My child is in constant trouble at school but good at home. What to do.

I’d move him to another school if you can. Combined with some SENCO support and assessment. It sounds like he’s dug himself into a hole with a number of teachers who are evidently fed up to the back teeth with his interruptions and inability to listen, behave and be quiet. You need support to get to the root cause of that inability but also a fresh start elsewhere might be helpful.

If you can afford private school your money would be better spent getting a private screening.

We avoided the big chains and chose a private pyschiatrist who practised independently. Dd was diagnosed and started on meds very quickly. Game changer.

The waits for nhs are 5 years round us.

School refuser now at Russell group uni 3 years after dropping out of school.

Wheresbouts are you?

Sorry, more comments:

students like this often do better with less strict teachers/schools. They find it very very hard to shut up and pay attention and if the teacher can basically stick them at the back and ignore them it usually settles as they stop being so anxious about the class which reduces the adhd behaviour etc etc.

the issue is that if the teacher thinks he is a “bad” kid rather than a “can’t shut up” kid they won’t want to put him there because he’ll cause problems.

usual solutions are:

sit on own (some kids will yell to get conversation and feedback though)
sit at back on own/with child who won’t respond
give doodle book/fiddle toy (must be silent)

change class to more adhd friendly teacher (more important than being in right group for ability)

Screams ADHD.
Anyone else in your family with it?

This was one of my sons, he was just coping until a new head teacher completely changed the ethos of the school. Every small misdemeanor was punished - right down having the wrong colour pen in their pencil case (even if it wasn't needed that day). They had to sit a certain way, place their bags and coats a certain way, he couldn't keep his shirt tucked in. Worse still were the whole class punishments, he has fierce sense of injustice and just couldn't take being punished for something he didn't do, so became argumentative in class.
His GCSE year was a shit show, we ended up keeping him at home as he was self harming, he mainly failed his exams (with the exception of 2 9s 🤦)
He became a different child at college and went on to uni. He's always been quirky, but no diagnosis and he was always my easiest child at home by a country mile.
TLDR: Not all children fit all schools.

Don’t move schools.

If he is ADHD, and as an ex teacher and parent of 2 ADHDers I think he is, he could easily struggle with the transition.

The more you post the more this is screaming adhd to me.

dunno what nhs services are like for teens any more but for adults they basically don’t exist certainly around here.

meds helped my daughter massively.

there are also quite a few adhd coaches - she was able to access one through uni but they’ve been helpful post uni as well.

this is adhd.

the anxiety is also classic. Medication will help with that as well.

which subjects does he have problems with?

I would change school. There is a school local to us which is like that with the silence and detentions over every little thing, our DC would follow the rules but we avoided it because the general environment seemed unpleasant.
Her secondary school seems to actually have less disruption because of less extreme sanctions, I think some schools bring it on themselves as if you make rules too extreme teenagers will push back and resent it seeming unfair.

A fresh start would probably be best for resolving his feelings of resentment towards teachers, teachers pre-judging and expecting/looking for him to get in trouble, and break the cycle if he's messing around with certain other teenagers. But I would view different schools and see if there's ones which expect good behaviour but don't put extreme sanctions like "talk once and you're marked up" etc and prioritise that when deciding.

I'm going to agree with pp, it sounds like ADHD to me. He is overwhelmed and not self managing. You will need to have a meeting with the SENDCO at the school, and also the pastoral head.
There needs to be a strategy from the school moving forward. Perhaps DS can express what would help him to learn better? Additional needs often seem to me to hit boys badly in yr9. I've seen many, many cases where support and management has been incredibly successful, so take heart.
I hope you get some answers.

This reads as a typo - he does this at home?

In which case there's your ADHD traits in a second environment.

I feel for you- it's very difficult. On the converse side, my very quiet daughter has lessons at she really, really hates because there are students like your son.

She just wants to get on with it and in the lessons she just says "Mum, it's turned into the 'John' show again." By this she means that he takes all the attention of the teacher, distracts other kids etc. There are topics that she really enjoys and she wants to learn more about- but can't. When he is off school, they get loads of work done- but he's rarely so badly behaved that he gets kicked out. So actually, from my point of view, I think the school needs to support or at least implement something different for your son. It's not working for him and it certainly isn't working for the class as a whole.

Move schools? It’s not too late if he hasn’t properly started his GCSEs yet.
The school just doesn’t sound right for him, too strict about meaningless things.
He sounds like a great boy but needs to be in an environment he can thrive rather than be crushed

OP I was in this exact position. I worried about missing SEN etc. There were a couple of teachers in particular who were really picky on him and TBH having met them I found them really difficult to warm to!

As it happened, my DS got to the point of dropping subjects for his options and suddenly settled down and I'm not as worried any more. He was no longer doing subjects he found boring, and had different teachers - the two who really didn't like him were no longer teaching his groups.

I don't have advice but just wanted to give an alternate view.

@Mumsytutu the more I read of your answers I more I agree there is a problem (I am a teacher)
If it’s ADHD there is a lot they can do and he will struggle to regulate himself and his behaviour.
We do ‘soft starts’ for example (they go in later when the lesson is up and running and a mentor/ behaviour lead/ TA would explain expectations and starter). It just a calmer more focused start to a lesson they find difficult.
Honestly it’s fixable it just needs looking into. One of my sons had issues as he couldn’t hear properly. He was loud, had switched off so had forgotten how to follow instructions and was easily distracted. That wasn’t picked up until year 8/9!!

Adhd can cause overwhelm.

He can listen at home because it’s only you and it’s quiet.

At school his busy brain is overwhelmed with noise, lights, other people. This is why he’s missing instructions.

l think school have been pretty crap at picking this up.

It’s ADHD specific traits that need to be seen in two settings to meet the DSM criteria. Restricted eating and not wanting to go into school are definitely indicative of an unmet need, though not necessarily ADHD. That’s why I said they should rule out other issues first.

The more you say, the more it sounds like the 'something else going on' category.

I think part of the problem is that the school behaviour management system isn’t working. He knows where he’ll be sanctioned, knows he’ll end up in detention and it’s not deterring him. Either it’s behaviour he can’t control (ADHD or something) or he just doesn’t care. The latter seems unlikely given how distressed he is at home over it, which leaves the former. The problem is the school are dealing with the behaviour and doubling down on discipline which creates a vicious circle.

Can you talk to the school about potential additional support needs, build in some wiggle room for him so the cycle of behaviour, discipline, anxiety, behaviour is broken. I know with my DD some teachers find her charming, others think she’s a pain in the arse all because of the way her complex needs present. She has little control over that, but we’ve found ways for her to cope in classes with teachers who don’t “get” her.

Underperforming is typical undiagnosed adhd.