Private school - for non super wealthy

I think it very much depends on the school. I was also that child and never felt particularly odd one out - but I went to a relatively cheap private school and I know at least three kids in my (tiny) year had hefty bursaries.
I would probably have had a different experience if I'd gone to a fancier school.

My daughter was unhappy at her primary. So we moved primaries. She was much happier at her second school (although never really found her tribe until year 9/10 in the end - I suspect she will always find making friends harder than some).

I was unhappy at my private school so I moved to a state comprehensive. I much preferred the diversity and range of experiences at my state secondary than feeling financially different at the private school. I was aware I was luckier than some/most there and preferred feeling lucky/grateful to stressed and inadequate.

Everyone's experience is different but I would not want to put my dc in the position I was in.

We are certainly not super rich but were able to send our two to an independent school for years 7-13 (with the help of scholarships).

Most of their friends had bigger houses, newer cars, and more exotic holidays than we did, but most mothers worked rather than being ladies of leisure and very few had huge mansion type houses.

My children didn’t particularly feel that they were the odd ones out. The school was academically selective and the main thing that the girls had in common was that they were bright, not that they were rich.

No one particularly cared about having the right brand of trainer or bag, and there was a thriving second hand shop for school uniform, so there was no pressure to spend vast amounts of money on clothes etc. There were a number of school trips of course. Most were reasonably priced and mine did some, but very few pupils did the most expensive ones and there was no embarrassment for those who didn’t go.

Things may be different at boarding schools, where I think parents will generally be wealthier, but I think if you can afford to send your children to a day school they will not feel out of place.

@AeroChambreplaying devils advocate; as the child in this scenario and with the best will in the world, you never experienced the alternative. Your parents made the decision they did, for you, with the knowledge they had at the time.

But would you have thought the same if you were low level bullied at a state school?

I was that child and I didn't enjoy it.

I had never been abroad, never been skiing, never played tennis. We didn't eat out in different restaurants or go to lots of plays and concerts. My parents worked very very hard to send me but this meant our car was old, we lived in a rented house and never had our own bedrooms and wore handmedown clothes. Kids aren't stupid and the gulf was enormous. I felt very uncomfortable at friends' houses and turned lots of things down for fear of not fitting in or my parents not being able to pay.

I would much rather have had parents who were around a lot more, available a lot more, less tired and stressed and for us all to have had more holidays and experiences. Teenagers need more not less parenting. I wouldn't jump from 2-5 days at that point at all.

I also wish that they had used their money more wisely as they couldn't help me with driving lessons, cars or house deposits and being helped back on those things had real.consequemces into adulthood.

I've gone the other way and made sure that I don't work too hard and that I am always around before and after school. I use extra money for theatre trips and holidays and experiences for all of us. I will use any spare money to support driving lessons, uni fees and house deposits.

Our DD is at a GDST school (WHS) - most families are very much "normal": two working parents and people that make compromises to afford private school. Quite a few girls on bursaries and, crucially, girls being completely unbothered by wealth.

I'd say we're pretty normal and it was fine for us. I did roll my eyes a bit at some of the cars and trips to Dubai.

If you're secure in your own values (and can handle the odd judgemental friend or family member) then so will your child be.

The thing to remember is that some of the families in the comprehensives in the area of the GDST school serves will be wealthy. But not spending money directly on education in that way.

I think we have a normal background. I have two in private (and two not) for various reasons and paying for it isn’t easy!

I was really nervous of being the “poor people” and DC feeling that, but it hasn’t been like that at all. TBH I can’t really make out who is scraping to send their child there and who is relying on grandparents and who is totally loaded …. It doesn’t really matter as much as I thought it would.

My approach has been to send the kids to the school that suits them best at the time it suits them. If they need to move later then I’ll manage that later!