- well' to a small number.
Why not use a certificate? Or medals? There are loads of ways of recognising good behaviour.

You do realise children are still leaving school at 16 now without those skills now