Daughter being excluded from prom

Not all people with Autism have the same triggers, or the same reactions to similar actions and thoughts. Being diagnosed as having Autistic traits is considered to be having a place on the Autistic Spectrum, so I expect that @user1471497170's DD has some more complex issues than you and your DC have. Thank goodness I have only come across people with this ND, who have all had a kinder and more pleasant disposition than you appear to have @Thetreesaregreeninspring, even though they have all been at different stages along the horizontal ladder.

Absolutely! I don't think that any child would deserve having their one chance throughout all of their school years to go to the school prom, taken away from them for anything other than something that would cause them to be prosecuted for, and to be found guilty by a jury, in the wider world, outside of a school's doors and walls.

In my day we didn't have proms, and in the 5 + decades since then, I have sadly never had the opportunity to attend anything similar, and under similar circumstances. So, I don't think - as someone else suggested - that @user1471497170's DD will necessarily have another opportunity to go to something equally as exciting and special. You can never be 16 again, you can never be at the cusp of leaving your childhood behind, and starting your adulthood.

It would be very cruel to ban a neuro typical child from such an experience, so for one who has already been diagnosed with a neuro diverse condition, it is almost inconceivable and unbelievable that the very ones that we have to trust with our dear childrens lives, and well being, are the ones who would wish and demand such a devastating punishment.

However, I think that the scariest part in all of this, is that it is those very people who have been standing in loco parentis of our children, and who should care about both the physical, and the mental health, of their young charges, who are also the the very ones deciding how harsh a punishment should be for any minor offence apparently committed by a child in their 'care'. We should be able to trust implicitly that they will conduct themselves both wisely and compassionately, but that is not what we are seeing here, in this thread.

The OP is describing here teachers whose decisions make them seem much more like they are manifesting being generic Victorian Fathers, then intelligent, caring human beings. If that is the sort of power a person wants to have, then they should either join the judiciary, the crown prosecution service, or become a M.P. and not choose to be one of the most influential people in our children's everyday lives.
Sorry for the massive rant, this is a subject that has been close to my heart since I was 5 years old.

Not prom but y6 residential. The teacher suddenly decided in march parents eve that dc shouldnt do the sleep over. After having paid and no real issues all year. Dc is audhd.

so imo sometimes teachers can take against kids that are irritating them. Once a kid has a rep they do get treated differently. Notably when mine went to secondary they treated her better than primary…

I dont think all asd ids love rules especially if as about half of them have adhd

Still missing the point 🤷‍♀️

Absolutely but that doesn’t mean lack of accountability or consequence if it impacts others. If reasonable adjustments can be made then they should be made, but that’s as far as it goes. As it is, OP hasn’t been back to clarify (and I can’t blame them as it’s now turned into a massive discussion about behaviour/rules/SEND in schools rather than specific advice they were after).

25 years teaching and one child ever wet themselves. They didn't even ask to go, and no one knew about the incident. Colleagues have never had it. Wetting yourself really is super rare and ceases to be a rational argument.

The overwhelming majority of humans can go 2 hours without a wee. Most of these students who apparently need the toilet every 5 minutes can game for hours and sit through a film without going to the toilet.

We know while rare young people have wet themselves at school. We know peers in school are likely less sympathetic than peers at work will be if this happened in a work place.
I don't imagine there are as many cases for f adults trying themselves in work as their are cases of young people wetting themselves at school

If I had to choose I would take my chances with colleagues than I ever would with school age peers.

I imagine I would still be known as left middle wet pants 30 years later if that had happened at school.

The point you missed is that in many jobs you can’t just go whenever you want. Even in other leisure scenarios you may have to wait to use facilities. Even on school trips on a coach kids have to wait. That’s not punishment either.

Sometimes Timmy is communicating he's a twat.

Rules is rules is easy until rules cause you personal pain.

If the government made a rule tomorrow that

You have to give 59% of earnings to them is that a rule you follow blindly?

If you get caught speeding you lose you licence and pay £1k fine. Reasonable rule to introduce right?

After all no one nice and reasonable would break rules and speed right. Even by accident? Nope because you have to be responsible humans

This. There are far too many blurred lines nowadays. Rules are rules.

Behaviour is communication

Yes, it's exactly the same as this, nothing to do with years of obstructive, disruptive and traumatic behaviour

We didn’t get any better from the parents in PRU if that helps.

Generally it was “My Timmy would never try and set a classroom on fire,” or “don’t ring me and don’t send him home, I’ve had enough/not my problem.”

So you don't allow wheelchair users to use the lift to get to upstairs classrooms because non wheelchairs users can use the chairs and why pander to wheelchair users it will just make them lazy right

She didn't get sent to PRU. In my experience PRU are sometimes discussed as options. It was discussed in relation to my child.not to do with behaviour but because they were not coping in mainstream. It was one of the many options that are available in theory but never seem to materialise. Usually be ause child doesn't meet the threshold of criteria.

We seemed to fall into no man's land where there was no options available

Obviously out situation may be completely different to OP but my daughter would have loved prom and other aspects of high school but couldn't cope in a mainstream school.

Extremely rare, hence the headlines.

We don't off roll either. But we do have kids that really need PRU or AP and don't get it because there's no space or no money. That's not to say we don't try, but these handful of kids are ruining the experience for others. They get a lot of support in MS, well over and above most, and still it's everyone else's fault.

There has been threads on here and other media about teenagers wetting themselves because they have been refused the toilet in school. Or girls who have bleed through their clothes for same reason.

This has caused so much trauma and let to ongoing problems. The advice is always tell your child to ask but go anyway if teacher refuses because the alternative will have long term consequences.

OK, yes, I agree that's so the school doesn't get stuck with them in Y10. That's not my experience because I work in a very tough school and we just don't off-roll kids (and that is why I work there, I believe in this).

Honestly, sorry, as a teacher who can actually make the relationships and make it work, it's just triggering to see yet another thread where a parent is accepting no responsibility and talking about how they should complain because their kid who's been super high maintenance for 4 years is somehow missing out. Different targets is fine, however, not sure we've got the whole story here, and not sure there's enough of an acknowledgement that there's possibly been different criteria for success.

I do recognise what’s going on.

The SENd system is expensive and collapsing, and mainstream schools are expected to take the brunt of that.

We had a far larger KS4 PRU cohort for a reason. That reason was, as @Happytaytos points out - if the evidence is there then they don’t make it Y10 so the school isn’t stuck with them.

I don’t believe any school is kicking kids out lightly, and I’ve sat in enough panels and appeals to know that it’s difficult. But I maintain that if the evidence was there in Y9, she’d have gone.

The LA in our area provides Day 6 onward home tuition, because there are no PRU or AP spaces. That’s also expensive.

The other point I made however is that as educators, I don’t believe you’re holding grudges against children for 18 month old exclusion issues.

I’m more inclined to think that students with that level of behavioural challenge are given different, separate targets and expectations before they lose their prom ticket - and if that is the case here, OP’s DD has missed those.

100%. If people spent one day ( possibly even one hour) in any educational setting they would have their eyes opened massively!

I’ve got one of those.
I’ve also got one with AuHD who wants to go to school, is enormously motivated but has crippling anxiety.
she’d fall below 90% attendance but has worked harder at her 85% than her sister at her 98 %

Fuming why?

Because your child who messed up the education of others now finally has a consequence?

I’d be absolutely fuming.
Why do school not realise the damage they are causing,
The British education system does my head - I’m not British and although I love living in Britain, I have struggled with the education system for the past 16 years and can’t wait for my kids to be done so I can leave it all behind me.
Let the girl enjoy prom, and celebrate her achievements over the past few months