Daughter being excluded from prom

It’s just plain cruel, nothing else. So glad I’m not in the UK.

Lots of autistic children attend school very well, behave and go to prom. My autistic child didn’t go to prom because it’s too loud, too much social pressure, clothes too uncomfortable.
I find the abelist assumptions that autistic people can’t follow rules very offensive.

Please don't try and claim it's not possible for a autistic person to sometimes behave badly without it being related to their autism.
Just because a person is autistic doesn't mean it's impossible for them ever to just be behaving badly.
Not all behaviour an autistic person exhibits is caused by their autism. Plenty of teenagers behave badly at times - they are known for it. Autistic teenagers are not special angels immune from intentional bad behaviour.

Well put and I totally agree.

So she won't do as she is told yet you think that she should be rewarded for that? Being ND doesn't mean there aren't consequences for your actions. Every other child there has had to behave to earn the right to attend, your child was given extra chances and still done as she pleased.

And we have heard one side of the story here.
Do you always believe everything on face value?
Why was the OP not complaining before this if she felt her daughter was being dealt with incorrectly?
I think daughters behaviour was far worse than OP is making out. Schools don't do this lightly.
Actions should have a consequence.

I don't think the OP is giving the full picture here. To almost be sent to a PRU your child's behaviour must be having a serious disruptive effect on the education or safety of others. You don't get that sort of referral for uniform infringements or similar low level behaviour. Most students with autism don't come anywhere near referral to a PRU, so you need to stop kidding yourself and look at the bigger picture. Does your child go into meltdown whenever she doesn't get her own way? How much learning time has been lost by her peers having to wait for her to calm down?
How much anxiety has she caused for staff and fellow students with her behaviour? Teaching staff cannot be directed to supervise a prom, so these events rely on volunteers. Staff can refuse to attend if they feel that unpredictable badly behaved students are being allowed to attend.
Could it be that your child has such unpredictable behaviour that staff feel she might spoil the event for everyone else?
If so, she can be refused a ticket. The enjoyment for the majority outweighs giving someone with a poor behaviour record and extra chance. It's called consequences.

Not making assumptions - autistic girls in particular are being so badly filled by education and schools. And the schools / LA do not do anything to support.
So while I can not know the specifics of OP situation - I do know that autistic young people are being unfairly targeted and not having their needs met on a massive scale. ND young people are far more likely to be excluded from prom than NT young people.
There has also been those with health issues such as cancer who have been excluded from prom due to attendance being low (absence directly related to health). So I do not believe for one moment that schools are making decisions based on fair parameters and taking disabilities and health into consideration

Can I just ask whether you are sure that her ND hasn’t been taken into consideration at the point of awarding (or not) behaviour points? Would a NT student have the same score as her? Or worse?

Hi OP I was also excluded from prom (not like your DD, I was a little shit). My dad made me a deal that if I behaved (he set out goals and rules) then I could have the house for the weekend and invite my mates for a party. We could all wear our dresses, and he would get us a photographer (a student from the local collage, but still did great).

Not sure if this would work for you, and I don’t recommend you let your DD have the house for the weekend - but maybe something similar would work? Schools don’t tend to go back on these sorts of decisions unfortunately, even though it’s unfair in your DDs case.

Op if the school has governors go to them now they can get involved if necessary.

Send in formal complaint citing that this method of selection is blatant disability discrimination. Any method of selection criteria for events such as this which disproportionately affects disabled pupils compared to non disabled pupils is a breach of the equalities act as its disability discrimination. In this instance your daughter's disability has meant she has had a higher number of absences due to her disability so therefore the schools action are direct disability discrimination. Check who oversees education for the area and cc them in to. Tell the school you will be taking further action via the appropriate channels (and list them) and they should back down.

I think it would be difficult for the school to allow some children who don't behave well to attend the prom but other children to be barred from attending. But if you think your daughter has been treated unfairly then by all means complain

But behaviour has improved since then. So improvement needs to be beneficial when school is hard for a dc. Seeing their efforts be for nothing is damaging.

Correct.

But OP has clarified that the behaviour that lead to that referral was 18 months ago.

If there’s been a marked improvement in engagement and behaviour, I don’t think it’s right to hold a teenager to account for decisions they made 18 months ago, ND or not.

If there’s not been, they should have excluded her by now, and she wouldn’t be there to go to prom.

Sounds to me like she’s put the effort in to be better, not perfect - but better. Her reward for that is missing out anyway.

Thats not the same scenario & you know it.

you are all making assumptions.

the fact that the OP is only complaining now & not every time their was a behavioural issue or moved to the PRU suggests its not a disability issue or she would surely have complained and raised it before

the OP also didn’t state that the behaviours were as a result of her disability. Child has also made improvements since moving to PRU Which again suggests they made accomodations that helped her where needed or she improved because it wasn’t her disability.

It’s not 90% attendance. It’s about behaviour points.

I cannot say what this makes me think of the system. She needs a reward for surviving it at all.

The term ‘prom’ comes from America, yes, but the concept isn’t new. When I finished sixth form in 1983 we had a dinner/dance to celebrate. I think they’ve become common at Y11 because more schools don’t have a sixth form and there are more routes for post 16 so not everyone stays until the end of sixth form. They aren’t an appalling idea anyway.

I’d be fascinated to hear the school’s version of events.

Armchair expert I suspect.😂

How do you know that? From a very one sided post?

You friend has my sympathies, neighbours kid was pulled on everything, even when not true. Then she was blamed for a huge thing, mum called in etc and when mum asked to see CCTV, it showed her not to be at fault at all. The teacher still insisted on a written apology from the child, the child said no and she's the one who should get an apology. Can't fault the kids logic but she was then suspended for answering back. What does this teach children? Nothing but frustration.

OP, am sorry for your daughter. These are silly rules to stop her going to prom on and she should've had her effort and improvement recognised not punished. If she doesn't go, I hope you can plan a really lovely night for her together instead to reward her yourself.