Daughter being excluded from prom

I'm going to offend so many people with this. But I love David Sedaris. All of this brings to mind a conversation he retold when talking with a teacher. I won't include the full quote but it ends with this...

"But aren't a lot of your students just assholes?”
“You got it!” she said.".

To reiterate that you get treats for bad behaviour?

Sometimes there isn't a second option close enough sometimes you think you are making progress for the school and LA to move the goal posts.

It is an absolute nightmare when school doesn't work for your child.

I have no idea of the specifics of OP situation (but I do have experience of unmet needs).

People are making assumptions left right and centre about OP child. I'm just saying maybe the school is at fault and not the child

But I'm really confused about this.

None of us know that's not the case, because the OP hasn't come back to explain and we're obviously not going to hear from the school. But it's pretty likely they have already made reasonable adjustments meaning she's less severely reprimanded than non ND kids yet is still displaying unacceptable behaviour. With the amount of awareness and training for staff nowadays, I'd argue that's far more likely than the one sided viewpoint of the OP who has only thought to challenge this when she's in her last month of five years at the school!

Might even make the Daily Fail!

IME I agree.

It's a common train for autistic people to follow rules to the letter and find changes to or any bending of the rules difficult to cope with.

That's very poor to not distinguish between types of behaviour. Cruel, actually.

If she'd suffered for years of unmet needs, then it does beg the question of why you'd not move her to a different school?

It appears you're rather ramping up the scenario without evidence that this has been the case and surely the OP would have mentioned if it was?

It definitely screams spoilt brat teenager and parent who can't be bothered.

This isn't about attendance. It's about behaviour but in some workplaces if they're funding a party, I doubt there is a requirement for them to invite people with disciplinary action against them as long as they make that clear in any contracts and invites etc. As much for their protection as anything else as workplace parties are also classed as "work" for disciplinary purposes. There have been a lot of people who have ended up on final written warnings or even losing their job for things done under the influence at work parties...

But that's a different topic.

Fact is that someone with a ND condition isn't always going to behave badly just because of that condition. Same if they're anxious, depressed, in pain, stressed. Sometimes kids are just pains in the arse and need to face the consequences of what they've done. I'm failing to see anything in what the OP has written to convince me that this is not entirely justified. Mostly because it's taken her till prom to be bothered.

But one thing I'm still unclear on is why she's at home?

"She's now at home. I have written to the school and submitted 2 complaints over the last 2 months"

A sudden bout of "I can't be arsed-itis" just because she doesn't get to wear a big fru fru dress?!

I think it is cruel to ban children from the prom. Thankfully I had my children before this USA event became a thing here.
I hear so many negative stories about them.
I do hope it can be sorted and if your daughter can’t go, I would crests a lovely event for her and a few friends.

OP has already stated her daughter is neurodivergent.

@user1471497170 I wonder if you can get support from any professionals (camhs, paeds etc) who could arrange a TAF meeting and remind school that, as DD is autistic, the need to be aware of breaking the law in discriminating her for a disability. If no professionals involved, you could also use this language to make school rethink. Best of luck.

Have you tried getting schools/LA to support needs. It's an absolute nightmare. OP may have been battling to get her child's needs met all through schools years.

It may be that the is the final straw - her child has suffered through years and years of needs not being met and despite this she now been excluded from the event that is meant to celebrate that her DD has made it through

I think all children sbould be allowed at their prom, unless they did somrthing that bad they were about to be expelled.
They are about to leave and then the school won't have any influence anyway on their lives and this might be the last actual noce memory they can have of school.
I would fight this, it's a bit crap.

No, but it would be a bit fucking weird turning up do a works do when you barely even come to work.

But yeah, this isn't even about her attendance.

No idea why my brain misread the post and decided that.

That's the thing though.

The OP has waited till she has been excluded from prom to kick up a fuss.

Not that she's been getting behaviour points left right and centre.

If she genuinely believed that her child was being discriminated against, then why has she waited till now? Just because a child has a disability or a neurodivergence, does not mean that all disciplinary actions are not warranted. If the OP believed they were, then it seems odd to have allowed the situation to persist do you not think?

YABU

Oh the compo face alone would be worth a second bucket of popcorn. 😂

And it's entirely possible they are not. Going by many schools - I would say it's more likely that school is discriminating

And neither has the OP’s DD. She’s been told she can’t come because she’s misbehaved too much. It’s not an attendance percentage but a behaviour score.

So in a few years' time a prospective employer can Google the OP's daughter and find an article about how she was considered enough of a troublemaker at school that she was excluded from the prom?

The issue is that if the child cannot behave at school the likelihood is that they may not behave at Prom. Teachers are not paid to attend prom and do it out of good will, additionally they are held at external venues, often with members of the public present. E.g. hotels with different events going on. Schools cannot afford to have children at risk and their reputation damaged.

Also echo other posters that Pru referrals do not come lightly.

It really is responses like some that mean that schools will no longer offer proms in the future and everyone misses out.

@user1471497170
What are the ‘reminders’ your DD has had points for? You’ve never said.

I'm ready for the MN onslaught. Too many parents use various MH issues as an excuse for their children's poor behaviour or (wait for it) lax parenting. Yes, I had 3 children, two with sen and one the spectrum. Children are being damaged by kind parenting and a plethora of "be kind" advocates ready to excuse all poor behaviour and idleness as the result of MH issues. Society does not make the same allocation for badly behaved adults, so we need to prepare all children for what is expected of them.

Which is not the same as telling them you can't come because you will I'll too much