Private school - for non super wealthy

There will however be quite a few kids boasting about their new Teslas or holidays to far flung places.

As pp have pointed out there are plenty of rich parents who send their dc to state schools so presumably there are kids at state schools who also boast about expensive cars and holidays.

I went to a cheap ish private school in the north and people weren't really ultra wealthy. There were a couple of kids we knew were rich because they had the latest gadgets or Ugg boots or whatever (early 00s!) and there was an annual ski trip but only a handful of kids went.

Otherwise everyone just seemed middle class and certainly less well off than some state school kids I met at university.

I did meet boarding school, Eton type kids later and they were another level though.

Just to add - while there are many very wealthy families at LOs school - many are not. And LO has never been made to feel ‘less than’ as a result of our relatively humble financial situation.

Y6 would be a fantastic time to move - she will learn heaps in a GDST school that year rather than the endless SATS focus of state y6. And you can still apply for state y7 to hedge your bets. If she or you don't like it, absolutely nothing lost and a new start at y7 state like everyone else.

I would go for it. We were in a similar position and decided that it was worth the sacrifice. We have not regretted it at all.

Not true. My ds has a 50% academic scholarship, and my income is nothing out of the ordinary, less than a senior teacher, and I'm a single mum.

I've used most of my savings, and scrimped for the last 7 years. I've barely had a night out in that time, watch every penny but I chose that route because I decided it was worth it. Yes it was a huge stretch and I'm looking forward to the end of fees.

But in return, I have a happy, confident, well educated son who has enjoyed school, has a job he enjoys and will head off to uni in the summer.
I'm not deluded. I'm tired, and relieved we are nearly there.

I was GDST in a pretty similar situation, that is exactly what GDST was started for, I would suggest this is a solid plan but you need a reserve plan in case your employment changes.

I agree with all this but my daughter is at a state comprehensive! But in an affluent area.

Is this coed state primary going to all girls GDST? How would your daughter feel about it? GDST start at Reception, so some friendship cliques have form. The low level bullying, could be similar for new school so be prepare to look out for it. If you want to move to avoid 11+ madness go for it.
Also, not sure which area you are in but look at other private schools and their bursaries and scholarships, it could be more generous too.

Rolling her eyes at people, she sounds nice

Every one of you saying you’re normal and can afford private school are completely deluded.

as someone else said, there are private schools and there are private schools so it depends on which one you choose as to what the culture is like. As someone who works in one and have a dd who transferred there just for sixth form, I’d say that there is a variety of different families and different funding streams- grandparents pay for quite a few, and our school has lots on bursaries. There will however be quite a few kids boasting about their new Teslas or holidays to far flung places but luckily my dd can roll her eyes at those comments, and notices that they are often made by the least liked students. She also thinks it’s funny how many of the private school kids complain about aspects of their school such as the food, when they really have no idea how the other half live in state schools… so we have lots of laughs about that at home. I think if you can keep an open conversation with your kids about that and manage to laugh about the ‘my dad has a new Ferrari comments’ then you’ll be fine!

Op, my ds had the same experience in primary, and he asked to try for a scholarship at a small independent. I'm a single mum on 50kish so it was a significant step.
I had four years fees saved by the time he started.
It has been the right decision for us. He has flourished, lots more confidence, 10 good gcses, forecast AAB at a'level.
It also made my life as a single mum much easier. If I needed to travel for work he could spend an occasional night in the boarding house and I didn't have to worry.
I've never once felt like the poor relation and he has been happy there.

Visit the school, arrange trial days for your dd. Get a feel for the culture.

I know lots of parents at private school who aren't wealthy. There will be wealthier parents, but also parents in similar positions.

We are at a GDST in south london. It is a mix of parents with very few super wealthy. We have been through from reception and my eldest is in year 8. There was a balanced mix of prep and state primary entrants in year 7.

My youngest is in year 5 and there have been a number of girls joining this year from a mix of schools.

Very happy to answer any questions by PM and i have tracked price increases etc for 10 years so can give a realistic view if that, uniform and extra costs if helpful.

There are children that ski and holiday in Dubai etc but equally many of us holiday in the UK or northern France. Nobody judges and you find your friends. I love that it’s a diverse group of people. Less so in the other prep schools locally like JAGS and Alleyns but they are a different price point on fees and different competition to get in. Private schools are very individual places!

