Daughter being excluded from prom

The school would probably have a different account of the behaviour that has led to this than what you've written. I guess they have to try and keep a lid on behaviour somehow. It can't be easy trying to manage a thousand teenagers in one building. We can all criticise, but we probably couldn't do any better

FFS Try reading. And comprehension. I said I would ask the HT and reference the fact I was considering taking legal advice [note the speak marks]. I’ve done this several times and HTs tend to U-turn when the involvement of a legal professional is mentioned as it makes them review and see the bigger picture.

They are being ableist and discriminating against a child who is being set up to fail their eligibility criteria because of her disability. They are acting in contravention to disability legislation. A solicitor’s letter may come in very useful. Not all legal interventions involve court, you know. This is not a crime drama.

So, you think the OP should take the school to court over this?

No it may not, but her behaviour has affected her year group and her teachers for X months/years and they don’t want to take the risk on a special night for those who have behaved.

That is not a criticism of your daughter, it’s the facts.

I have been in your position. It’s awful.

Yes, they can't really stop anyone else in that case.

Because many of them might be due to her disability, therefore this would be discriminatory? HTH.

Yes, I’d be going down the disability discrimination route and asking to ‘speak to the HT before seeking legal advice on the matter’.

Why not ask for a meeting, explain how demotivating this is for the outcome of her GCSEs and talk about how much her behaviour has improved from the low point of the PRU referral. The school will want her to do well in the exams, for their stats.

However, it is always made very clear from the beginning of the year, that attendance at prom is dependent on behaviour and attitude.

Okay so if they make an exception for your daughter, what about all the others?

Perhaps that would be a positive thing to do. However, I'm always sceptical about this, because we did give in to one parent in this kind of situation, let their daughter attend, she did and she kicked off big time.
Perhaps she could give appropriate assurance and evidence of self management.

Yeah, we experienced this.

Highly unlikely they will back down I’m afraid.

It sends the wrong message to younger years as it’s the only carrot they have left by that point in the term.

Prom is usually voluntary for staff, done in their own time. They don’t want any students whose behaviour they can’t rely on. Your daughter’s behaviour is clearly challenging. The policy will be clear the school will have used it as a carrot, it will have been discussed in assemblies, behaviour meetings etc.
You and your daughter knew the rules, you want your daughter to be treated differently, that wouldn’t be fair on others who have met the threshold. If you keep making excuses for your daughter and complaining about the consequences her behaviour won’t improve.

And yes, I am autistic as are my children - we still know how to behave, and it makes me very keen on rules being followed. Don’t blame autism.

Do you know how bad things are when a student gets a referral to a PRU?

OP's child is autistic all the time so it's never going to be a case of 'whether it is the autism or just general naughtiness'.

This often really tricky for people to understand. Autism is a social communication difference which frequently impacts a young person's capacity to form relationships in their education settings (with peers and adults) and lives in general. What OP describes is not unusual, but what is shameful is the school's stance.

OP, my YP is autistic and has had a tricky time in school as a result. But DC's school is falling over itself to include DC in Prom (still doesn't feel able to go, but is glad to be invited) and school wouldn't for a minute suggest that the challenges DC has faced over the years have been down to 'just general naughtiness'.

Your poor DD.

Prom is not part of compulsory schooling. It’s a celebration and the school are allowed to exclude those whose behaviour could affect the night.

The school have been really silly to let students know they can’t go to prom before GCSEs were over. They usually tell them after GCSEs to not cause any upset that could impact their exams.

If you feel your daughter has been treated unfairly, I would go and talk to them face to face with evidence of the progress and improvements she has made, medical evidence that links her behaviours to her medical issues etc.

I imagine it would cause similar issues if other children who didn't meet the behavior score were excluded and found out that it had been waived for your daughter.

If you're suggesting that the incidents impacting her score were indisputably caused by her Autism, these should have been challenged at the time. Or a lower threshold/target agreed if her autism was going to make passing impossible.

Regardless, surely you were both aware of the required behavior score and that she was below it? Did you not prepare her for the fact that she likely wouldn't be able to go? Or discuss with the school ahead of time to see if there was some kind of target they could have set the her to attend?

It seems like you had no issues with the bad behavior markdowns as they happened, knew her score was too low, didn't do anything about it and assumed that she'd be given a pass 'just because'. Now you're complaining because that hasn't happened.

I'm not sure what you're expecting from the school. They've made their decision based on their behavior policy. If you thought the policy was discriminatory towards your daughter you should have raised it long before now. They're not required to 'support' children excluded from a prom. It's a punishment. Again, if you thought the policy left your daughter at a disadvantage you should have done something about it before this point.

There’s a thread like this pretty much every year from someone whose teenager has behaved so badly they are excluded from prom.

It does come back to actions having consequences. Her behaviour was so poor they considered PRU? That’s a high threshold. I am ND myself and have a ND young adult child. I still think the school is correct to enforce and maintain behaviour standards.

That’s what the behaviour score was on. It isn’t clear that was what the complaints were that the OP raised with school.

@user1471497170 I totally misread about your daughter being autistic. If you feel the behaviour is due to her autism where school have not made reasonable adjustments then that’s what I would base it on. Eg the uniform issue is due to her sensory needs, the going to the toilet without permission was due to anxiety flight. But equally teens with SEN can also have teen behaviour that’s not related to their disability. That’s why I asked about SENCO involvement and external agencies like GP, CAMHS as a way of evidencing what is autistic behaviour for your daughter and what is teen behaviour.

A friend of mine with an autistic daughter is having exactly these issues at the moment.
School uniform violations (her skirt is "too short") but she's 5' 10" and wearing the longest length they make. She's not rolling it up.
She also will "fight back " and "snap" when provoked or pressured. Recently the school decided she had fake eyelashes on. She didn't. She had some mascara on which she removed.
Four members of staff then inspected her and insisted she did have false eyelashes on, and she lost her temper as two of them had her in a side room and were right in her face, checking.

At times like this I truly wonder if the staff are interested in educating children or whether they're just trying to enforce rules for the sake or having rules.
Instead of all this stress, they could have let her sit in the classroom and do her work. Which she was until she was pulled up for "rule violations".

I only read this far into the op - She has struggled throughout the whole of secondary school with friendships, MH/school anxiety, behaviour and approximately a year ago almost got sent to pru.

You don't get referred to a PRU for struggling with friendships - not will the risk of her not being able to attend prom come as a surprise - I have every confidence that you were both told the requirements of her behaviour and attendance in order for her to attend. Unfortunately she has not met these requirements, so she isn't allowed to attend.

Unless you have serious grounds for complaint (SEN needs are not being met, criteria for reaching the requirements not allowing for SEN etc) I think you're not going to sway the school's decision.

SEN aside, she didn't meet the requirements so isn't going to prom. Maybe she'll get to go to the college prom instead.

Complaints were:
reminders, uniform points and going to toilet when not permitted

I can barely believe the cruelty of this. In my opinion the exclusion should only be if there was a history if violent behaviour, drugs, or drinking.