My experience of the six private schools my and my step children went to is you have people attending from various economic backgrounds. The school mine attended the longest most parents were teachers, nurses, builders, BnB owners, and a few finance/IT bods. Quite a high proportion only had one child. A few quite wealthy but most were average.
The last school my DD went to was the reverse - most were very well off with a few middle class earners. My DD didn’t notice any difference in terms of her experience. I felt I had less in common with the other parents but then I was joining in sixth form whereas most had known each other at least since Y7.

Sorry to hear your dd is unhappy op, that’s always going to be stressful.

I would explore different state school options first given you can’t easily afford it. Paying school fees is a real burden unless you’re a very high earner or have family help.

Aside from that I’d say culture varies by school. I wouldn’t describe anyone as from a “normal” background really if they can afford £29k per child pa (typical London senior day school rates) out of post tax income but it’s true that wealth levels do seem to vary by school.

By year 11/sixth form, money does become a bit of an issue. Not because the kids are snobby (never experienced that) but because the kids from high net worth families really do live a different life with different expectations from what is normal for us as middle class professionals. I’m not sure I love that my dc were exposed to that.

You’re a long way off that at the moment though. I think you’re right to prioritise your dd’s emotional well being and getting her into the right school environment with strong pastoral care.

I think it depends on the type school, I was lower middle class and I went to a fairly average all girls Indy. There were quite a few kids that didn't go overseas or play expensive sports or have second homes. I definitely found a tribe that was of a similar background to me. But with the VAT I do wonder if there will be less students from middle income families.

My two go to private school and we are a normal family- grandparents and staff discount help afford it. You would be surprised at the number of staff kids at the school with a hefty discount. My kids know they aren't as rich as some and they are grateful for the opportunities they get- but it's really a non issue and they are both confident in themselves. Money doesn't seem to be an issue. Having said that there are private schools and private schools. We picked one which hasn't got huge status because that's not important to us and ours go to a local one with a variety of families from different backgrounds.

I’m going off my own DD who is y8 at private school. There are definitely some things she and her friends care about which cost a bit of money. The right trainers, a few specific cosmetics, enough pocket money to able to buy a boba or a wrap when out with mates. It would have an impact if we couldn’t afford these things. As she gets older I imagine this may expand into things like Reading tickets.

However, other people’s holidays and house size are really not something she ever mentions. I think those are things that are seen as “parent related” and therefore irrelevant…. Far more likely to be envious of someone who gets more screen time!

I went to a private secondary in the early 2000s. It wasn’t a particularly posh or highly regarded one but I don’t think the fees were any different to the others in the city. We definitely weren’t wealthy and tbh I don’t remember any other kids (as far as I knew) who were especially or overtly wealthy either. I’d say the average kid lived in a 3 or 4 bedroom suburban house in one of the posher areas of the city and parents were something like accountants. It definitely wasn’t cool to brag about having money or going on fancy holidays. Like with everything, it’s about how you carry yourself, your personality and your confidence. One of the most popular girls in school was from a council estate, had a much stronger accent than most of the other kids, and was on a bursary. She was popular cos she was funny, confident and didn’t take any shit. No one cared that she was the “poor one”. It was the quiet, swotty kids who got picked on, regardless of their backgrounds. I think the most important thing you can teach your DD is to stand up for herself, and help her keep her self-confidence up. Joining a girls’ football team really helped with my DD’s confidence

Me too. I was the relatively poor kid amongst rich kids. It's 100% not a level playing field and I didn't choose it for my own children.

My DS goes to an ‘elite’ private school. We earn okay but have nothing like the level of wealth of most of his classmates (think owning ski chalets in Japan; sons of music stars etc.). DS is a very logical teenager who acknowledges that we aren’t as well off as his mates but doesn’t see it as a judgement or something to be upset about - it’s just a fact. We have no regrets about moving him from the local school to the private school - they are worlds apart.
so I guess my advice is to consider what sort of kid your child is: is she likely to ruminate on difference and feel insecure? Or more likely to embrace the opportunities and be at peace with the fact that her friendship group will contain children from a variety of backgrounds? My DS goes to school with the kids of rock music royalty alongside boys on full scholarships who live in rented flats. Private schools are certainly not homogenous.

Fees will go up by at least 50% from y7 to 13 so factor that in.

And yes, I also moved to state comprehensive and was much happier there. But not because other people had fancier cars at the private school, it just was a bad fit for me.